


Definite Soul

by marchtwentyfour



Category: GOT7
Genre: Actors, M/M, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-08 12:40:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 81,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5497403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marchtwentyfour/pseuds/marchtwentyfour
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In this world, people just wants to be acknowledged. Praised for their acting. Applauded for their singing. Or just by doing their job well. But a select few just want to be <i>remembered</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my lovely beta for putting up with my shit.
> 
> Written mostly with [Night Changes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syFZfO_wfMQ) as a background music.

> **_EPILOGUE_ **
> 
> _ Junior Park walked through the halls with a heavy heart and a messy mind. He could feel himself shaking a little, almost as if he has no idea what awaits him behind the closed door he stopped in front of him. _
> 
> _ “This is it, Junior.” He whispers to himself, reaching out and clutching the huge silver doorknob with cold hands. “This is what you’ve always been waiting for… This is what  _ he _ ’s always been waiting for…” _
> 
> _ With a new found determination, Junior turned the knob and pushed open the door to be greeted with a huge applause and flashes of the camera. He gave them all a small nod and a polite smile, following the security as they led him towards a small stage right in front of a small crowd. _
> 
> _ “To introduce today’s most special guest… and the creator of this masterpiece, I would like to welcome Mr. Junior Park!” A small woman’s voice beamed and the crowd clapped some more for him. _
> 
> _ “Thank you so much,” he bows to the lady and then to the crowd again. “Thank you all for coming today to share this special moment for me. I am very glad you made time for this.” _
> 
> _ Another round of applause. _
> 
> _ “Would you please give us a short summary or introduction for your biggest exhibit yet, Mr. Park?” _
> 
> _ Junior smiled and took the center stage as she took a step back. He scanned the crowd in front of him, heart aching as he saw numerous familiar faces like his best friend who was at the back and even the owner of the street cart  _ they  _ used to frequent that he had invited. _
> 
> _ “ _ Definite Soul _ ,” Junior stops the sob that threatened to come out of his lips as he continues, “The name of today’s exhibit is  _ Definite Soul,  _ dedicated to the most important person in my life that ever lived.” _
> 
> _ Junior saw his best friend look away and the street cart owner to wipe a tear on her eyes. _
> 
> _ “If you look through all the collection and read all the titles, there is no need for me to explain the meaning for this exhibit.” Junior smiles at the confused expression of the press, “I will, however, let you in on a secret on why this exhibit ever happened. Because I did not create all these art to be recognized nor did I make them all so I could earn money to pay my bills.” He shook his head. _
> 
> _ “ _ Definite Soul  _ was created so  _ he _ will always be remembered as the best thing that ever happened in my life.” _
> 
> _ Another applause. _
> 
> _ Junior turned to look at his right where the main piece of  _ Definite Soul  _ was placed. “I hope you will always remember him, too.” _

 

“PARK JINYOUNG!” The door to the room banged open and Jinyoung dropped the book he was reading to his face.

“Will you  _ please  _ knock on the door next time, Jackson?” Jinyoung complained, picking up the book and closing it without placing his bookmark. He had already finished it and he was feeling sad. He never did like it when he finished a book, as if he lost a part of himself along with the ending of another great read.

Jackson raised an eyebrow at where he stood by the door, obviously not amused. “Dude, you have to get up in four hours and you’re still awake.”

Grabbing his phone, Jinyoung saw that it was  _ indeed  _ 1:04 AM and that he had been reading for the past three hours already. He should’ve really stopped reading by the first hour, but he was so  _ close  _ to finishing it that he couldn’t stop himself.

But before Jinyoung could open his mouth and spout off some nonsense excuse, Jackson had already beat him to it. “Don’t give me any excuse, you suck at them. Just go sleep and hope to hell that your face is not bloated for the camera.” Jackson switched off the lights to his room. “Now  _ sleep _ , for real this time.”

Jinyoung buried himself under the blankets, “I get it, idiot. Get some sleep too.”

All he heard was a snort and the door closing.

Sleep came in easy after that, his mind already tired from the pain of dealing with the ending of an amazing book.

 

“Thank you so much for everything! You all worked hard!”

Jinyoung watched from the sidelines, the make-up on his face feeling horrible, as the lead actor and actress of the drama bowed to the staff and all the others. There were a lot of hands shaking before their managers came in to tell them they have another schedule so they have to go.

Another minute after, Jinyoung was called to film the last scene for the drama so he hurriedly have his makeup re-touched and his outfit checked. When he was deemed good enough, they called for the take and Jinyoung went into full-blown actor mode as he crawled and sobbed his way throughout the whole scene.

 

“The dinner party for the drama won’t be until 9PM because of Director Lee’s consulting with the Post Prod Team. We still have…” Jackson checked his watch, “About four hours. You have no schedule set up yet so we have time. Anywhere in particular you want to go?”

Sighing, Jinyoung curled in the back seat of the car. “Are there no ongoing auditions for  _ any  _ parts we can go to?”

Jackson sighed as he turned to look at his best friend. “Jinyoungie, I know you’re stressed--”

“I’ve debuted for two years now! TWO!” Jinyoung had lost it and sounded hysterical, a trait he has when he gets stressed.

“I know, but you got to take things slowly--”

Jinyoung glared at Jackson, “Dude, I’ve seen idol actors get leading roles in drama nowadays even idol actresses that can’t act for shit. I don’t even need to name anyone, I’m sure you know who.”

Jackson cringed at this because he was with Jinyoung last night, complaining about the actress playing a lead role when he realized it was from a girl group. Not every idol actor was shitty, he could name a few who are good, but Jinyoung wasn’t the type to stand by it and he went on and on about how unfair it was that these  _ idols  _ get to act just because they’re more popular.

“Maybe we could just go to a cafe, huh? And you can re-read your favorite part of the book you just finished last night.” Jackson offered, already turning on the engine of the car and calculating how close their favorite cafe was.

“Bet you that idol  _ actors  _ can’t get coffee in cafes and stay there because they would be mobbed by fans that watched their drama.” Jinyoung snorted, but he was already sitting up properly again. “But drop by that book store we went to the other day, I need to buy new books.”

Smiling winningly, Jackson agreed and he sped past the road of Seoul.

 

“I’m going to get the drinks. Anything else you want besides the usual?” Jackson was already standing up, company card in hand. He should feel a little guilty using it for coffee, but it wasn’t like they use it to buy all their meals.

“If they have any cheese cake please get me a slice.” Jinyoung answered, already taking out his book. He opened it to the first page, not even watching as Jackson went to get their drinks.

 

> **_CHAPTER 1 - The Prologue to Our End_ **
> 
> _ In every lifetime, everyone will have that _ one  _ story in their life that would be unforgettable and irreplaceable. It would be a story either too amazing or too heartbreaking, but it wouldn’t matter which of these two emotions it was. _
> 
> _ In every lifetime, Junior Park will always choose JB Im even if their story is both too amazing and too heartbreaking. Their story needs to be told. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ “Are you alright?” _
> 
> _ Junior met JB on what was then, the most horrible day of his life. It was raining hard, the streets of Seoul was almost deserted at the time of the night and it serves as another reminder that Jinyoung was alone. He was wearing his black coat and the scarf around his neck makes his whole body heavy as the rainwater seep through it. _
> 
> _ “I’m alright.” Junior lies, not even bothering to look at whoever had asked him. A stranger, he presumed, that wouldn’t understand the pain and suffering he was carrying with himself right now. _
> 
> _ “Stop lying.” _
> 
> _ Junior snapped out of his daze, looking up and turning around to face the stranger. “W-What?” _
> 
> _ The stranger, a man probably around his age, wrapped in black coat and carrying a black umbrella walked over to his side. He looked mad, his brows furrowed together and his eyes glaring at Junior as if Junior did him wrong. Which he was pretty sure he didn’t, seeing as he has no idea who the man was. _
> 
> _ “Stop lying.” The man repeated, his voice deep and warm that had Jinyoung shivering. _
> 
> _ “What are you even--” Junior didn’t finish his sentence as the man took his hand and wrapped it around his umbrella’s handle. He removed Junior’s scarf, replacing it with his own warm and dry one. _
> 
> _ “It’s okay to say you’re not okay. Not everyone has to be okay all the time.” The man says as he finished wrapping the scarf around Junior. “Now go home, get something warm. Cry a little or a lot. Just don’t lie to yourself anymore.” _
> 
> _ Junior wanted to say something, say a lot more, but before he could process what had happened and before he could open his mouth, the man had ran off under the rain. He was left there, coat drenched but a warm scarf around his neck and an umbrella shielding him from the rain. _
> 
> _ He was also left there with a question that would pretty much change his whole _

 

Jinyoung had to stop reading as his concentration was broken with the opening of the cafe’s door and the loud shrieks that came with it. He looked up, glare in place, but it turned to a frown when he saw what was happening by the door.

A dozen girls with cameras while the other dozen were holding banners were following a figure wrapped in black clothes all over, a face mask and a cap covering his face. He doesn’t look anything important, creepy is more like it but judging by the fans following him, he’s definitely someone famous.

“An idol.” Jackson appeared in front of him with the tray of their drinks and a strawberry cheesecake for him. “You’re probably wondering who and judging from the banners, it’s most likely Jaebum of 2JAE.”

Jinyoung was sipping on his Caramel Macchiato when he raised his eyebrows at Jackson. “2JAE?” he asked.

Jackson just shook his head. “Dude, I’m the Foreigner so why am I the one who’s updated with your pop music?” he took out his phone and presumably googled the group before handing it over to Jinyoung.

**_2JAE_ ** _ is the latest debuted duo from JYP Entertainment that consists of two members namely leader Jaebum (Im Jaebum) and Youngjae (Choi Youngjae). Their group’s name comes from the shared  _ **_JAE_ ** _ in their name, a symbol of how they work together as one. _

Jinyoung snorted, handing the phone back and refraining to make any comments.

It took the idol a few more minutes before he got his coffee and was out the door, his fans dutifully following him. The cafe went back to it’s quiet and peaceful atmosphere, making Jinyoung sigh in relief as he opened his book again.

“Going to ignore me for the next few hours?” Jackson whined, even though he already knew the answer as Jinyoung pointedly continued to read. “Fine, choose the book you’ve already read than talk to me.”

Jinyoung hides his smile behind the book.

 

Jinyoung hates after-shoot dinners.

“Thank you so much for all the hard work!”

“Let’s do even better!”

Jinyoung hates how everyone is cheering and shaking the hands of each other and taking tons of photos with the lead actors. But, no one comes to him because who remembers the side actors that brings nothing else to the drama other than fill in the unimportant roles, right?

 

The drama was a hit, or at least it was doing well compared to other dramas on the same slot. Jinyoung had never missed an episode, watching every little detail of his acting along with the lead actors.

After every episode, he would go grab his phone and check on online forums to see the netizen’s reaction. He would read each and every comment, whether they’d be praises or not. But Jinyoung would always end up carefully placing his phone back on the table and putting his feet on the couch so he could curl up.

Not even once, not  _ once  _ not even for a criticism, was Jinyoung’s character mentioned. Not  _ once _ .

 

> **_CHAPTER 2 - If You Only Let Go_ **
> 
> _ Junior sat on the floor of his studio, his artwork for the past six months around him as if taunting him. He could see the numerous times he had spent cooped up inside this four walled room, forcing himself to continue painting even if everything hurts and his head feels like it’s being wrecked into two. _
> 
> _ “Hello? Is this Mr. Junior Park?” The call was from the Museum that was going to hold his exhibit. It was rather small, which was the reason they agreed to take on his project even though it had been rejected by a different Museum just a month ago. _
> 
> _ “Yes, Ms. Han?” He could feel the dread creeping in his skin. _
> 
> _ “Oh, good day, Mr. Park. I am calling in behalf of the whole staff to apologize that we wouldn’t be able to hold your exhibit on…” _
> 
> _ Junior didn’t hear anything else, the rejection already registered in his mind. Another one. Another one. Another rejection. You are a failure. Another one. Another one. His mind wouldn’t shut up, taunting him. _
> 
> _ “Okay, goodbye.” Junior didn’t remember what else she was saying or if she was still talking, as he ends the call and throws the phone to the side. He doesn’t care that he heard the screen crack, not caring it means he’d have to get it fixed soon. _
> 
> _ Another one. _
> 
> _ Junior looked around the room, a product of six months of slaving over paintings that was rejected that rainy night a month ago. Then rejected again, a month after. Maybe they just weren’t meant to be shown to the world? Maybe he doesn’t really mean anything? _
> 
> _ That was it, that was all it took. _
> 
> _ Junior’s world blurred as tears started falling from his eyes. He could only see red, flashes of anger and disappointment as he stood up and grabbed the nearest one he could get his hands on and threw it away. _
> 
> _ It continued like this, Junior grabbing all he could get his hands on and breaking them in half before throwing them away. He kicked the buckets of paint by the floor, not caring he got some on his feet and legs. _
> 
> _ Crying, all Junior could do was look around the small room and make sure nothing was left in place. He needed to mess everything up just like how  _ he  _ was messed up. He didn’t care and didn’t stop until he had ruined everything. _
> 
> _ “Useless… you’re useless…” Junior whispered to himself, hot tears staining his cheeks and cold hands wiping them away. He was shaking all over and he could feel himself getting weaker. “You’re useless, Junior Park.” _
> 
>  
> 
> _ It was unplanned. _
> 
> _ One minute Junior was on the floor of his studio, sobbing at his life and the next minute he was on top the 15th floor building in front of the Museum wearing the suit he bought for the exhibit. _
> 
> _ “You’re useless…” Junior told himself quietly, looking down. He wasn’t scared of the fall because he knew he wouldn’t even feel it much or even remember how it felt. But he was scared that no one would even mind his fall, would just be another suicide in the numerous suicide cases in the country. He was afraid that he mattered so less to the people in his life, from his best friend to that lady down the street he always greets. Because, it was the truth. _
> 
> _ Junior was afraid to be proved that he really was useless. _
> 
> _ He took one step closer, a quarter of his feet already in the air. Just another step or even just a move forward and he would fall to his death. It was exhilarating because at this moment, his life was in his hands for once. _
> 
> _ “Good bye--” _
> 
> _ “NO!” _
> 
> _ Junior had taken the step forward, but he didn’t fall forward instead he fell backward and felt his back slam to a person. He froze and hurriedly stepped away to stand up and look at whoever had stopped him. _
> 
> _ “What the hell--” Junior paused, seeing who was on the floor clutching the back of their head. _
> 
> _ The man looked up at him, still clutching the back of their head in obvious pain. “You’re okay. That’s good.” he reached out his hand, “Mind giving me a help here? I think I hit my head too hard… you weren’t as soft as I expected you to be.” _
> 
> _ Automatically, Junior reached out and took the man’s hand. It was rough and calloused, not soft as he expected someone’s hands would be with a pretty face like his. When the man was back on his feet, the memory of what had happened finally caught up to him. _
> 
> _ “What the fuck, man? Why would you stop me?” Junior demanded. He was so close, so so close. _
> 
> _ “Is that how you’d thank someone that just saved you?” The man asked, ruffling his hair one last time before pushing his hands to the pocket of his gray cardigan. “Again, I might add. How’s my scarf?” _
> 
> _ Junior felt the anger rising up his chest. “Help? You stopped me! I could be--” _
> 
> _ “Dead on the streets right now, I know.” The man finished for him solemnly, his face void of any emotions but his voice was hard. “This might come as a surprise to you but, I didn’t want you to die.” _
> 
> _ But to Junior, it was less of a surprise and more of a confusion because who was this man? He was the one who gave Junior that scarf and umbrella a little over a month ago, but that was it. Wasn’t it? _
> 
> _ “You’re probably wondering who I am,” the man took out his hand and offered to Junior again. “My name is JB and you are Junior Park, a painter.” _
> 
> _ Junior stepped back, swatting JB’s hands away. “Who the fuck are you? Why do you--How do you--?” he looked at his left, he could easily jump down now. _
> 
> _ “Don’t even think about it.” JB said, taking his wrist in his hand. “I won’t let you.” _
> 
> _ Junior looked back at him, eyes hard. “Who do you think you are? Why do you even fucking care?!” _
> 
> _ But JB didn’t say anything for a long minute, the silence in between them unnerving as the man just tightened his grip on Junior to the point of it hurting a little. He just looked at him in a way that made Junior feel conscious, as if the man was looking through his soul and _

 

“JINYOUNG, GUESS WHAT!”

Jinyoung looked up at Jackson, annoyance clear in his eyes. He hadn’t been able to re-read the book the past week due to meetings with his boss and numerous Press Conference for his last drama wherein he didn’t even speak besides the introduction and then the good bye.

“What do you need?” he asked, but he was already turning his head back to the book wherein one of his favorite parts was about to happen.

“Stop reading for a minute and pay attention to your manager!” Jackson whined, knowing Jinyoung hated it when the other acted like a spoiled rotten child instead of his age. “It’s about your next acting gig, you ungrateful twat!”

Sighing, an action he always does whenever he’s in the vicinity of his best friend, Jinyoung looked up from his book to give Jackson his most bored look. “Okay, okay. You have my full attention. Now, what did you need?” But he was slightly excited because an acting gig is an acting gig and he was desperate for anything right now.

Jackson grinned manically, “So, tell me. What’s the title of that book you’re reading and who’s the author of it?” he asked.

Frowning, Jinyoung looked at the cover even though he knew the answer because  _ what does this have anything to do with my next acting gig?  _ But he doesn’t voice that out loud, not really in the mood for another fight.

“Definite Soul by JLR.” Jinyoung says the same time Jackson echoes him with, “Definite Soul by JLR.”

Jinyoung looked at Jackson confusedly until he sees the man waving a stack of script to his face with the words DEFINITE SOUL by JLR on the front cover. His whole mind blanks as he sees the next words SCREENPLAY WRITTEN BY PARK JAEHYUNG.

“Dude? Dude??? Are you alright?” Jackson waves the script in front of Jinyoung’s face, snapping his fingers as well. “Do I need to call the hospital? Are you  _ dead _ ?”

Instead of answering properly, Jinyoung grabbed the script from Jackson’s hands and hurriedly scanned the next few pages. It wasn’t totally the same thing, since the one he was holding was now transformed to a film script with all the directions and names. But they were the  _ same story _ . he could recite that introduction from the back of his palm.

“Which… which character am I…?” Jinyoung was almost afraid to ask, knowing it was probably a secondary. Maybe one of JB’s henchmen or if he’s lucky, Junior’s best friend. That wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

Jackson grinned at him. “Junior Park’s. Lead role.”

The accompanying shriek was something Jinyoung would deny he’d ever made for the rest of his life. He immediately checked the front page where the name of the character and the actor would be on.

JUNIOR PARK played by PARK JINYOUNG

“If this is a fucking prank, I swear to everything you love I will  _ murder  _ you Jackson Wang!” Jinyoung was feeling breathless, his hands were cold in excitement but he didn’t want to be disappointed if he finds out this was just an elaborate joke from his best friend.

“I’m hurt you’d think I’ll make a joke out of our living.” Jackson places a hand on his chest, “But nope. It’s real. The news of your casting is probably out by this time.”

Jinyoung frowned just as he was grabbing his phone to open Naver, “You mean you’ve accepted this role without  _ my  _ agreement?” he asked and scrolled to Latest News immediately. The news was front page, which was very surprising. “Why are we on the front page?”

Jackson shrugs. “Probably your co-star.”

So Jinyoung clicks it and all his excitement went to the trash when he read who he would be co-starring with.

 

_ 2JAE’s Jaebum has accepted lead role JB Im for film  _ Definite Soul _ and co-starring with rookie actor Park Jinyoung taking the second lead role of Junior Park.  _ Definite Soul  _ is a novel turned film about the struggle and love story of an unusual gay couple. The film will be aired during this year’s  _ Busan International Film Festival (BIFF)  _ and would be directed by a newbie Director from Thailand. _

_ Critics are already interested at why a rising idol would accept the role of a homosexual… _

 

Jinyoung turned to glare at Jackson. “Take me out.”

“Can’t. It’s already announced  _ plus  _ the company wanted it. It’s a huge role.” Jackson answered immediately, as if he already expected this reaction from Jinyoung. Although, to be fair, he really did.

“They mentioned me  _ once  _ as a rookie actor  _ and  _ just a co-star when Junior Park is the FUCKING MAIN CHARACTER!” Jinyoung’s voice had risen, which wasn’t something that happened a lot. And Jackson understood that Jinyoung wasn’t just mad that the co-star was an idol, but the fact that they’re butchering up one of his favorite books.

“Calm down--”

“JUNIOR PARK IS THE  _ MOST  _ IMPORTANT PART OF THE STORY AND HE’S THE  _ SECOND LEAD _ ?!”

Jackson sighs as he sits down and let his best friend rant. It was going to be a long night. He makes a mental note to make sure Jinyoung wouldn’t end up disrespecting Jaebum when they meet for the script reading tomorrow.

 

> **_CHAPTER 3 - You Have to Show Me_ **
> 
> _ Junior wakes up to  _ the _ call. _
> 
> _ “Come down. I’m here already.” _
> 
> _ He would always curse the man before getting out of bed, feet heavy as he padded around his cold apartment. He hasn’t been able to pay the electricity and therefore has no heater, just bundling up like mad before he goes to bed. _
> 
> _ It took Junior less than 30 minutes before he goes down and turns right to see JB crouching down on the streets, effectively scaring some of the old women that lived in the same building as he does. They were eyeing his black clothing and how JB had decided to wear this huge beanie that covered his whole head and half his forehead. _
> 
> _ “You look like your dog died.” Junior says, in lieu of a greeting. There was nothing normal with his relationship with the man sitting in front of him. _
> 
> _ “I own a cat, not dogs.” JB finally said after  a while, standing up finally and dusting his pants. He took one look at Junior before sighing and taking off his scarf to wrap it around Junior’s slightly shaking form. “What is it with you and scarves?” _
> 
> _ Junior sniffed. “Mine was ruined and I already returned yours.” _
> 
> _ JB smiles at this, “Yes. And now I’m giving mine back. We don’t want you to get sick now, do we?” He had that teasing glint in his eyes that Junior both hate and wanted to see more. But JB was a mystery and Junior still has no idea where he stands with him most of the time. _
> 
> _ “So where are you planning to drag me now?” Junior asks when JB had finished fluffing the scarf around his neck. _
> 
> _ JB gives him another smile, this one a little brighter than the last one. “You’ll just have to find out, won’t you?” he grabs Junior’s mitten-clad hands with his, “Come on. Before it starts snowing again.” _
> 
> _ They walk together under the cloudy sky, the cold chilling to their bones, but not one of them minds. It was a _

 

“We’re here.” Jackson announces and turns around to give Jinyoung a stink-eye. “And I told you to stop reading while on the car. You’re going to ruin your eyesight.”

Jinyoung pointedly fixed the glasses already perched on top of his nose.

“Ruin it  _ more  _ then, you--”

“Let’s go!” Jinyoung interrupted him with that smile on his lips that makes people forget he can be as manipulative as anyone else. Or more. Definitely more. There is nothing innocent about that smile.

“Fine, fine whatever. Just remember not to--”

“Disrespect Im Jaebum or mention how much I despise idol actors, yes. You’ve mentioned this about, a hundred times already.” Jinyoung carefully places his bookmark on the first page of the chapter and grabs the script to hold them together. “Let’s go.”

Jackson just sincerely hopes Jinyoung wouldn’t roll his eyes at anything Jaebum says.

 

Jaebum wasn’t there yet when Jinyoung arrived, bowing to all the staff as he’s ushered to his seat. It was in a small room, nothing huge seeing as other than the fact that this is a small production,  _ Definite Soul  _ didn’t have a lot of side casts and focuses more on the relationship of the two characters.

“If there’s anything you need, please call one of us. Everyone is just busy setting up for the recording of the first reading.” One of the staffs tells him, bowing.

“It’s okay!” Jinyoung waves his hand in dismissal, “Is it alright if I read, though?”

The staff gave him an okay signal before getting called to carry a spotlight and had to go.

Jinyoung shrugs, noting how Jackson had abandoned him. Opening the book, he continues from where he left off.

 

> _ It was a cold day, colder than usual in Seoul. There was a weather forecast of a snowstorm that night and JB insisted that Junior should come with him. _
> 
> _ Who is Junior to deny JB, right? _
> 
> _ “You’re doing well, right?” JB asks him. _
> 
> _ JB didn’t need to elaborate because Junior knew exactly what he meant. JB meant: Are you okay? Are you doing well? Have you had any thoughts of killing yourself? Have you tried to kill yourself? Do you still want to kill yourself? _
> 
> _ Junior doesn’t look at JB when he replies, “I’m trying.” _
> 
> _ Because there’s a fresh cut on his right wrist, a product of tears and insecurities the night before. He couldn’t help it and he had tried  _ so  _ hard, but he couldn’t help himself. He was trying so hard, doing so well but the moment he picked up his paintbrush and started painting again… the pain had come back. Before he knew it, the tears had dried and his world had cleared but there was a fresh wound on his wrist with red bleeding all over it. _
> 
> _ But Junior didn’t need to say it, because JB had grabbed his right wrist carefully to place a soothing kiss on top of the sleeve. He didn’t even ask, didn’t even check if he was right but he knew. _
> 
> _ “You are _

 

Jinyoung sighs when this time, it wasn’t Jackson that interrupted his reading, but the sound of the Director speaking. So he bookmarks his progress and finally looks up… only to be met with a piercing gaze.

It wasn’t a face he was familiar with, but Jinyoung felt like he had seen him before. So he gives the man a huge smile… only to be returned with a small polite one.

“Anyway, hello everyone! Welcome to the First Script Reading of  _ Definite Soul _ .” A boy--man?--announced in a really cheerful voice. He was slim with dyed dirty blonde hair. “My name is Bambam, the Director.”

Jinyoung tried really hard not to raise his eyebrows in surprise.

“You may all call me Bambam! Seeing as that would be easier for you all.” Bambam, the Director, continued just as cheerily. This makes Jinyoung doubt the validity of this movie and how it would turn out, but he tries not to judge too early and too fast. “Anyway, all the Team Head please introduce yourself!”

Jinyoung definitely pays a hundred attention as he tries to familiarize himself with the people he’d be working with for the next two or three months. He knew how important it would be to know people in this Industry.

“Wassup everyone, I’m Park Jaehyung but you all need to call me Jae. I’m the scriptwriter and I worked with the original author of the book.” The man, Jae, saluted everyone before he took his seat again.

Someone else stood up, his hair blonde under the beanie he was wearing. “My name is Kang Younghyun but please call me YoungK. No one--” he turns to glare at Jae who was grinning beside him, “--will call me Brian. Please.” He sits down.

“Uh, hyung. You forgot to say your position.” Bambam reminded him.

“I’m the Sound Director.” YoungK says without standing up, busy poking Jae’s side for laughing at him.

The next one that stood up looked proper with his white shirt and jeans. “My name is Park Sungjin and I am the Director of Photography.” He bows and smiels at everyone, “It’s nice to meet you all.”

The next one stood up, “I’m Im Junhyeok the Cinematographer.” Then he sits down again, phone on his hand.

Jinyoung frowns because how come a small production has both a Cinematographer  _ and  _ a Director of Photography? Even the big name ones only uses one and he was about to just ask this when he felt a hand on his mouth and Jackson’s voice by his ears.

“You really don’t want to get them started on it.” Jackson whispers then sits back just in time for another one to stand up.

Jinyoung looked confusedly at Jackson then to Sungjin and Junhyeok that were having a stare down in front of him. So much for being normal. He turns his attention back to the introduction.

The next one was awkwardly standing as he waves shyly at them all. “Hi. My name is Kim Wonpil. You won’t see me much because I’m Head of the Post Production or as you all know, Editing Department.” He gives them a smile before sitting down.

“Hi my name is Yoon Dowoon. I’m in-charge of Camera & Lighting Department.” He bows quickly and sits down as well.

Two girls stood up next, from Jinyoung’s side so he had to turn a little to see them. They were both a little on the short side and while the other has a perfectly black hair, the other has the ends of her dyed in orange and red? Jinyoung has no idea.

“I’m Park Jimin the Head of Make-Up.” The black haired one introduced herself.

“I’m Kim Dahyun the Head of Costumes.” The one with dyed ends introduced next.

“Technically, they’re both Makeup  _ and  _ Costumes but…” Bambam trailed off when he saw the glare from the two girls, instead laughing to cover it up. “Anyway, I’m pleased to introduce our two main characters.”

Jinyoung straightened up, his hands suddenly feeling clammy after the long wait.

“Junior Park, the lead role, will be taken by Mr. Park Jinyoung.” Bambam applauded and so did the others, following closely. Jinyoung stood up and bowed lowly to all of them. “Thank you for accepting the role and I’m excited to see what you’ll bring forward to all of us.”

Jinyoung shook his head, his practiced smile on his face. “No, no!  _ I’m  _ the one excited to work with all of you! Thank you for having me and let’s all work together for the success of  _ Definite Soul _ .” he bowed once again before taking his seat.

Bambam nodded his head at him. “Now our second lead role, but a  _ very  _ important one at it. Jaebum hyung has accepted the role of JB Im!” There was no need to prompt an applause as everyone started clapping loudly, louder than Jinyoung. “I’m so glad you accepted this challenge, hyung!”

Jinyoung finally realized who the smug bastard in front of him was as the man stood up and bowed to everyone, his stoic face finally melting to form a smile. He bowed to all of them, the smile not leaving his face and Jinyoung  _ hated  _ him.

“I’m so excited to work with all of you, too!” Jaebum says before sitting then looking at Jinyoung straight in the eye. “Let’s work together well, Mr. Park Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung was about to huff, maybe grunt, but Jackson had elbowed his side and he was forced to smile. Although, it probably looked like a grimace rather than a smile because Jaebum raised an eyebrow at him before returning his attention to Bambam.

“Stop it.” Jinyoung whispers to Jackson threateningly when the attention was finally out of him.

“You promised to behave.” Jackson whispered back, reminding him.

“Well you promised he wasn’t an asshole.” Jinyoung shot back before turning his seat so he has his back on his manager’s face. He would probably get an earful later, but right now he’s too pissed off to care.

He was just in time to hear Bambam assigning them their PAs, officially called Production Assistants but more commonly known as Personal Assistant. Also runner, if anyone is being petty.

“For anything that Jaebum hyung would need, Kim Yugyeom would be there to assist you. Ask him anything and he shall provide.” Bambam announced, pushing a tall boy that was fidgeting to the front.

“Hello! I’m Kim Yugyeom!” He bowed deeply then stepped back, still fidgeting in obvious excitement and it made Jinyoung mad. Or it had annoyed him, at some point.

“Mr. Park Jinyoung’s PA would be Mark Tuan hyung!” Bambam did not push the tall boy this time, just made way for him to step in front and bow towards Jinyoung’s way. Jinyoung immediately stood up and bowed in return. “Please don’t hesitate to ask Mark hyung if ever you need anything!”

There were a few more introduction, some discussion of schedules and then Bambam was announcing a five minute break before they went on to the actual script reading. Most of the staff had stood up and went to a beeline for the food cart, but there were some that went to the direction of the bathroom like Jackson did.

Jinyoung, however, stayed on his spot.

He was trying to stay put, clutching on the script on his lap as if it was his lifeline. In a few minutes, five most likely, they would start the first ever script reading for  _ Definite Soul _ and although that was already a huge thing, it’s even more for Jinyoung. 

For the first time, Jinyoung wasn’t just a side character.

For the first time, Jinyoung didn’t just have a couple of lines.

For the first time, Jinyoung was  _ important _ to the movie.

All these makes him excited, but they also get on his nerves. He prides himself for being a great actor, even if the world hasn’t seen it yet. But it feels like he’s back to Day 1 where he has no idea what to do and what to say and how to act it out. 

What if he makes a mistake? What if he reads it wrong? What if he doesn’t remember what to do? What if he fucks it up? What if they--

Jinyoung looks up suddenly when he felt something hit his chest. It was a crumpled piece of paper so he opened it up to see the front cover of the script, except the name on the bottom says  _ JB IM played by IM JAEBUM _ . He immediately looked up and ended up locking eyes with the owner.

Jaebum tilted his head then mouthed, or at least it’s what Jinyoung thought he mouthed,  _ You’ll be fine _ .

Frowning, Jinyoung just stared blankly at him because what was he supposed to say? Thanks? I know? Go away? But Jinyoung was saved from answering when Bambam stood in front and announced that they were going to start.

Jinyoung makes the mistake of looking at Jaebum again, but the idol was now busy looking at his own script. It confuses Jinyoung to no end.

 

“So…” Jackson looked at him through the front mirror of the car, his eyebrows raised at Jinyoung’s slumped form. “How’s my little star?”

Jinyoung grunts, “I’m taller than you.”

“Still my little star.” Jackson winks, earning another grunt from Jinyoung. “But okay, okay. Do you want to just go home and order pizza or do you want to eat somewhere? You look so drained.”

Jinyoung is drained. They went through the whole script three times for the past five hours, with Bambam correcting their intonation and feelings for each scenes. Even though their Director look like he’s five years old, he was very detailed when it came to the actual work and Jinyoung knew it would be a pleasure to work with him.

“Home, please.” He mumbles to his manager, already curling up on the back of the car for a quick nap.

“Don’t sleep like that. Your back will hurt.” Jackson worriedly says.

Too late, Jinyoung was already dozing off.

 

When Jinyoung woke up, he was on his bed and the lights are off but he could see sun shining through the window. Slowly, he swung his feet to the edge of the bed and looked for his slippers. He went out his room and sure enough, the sun was shining brightly through the window in their living room.

Jackson, however, was nowhere to be found.

Jinyoung checked his phone and saw that there was only one message on it.

**From** : MY BITCH   
**Message** : Bro, your breakfast is on the table. I’m on a meeting with the company for your schedule. Be back in a few. Don’t miss me much :*

He walked towards their small dining table and saw a pack of ramen and an opened box of chicken from their favorite restaurant.

**To** : MY BITCH   
**Message** : Get me real food when you get back.

Jinyoung went to heat up water for his ramen when his phone pinged to show that Jackson had replied.He ignored it, along with the next three messages he heard he received. He placed all concentration on cooking his ramen and making sure the noodles is exactly the way he wanted it to be.

Fifteen minutes later, he was on the table with his cooked ramen and heated honey chicken. He picked up his phone again and grinned when he saw six unread messages, all from his manager.

**From** : MY BITCH   
**Message** : You ungrateful rat! I should’ve just eaten all that honey chicken!

**From** : MY BITCH   
**Message** : You’re cooking it, aren’t you? DISHONOR ON YOUR COW or whatever animal you were raising

**From** : MY BITCH   
**Message** : Got the full schedule from Bambam for the shooting. He said that you should review scenes 2, 4 something. Let me just forward his message.

**From** : MY BITCH   
**Message** : THIS IS BAMBAM’S MESSAGE   
Good Morning, hyung! :3 We’re still up for dinner on the 5th right? :D   
Anyway, please have Jinyoung ssi to memorize scenes 2 to 6 and 8 to 9. We’re practicing them next week then we’d shoot them the next day, so please clear out his schedule for three days. See ya ;)

**From** : MY BITCH   
**Message** : There you have it. Next shooting is in one week.

**From** : MY BITCH   
**Message** : I’m going back now. I have pizza. We didn’t get to eat one last night cause you knocked out. :*

Jinyoung frowned at Bambam’s casual message to Jackson. When did they become so friendly? Surely a day together, wherein they weren’t even talking to each other, wasn’t enough to establish a casual friendship like that? Pushing that worry for later, he grabbed his script from his room and went back to the table to eat. He has a week to memorize the lines and he’s going to  _ prove  _ himself.

 

> EXT. SEOUL - RAINY NIGHT
> 
> Streets of Seoul covered in puddles as the rain continues assaulting the whole place. People would be running towards shops to cover themselves from the rain.
> 
> INT. DINGY ROAD - RAINY NIGHT
> 
> View of the back of Junior Park as he walks slowly along a puddled road. JB Im would be walking across him with the umbrella.
> 
> JUNIOR PARK, wears a long black coat on top of a gray sweater, jeans and has a huge scarf round his neck. He would be drenched from head to toe.

 

Jinyoung was almost done reading his lines in scene 3 because scene 2 barely had any conversation, when he heard someone enter the passcode and the door clicked open. There was only really one person who knows the code, so he was pretty sure he knows who it was.

“I come with pizza!” Jackson announces from the door, the sound of his shoes hitting the rack following right after. Jinyoung didn’t move, busy reading when Jackson enters the kitchen and places the box of pizza on the table. “You just finished eating?”

Jinyoung looked at the clock on the wall. “I finished, like, 45 minutes ago.”

Jackson eyed the dirty dishes in front of Jinyoung with a sigh. “I’ll forgive you just because I know you’re reading your script. But next time,  _ please  _ wash your own as soon as you finish.”

Jinyoung just nods at him, already flipping the next page. He was trying not to note down the differences between the book and the script and he knew he has to stop comparing them, that he has to 100% devote the acting solely on the screenplay. Even though this film is based on the book, he knew he shouldn’t compare the two.

“Want to move to the couch? It’s easier to sit there.” Jackson suggested as soon as he finished washing the dishes. He grabbed the box of pizza and used it to prod Jinyoung’s shoulders. “Come on.”

After much prodding and Jinyoung knowing Jackson wouldn’t give up, he stands up and moves toward the couch. Jackson follows closely after him. He sat on the right, his official seat, while Jackson plops on the left. He opens the box of pizza and then grabs his phone and his earphone, knowing Jinyoung would need the peace and quiet.

They stayed like that for a while, Jinyoung reading his script and mouthing the words without actually saying them while Jackson munched on the pizza and watched whatever it was on his phone. It was only when Jinyoung was about to move on to scene 9 when Jackson broke the silence.

“Oh, Jinyoungie! You should watch this!” Jackson was pushing the phone to his face and had already placed the left part of the earphone to his ears.

Jinyoung raised an eyebrow, but said nothing as he turned his attention to the screen of phone. Then his heartbeat raised and his blood boiled.

“To you, for you!” Two voices says simultaneously, “Hello everyone, we are 2JAE!”

Jaebum, in a bright blue shirt unlike his all black attire the other day, said cheerfully, “Hello everyone, I’m 2JAE’s leader Im Jaebum.” Then he bows and passed the microphone to the boy beside him.

“Hello everyone! I’m 2JAE’s maknae Youngjae!” The other boy says, a huge bright smile on his face. They looked complete opposites like this, Jaebum with his polite smile and the other boy, Youngjae, with such a bright and honest expression on his face.

The interviewer, a host that Jinyoung feels like he’s seen somewhere but can’t really put a name on, asks the two of them, “Congratulations on another leading role, Jaebum ssi! But what made you take on the role of JB Im? The book was already a huge issue, but for an idol to take on the role of a gay male…” the man trailed off, probably not knowing how to end the question.

Jaebum, however, just smiles. “It was an honor to take on the role of JB Im. But I hope people would see beyond the fact that the character is gay and is in a relationship with another male.” he looks at the camera, “The story of  _ Definite Soul  _ has a lot to offer so I hope everyone would watch it.”

The host coughs, “Okay, then. Uh. What can you say about your character, JB Im?”

“JB Im would be nothing without Junior Park.” Jaebum says, “So if you need an insight to the story, I think you should talk to my co-star Park Jinyoung ssi. He’s a great actor and I’m sure you’d all see it soon.”

Jinyoung almost chokes on air when he hears this part but the video wasn’t done.

“Oh, you already had your script reading with your co-actor then?” The host looks positively excited to be able to squeeze out news. “How was it? How was he knowing you’d be shooting romantic scenes with him soon?”

“Jinyoung ssi was really great.” Jaebum repeated then smiled at the camera. “He diligently read his script and even read the book. Please await  _ Definite Soul _ .”

Jinyoung felt like his breathe was snatched out of him. Especially when the interviewer looked put out that Jaebum didn’t say anything anymore. He turned his attention to Youngjae next, but Jinyoung was too far gone to hear the part that Youngjae would be singing the OST of the movie.

“What the fuck is he on about?!” Jinyoung almost threw Jackson’s phone back to him, causing the boy to immediately catch it before it hits the floor. “ _ Great actor _ ? Diligent? I WAS  _ GREAT _ ?!”

Jackson looked up from where he was coddling his phone to glare at Jinyoung, “He just gave you free publicity and  _ you _ ’re complaining? This is great news, man! His fans will actually search for you right now!”

“I don’t  _ really _ want to be associated with him!” Jinyoung grabbed his own phone and went to Naver main page and true enough, other than the fact that the article and video was on the HOT TOPIC but so was his name as trending in #10 Park Jinyoung.

“I don’t want to be--associated with him! We barely spoke one word to each other!”

“Dude,” Jackson raised an eyebrow at him, “You spent the past five hours rehearsing  _ with  _ him.”

“That was not talking at all. We were just. Rehearsing. That’s different.” Jinyoung insisted, burrowing himself deeper in the couch. The script was crumpling in his hand, but he couldn’t give a shit right now. He feels so embarrassed that the only way for a two year actor like him to end up on the front page was because of an  _ idol _ .

Beside him, Jackson raises an eyebrow. “Please stop being so judgemental on your co-star. You haven’t even seen him act or watched one of their MVs. So you can’t judge.”

Jinyoung just stays quiet, sulking.

“Have it your way, then.” Jackson grabs another slice of pizza and continues watching on his phone.

 

Park Jinyoung, you could say, relates to Junior Park on more than just the fact that their surname is Park and the fact that they’re both… well…  _ gay _ . There was no other word of it, Jinyoung was sure he was gay and that was one of the reasons he even read  _ Definite Soul _ .

The thing is, Park Jinyoung came from a small company that represents actors. He was one of their many actors and certainly not one of the most popular. When Jinyoung debuted in a small role two years ago as the son of the antagonist in a drama, he wasn’t expecting to suddenly boom into popularity.

He didn’t expect to suddenly become a nationally known actor when he got a small role as a bully turned good guy in a short drama a few months after his first project. So did his next project, a student in a High School themed movie.

But two years since his debut, he was still unknown--that was not something Jinyoung expected.

You could say he was desperate or you could say he’s a struggling actor, but he could understand each and every pain Junior Park felt throughout the novel. That was why he fell in love with it after reading the first chapter.

This role, this first main lead character, wasn’t just a step into his career. No.

 

“What the hell, man? Why would you stop me?” Jinyoung says with as much feeling as he could.

“Is that how you’d thank someone that saved you? Again, I might add. Where’s my scarf?” Jackson reads the script in front of him, looking at Jinyoung as he finishes.

Clutching his chest, Jinyoung delivers the next line. “Help? You stopped me! I could be--”

“Dead on the streets right now, I know.”Jackson interrupts, but Jinyoung grunts and he looks up. “What’s wrong  _ now _ ?”

“Not good enough! You didn’t interrupt me at the right time, I had to pause.” Jinyoung complains, picking up the script and reads the instructions, “It says here  _ JB INTERRUPTS JUNIOR  _ half-way the word--”

“Man. Chill.” Jackson puts his hands up, “I know practice is important, but don’t criticize  _ my  _ acting because I’m not the one that will act with you.”

“But I need to do it well!” Jinyoung finally sits down on the couch, throwing the script on the table. “What time is it even? I feel hungry, but we can’t order pizza again or else I’ll gain weight before the shooting.”

Jackson seemed to think for a moment. “Want to go out and eat? I still have money…”

Jinyoung felt a stab of guilt, knowing Jackson’s pay depends on his projects seeing as he was Jinyoung’s manager. He would offer to pay, but the truth is that he doesn’t really have money enough either.

“Let’s go.”

 

“I know a great place to get jjigae.” Jaebum says when Youngjae whined to their manager to get kimchi jjigae because he was craving. “It’s a small place and is cheap, so maybe manager hyung can run to get us three orders of it?”

Youngjae immediately turned to their manager with huge eyes, the one that gets him anything he wants. “Please, hyung? Please? The restaurant has Jaebum hyung’s approval so it must be good!” he pouted for extra emphasis.

Jaebum tries to hide his grin with his hand as he sees their manager struggle to think of an appropriate response, until he finally gives in and agrees. Jaebum has rarely seen anyone say  _ no  _ to Youngjae.

“It’s just the next street down from where we get groceries, hyung.” Jaebum says, “It’s small so you might miss it, so stop when you see the huge sign for McDonald’s.”

Youngjae cheers in his seat as their manager drives towards the place, following Jaebum’s direction. He smiles to Jaebum. “Thanks, hyung! I’m just so hungry after all the interviews today. I’m okay with performing, but interviews are so tiring.”

“You still have more tomorrow.” Their manager pipes up from the front, reminding them. “So you should get lots of sleep tonight while you still can.”

“Okay, hyung.” Jaebum answers him then turns to Youngjae to ruffle his hair, causing the boy to try and bite his wrist. “Calm down, Jae. We’ll be fine, we’ve had tons more before. I just wish they’d stop asking so much about the movie.”

Their manager chuckles from the front, but doesn’t say anything.

“But the movie is a huge thing, hyung! I’m so glad you took the part instead of all those High School bad boy roles you get a lot.” Youngjae says sincerely. Jaebum knew he was because all those nights during trainees and then those nights when they finally debuted, they had talked a lot about themselves and about their dreams and Youngjae knew. “You’ll become a better actor, hyung.”

Youngjae knew.

“Thanks.” Jaebum grins before he lightly punches the boy’s shoulders. “Anyway, what else are we getting besides jjigae?”

This seemed to distract Youngjae well enough. “I vote for bulgogi!”

“Anyway, decide fast kids. I see the McDonald’s sign from here.”

“Bulgogi?” Jaebum confirms and Youngjae agrees. “Then three kimchi jjigaes, one order of bulgogi and ask if they have extra egg rolls, hyung?”

Their manager nods then parks in a free parking spot, “I’ll be back. Behave, alright? No leaving the van or opening it.” He looks at them sternly.

“We promise, hyung. I think Youngjae learned his lesson already.” Jaebum looks at Youngjae and remembered the boy’s surprised face when fans started screaming and shoving their phones to his face that one time he opened the van’s window to check if the wind was cold.

“Good. Now stay.” Then he left.

 

There were only a few times Jinyoung was thankful he was not well-known (or known at all) and this was one of those days.

“I’ll bring back the money, ahjumma! I promise! I just need to--”

“No! Pay up or I won’t hand over the food.” The stern lady says, not letting go of the bag of food they ordered.

Jinyoung can’t believe Jackson  _ forgot  _ to bring his wallet with him. They already walked here, hoping to save gas and now they won’t even have food for dinner.

“I’m so sorry, ahjumma we’ll just--” Jinyoung felt a hand on his arm and he looked up, eyebrows knotting because he doesn’t know this person is? “Uh…?”

The man bowed to the ahjumma. “Excuse me, ma’am. Can I please have three kimchi jjigae, one bulgogi and extra egg rolls for take out? I’ll also pay for their dinner.” He smiles and hands over 300,000 won bills.

From her furious expression earlier, the ahjumma turned into all smiles. “Sure, sure! Coming right up!” She takes the money and rings up their order, turning around to give the order to the cooks inside the kitchen.

Jinyoung turns to look at the man, but couldn’t think of a name. It turns out it was Jackson who knew him, though.

“Oh, Seunghoon hyung!” Jackson jumped up and down before jumping into the man’s arms. “Thank you so much for saving us from hunger!”

The man chuckled, carefully pealing Jackson off of him. “How are you, Jackson ssi? Jiyoung ssi?”

Jinyoung still doesn’t know  _ who  _ the man is, so he lets jackson do the talking.

“We’re so hungry, hyung! Thank you so much! I promise I’ll pay you back next week! Or sooner, if we see each other again like this.” Jackson looked like he was thinking for a second, “Or I could just buy you food next time?”

Seunghoon, the man, just shook his head. “Hey, it’s okay, Jackson ssi. It’s not much anyway. How about you join us for dinner instead? I’m sure it would be… interesting.”

For some reason, Jackson turned to give Jinyoung a short glance before nodding his head enthusiastically. “Sure, hyung! Where are you eating, though?” he asked.

“Back home! I could just drive you back later.” Seunghoon said cheerfully, giving Jinyoung a glance just like Jackson did.

“Really, hyung? Woah that’s so nice of you!” he immediately went and hugged Seunghoon again, only letting go when the lady came back with his order.

“Thank you!” The lady said, as she hands over the food to Seunghoon. She gave one last glare over at Jackson and Jinyoung’s way before returning to whatever she was doing. 

“Come on, then?”Seunghoon led the way, walking out of the small hidden restaurant and back outside where the sun had finally set. “I parked just in front of McDonald’s so it won’t be a long walk, don’t worry.”

Jinyoung followed just behind Jackson, still trying to remember whether he knew this Seunghoon person. But as they were walking out on the streets, weaving through numerous people and getting closer to McDonald’s… Jinyoung started getting nervous. Surely, Jackson didn’t…? Surely, he’s not…? But as they draw nearer, he felt the first stab of nerves and betrayal as he sees a van.

True enough, Jinyoung wasn’t a huge fan of idols, preferring solo artists like Lim Changjung or Sung Shikyung. But he didn’t live under a rock and didn’t know what these huge big black vans are for and if… he took one glance at Jackson.

“We’re here.” Seunghoon stopped right at the tinted door. “Enter fast, alright? We don’t want anyone trying to enter too.”

Jackson nodded his head, letting Seunghoon use his key to open the door. Jinyoung was already rooted on his spot, the betrayal catching up onto him. So what else was he supposed to do but to glare at Jackson? But his manager was already climbing inside the van.

“Please enter fast, Jinyoung ssi.” Seunghoon snapped him out of his thoughts.

“Oh, yes. I’m sorry.” Jinyoung bowed in apology as he climbed inside the van too, the door closing with a click behind him. He nervously looked up and he was  _ right _ .

“Hello, Jinyoung ssi! I’m Youngjae! It’s nice to meet you!” Youngjae, the boy on the right, greets cheerfully. Jackson was at the back seat and Jinyoung was left to crouch right in front of Im Jaebum.

Jinyoung would curse, but he didn’t want to offend anyone.

“Please sit on the back, Jinyoung ssi. I’m going to start the car now.” Seunghoon said from the front, already on his seat and his hands on the steering wheel.

“Oh, yes, I’m sorry.” Jinyoung apologizes yet again, annoyed at how stupid he’s feeling right now. He’s going to strangle Jackson later when they’re alone and without eye witness. So he shuffles past Jaebum and slides to the sit beside his manager, making sure to pinch the man’s side as he sits down.

“Everyone all set?” Seunghoon asks.

“We’re good, hyung.” Jaebum answers and Jinyoung hates how he flinches at it. “How about the both of you?” he turns a little, enough to let them both know that he was talking to them.

Jinyoung pinches Jackson’s thigh again. “We’re good!” Jackson replies, swatting his hands away. “Thank you so much for taking us and we’re sorry for the bother.”

“No, it’s okay, hyung! It’s always exciting to meet new people.” Youngjae answers, turning his whole body to look at the both of them. “I’m Choi Youngjae and I’m so glad hyung invited you to dinner! We can watch TV and I’ll introduce you to Coco!”

“Oh man, we owe Seunghoon hyung a lot so let  _ us  _ thank you guys not the other way around!” Jackson pipes up the same time Jinyoung says, “Coco?”

“It’s okay, Jackson hyung!” Youngjae grins, taking out his phone. “Anyway, Coco is my puppy. She’s  _ the  _ most adorable girl in the whole wide world. Here, let me show you some photos.” Then he started tapping on his phone, presumably opening the folder.

“Prepare for a full narrative on the life of Twae Coco.” Jaebum says, but Jinyoung could hear a hint of fondness on his voice. He couldn’t tell if it was for Coco or for the owner.

But Youngjae was already showing Coco’s photos from his phone, an album of 246 photos of his puppy complete with videos of her barking at him. Jinyoung listened attentively while Jackson made sure to react appropriately, even asking a few question here and there then cooing when Coco is too cute for words.

It wasn’t long before they arrived inside a building, entering the underground parking. Seunghoon pulled up and turned to them, “We’re here! Everyone please check if you forgot anything on the seats. I don’t want to end up running back here again.” he said the last part while staring at Youngjae.

Giggling, Youngjae just slides his phone inside his pocket and picks up his bag. All five of them pile out of the van and into the deserted parking lot, a bit creepy.

“The elevator is this way.” Seunghoon says, leading. The four of them followed, Youngjae and Jackson excitedly talking about food and Coco. So Jinyoung falls a step behind them, trying not to interrupt.

“Not the talkative kind, are you?” Jinyoung almost flinches when he hears a deep voice ask beside him. He turns his head sees Jaebum walking beside him, hands in his pocket and eyes in front of him.

So Jinyoung does the same thing, looks in front and answers. “Not really.”

Jaebum just hums and neither of them talked again as they enter the elevator and it goes up until the 12th floor. They follow Seunghoon as they pile out into a quiet and empty hallway, walking until they arrived to Apartment 1206, he entered the code and opened the door, stepping to the side to let them all in.

To be very honest, Jinyoung wasn’t expecting anything in an idol’s dorm. He wasn’t a huge fan of them and rarely ever watch shows that has anything to do with them, so he has no idea what he would see in one. But he wasn’t expecting it to be as neat and organized as this.

“Surprised?” Youngjae pipes up when both Jackson and Jinyoung stood by the door, probably gawking at the clean room in front of them. Not to mention, the huge television with tons of games below it. “Jaebum hyung has OCD.”

Jaebum punches Youngjae’s arm slightly. “Hey.”

Youngjae snorts. “Okay, fine. Jaebum hyung has  _ mild  _ OCD.” He corrects then turns to said man, “Is that fine now, hyung?”

“Jinyoungie has mild OCD too! You should see him arranging our bathroom supp--OUCH!” Jinyoung had unknowingly punched Jackson’s sides, causing the man to clutch onto it. “You’re mean.”

“And you talk too much.” Jinyoung counters back, surprised to hear giggles coming from in front of him. Youngjae was giggling, trying to hide his laughter behind his palm while Jaebum had an infuriating smirk on his face.

Luckily, before Jinyoung blows up on anyone, there was a small padding of footsteps and then followed by a loud barking. A small fluff ball that most definitely is Coco started jumping on Youngjae’s foot, causing the boy to crouch down and pick the puppy up.

“Coco meet Jackson oppa and Jinyoung oppa. Say hi!” Youngjae cooed, hands immediately running through her long white hair. “Jackson hyung and Jinyoung hyung, meet my princess Coco!”

Just as Youngjae had promised, Coco was adorable and it made Jinyoung melt. But she wasn’t as enraptured with the both of them like they were with her, causing her to bark and try to bite Jackson’s hands as it tries to pat their head.

“Aww,” Youngjae pouted, holding her closer. “I’ll put her back in her bed and the two of you can go the kitchen! I’m sure Seunghoon hyung and Jaebum hyung had already prepared the meal.” He opens the door of the room closest to them, still holding onto the small pup.

And for the first time, Jackson and Jinyoung were finally alone. So what would Jinyoung do? He immediately steps on his manager’s feet, making sure to put in all his energy on it before turning to walk towards where he saw Jaebum and Seunghoon enter. Jackson was left on the floor, clutching his foot.

“Mean.” Jackson hissed to Jinyoung.

Jinyoung, not turning around, hissed back a, “Traitor.” Then he entered the kitchen.

 

Dinner was a small affair, all of them eating their own meal and just sharing the side dishes and the extra order of Bulgogi. Jaebum has the extra order of egg rolls though, glaring at Youngjae if the boy ever tries to tease him at taking one.

There was small talk, usually with Jackson and with either Youngjae or Seunghoon. Jinyoung and Jaebum remained silent throughout the meal, neither of them saying anything.

 

“So, rehearsal is in 3 days.” Jaebum spoke suddenly, surprising Jinyoung. They were in the living room, Jinyoung was looking through the collection of book displayed in their shelf. He didn’t even notice that Jaebum was just right behind him.

“W-What?” Jinyoung turns around and ends up face-to-face with Jaebum, his jawline even looking sharper up close. He saw that there was no one else in the living room besides them, the others probably in the kitchen. Jackson really  _ is  _ a traitor.

Jaebum didn’t sound put off by the fact that Jinyoung didn’t answer his question and just shrugged. “So you read, Jinyoung ssi? You’ve been intently looking through my bookshelf for the past 15 minutes now.”

Oh, so it was Jaebum’s bookshelf. Jinyoung should’ve known. Youngjae looked like the gamer type.

“Just looking. I have a lot of your books on my own bookshelf too.” Jinyoung admits. “But you don’t have  _ Definite Soul  _ here. Have you even read that book before?”

“I’ve read the script.” Jaebum answers simply and it got on Jinyoung’s nerves.

“So you haven’t even read the book yet?” Jinyoung repeats, not liking how the other man did not answer him properly.

“Have you?” Jaebum shot back, an eyebrow raised.

“Of course, I did! In case you didn’t notice me reading it during the Script Reading.” Jinyoung can’t believe someone could be this stupid. Im Jaebum was stupid.

But Jaebum just shrugs, “How am I supposed to know you actually read it and not just carry it for the show?”

This got the rise out of Jinyoung. “Well,  _ excuse me _ ! I am not like you--” But before he could continue his tirade of probably curse words about idols just acting nice for the public and their lack of talent in acting, Jackson had appeared with his hands automatically covering Jinyoung’s mouth.

“We have to go now, Jaebum ssi. It was nice meeting you. Jinyoungie here hasn’t slept properly so he’s cranky.” Jackson says with a smile, despite Jinyoung struggling in his hold. “Thank you so much for having us.”

Jaebum watched amusedly as Jackson all but dragged Jinyoung out of the dorm, Seunghoon following behind them. Luckily they didn’t bring anything with them or else they would’ve left them with the way Jackson had hurriedly left, probably not wanting to offend Jaebum in any way. Soon enough, the door was closed and it was only him and Youngjae left.

“Jinyoung hyung doesn’t seem to like you much.” Youngjae finally said, Coco already in his arms.

“Well, I wouldn’t like me either if I was him.” Jaebum just says. “Now go rest up. We have tons of interviews tomorrow, remember?”

Youngjae whined before entering the bathroom and closing the door.

 

“I thought we agreed not to  _ offend  _ your co-star?!” Jackson asked the moment they were inside their shared apartment. He would’ve asked in the elevator, but there was an old lady with them and he didn’t want any chance of Jinyoung having a ruined image.

Jinyoung doesn’t answer, just kicking off his shoes to place them in the shoe rack and grabbing his bunny slippers to put it on. He walked towards the couch, immediately plopping on it and grabbing the script he left on the table.

“Let’s practice.” Jinyoung just said.

Jackson looks at him unamusedly from where he was left by the door, shoes still tied. “Jinyoung, we need to talk about this. You almost blew up on Jaebum earlier.” he crouched down to untie his shoelaces, throwing it in the shoe rack and grabbing his own slippers. “Park Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung didn’t answer, flipping through the pages.

“Park Jinyoung.” Jackson walked to stand in front of Jinyoung, eyeing the other.

Jinyoung still doesn’t answer.

“I’m actually here and I can actually  _ see  _ you.”

When Jinyoung still didn’t reply, Jackson was left with no choice but to grab the script from Jinyoung’s hand and hide it behind his back. True enough, this caught Jinyoung’s attention but the boy just grabbed his phone to look through it.

“Why are you being so sulky right now?!” Jackson sits down, placing the script back on the table seeing as taking it didn’t do the job. “If you’re mad because I got us into having dinner with them, then I’m sorry. But he invited us and paid for our food, it would’ve been impolite!”

Jinyoung just scrolls through his feed, probably Twitter.

“The dinner was going well, why did you even have to snap at Jaebum?” Jackson finally asks.

This finally caught Jinyoung’s attention because if there was one thing he thoroughly hated, it was being blamed for a fight he didn’t even start. He can’t believe Jackson is  _ blaming him  _ for Jaebum’s stupidity.

“The fucking idiot hasn’t even read the book, did you know? So why the fuck are you blaming me for?” Jinyoung demands, finally putting down his phone. He doesn’t even understand why he’s so angry, but he is. Angry at himself and offended by Jaebum and betrayed by his own best friend.

“Lots of people hasn’t read the novel their movie is being based on!” Jackson can’t really name names, but he’s pretty sure not all actors read the novel of their movies. Right?

Jinyoung just snorts, not rising to the bait. “Whatever. Jaebum is just like any other idol actor out there, riding in their fame to get a character.  _ I _ , however, need to work hard to be known so let’s table this topic and practice now.”

And sadly, sadly, Jackson knows a losing battle when he sees one.

So Jackson just sighs, grabbing the script from the table again. “What part are we on again?”

 

“Hey, hyung! Do you want to--” Youngjae blinks when he sees his Jaebum hyung on the bed with the laptop propped up on his lap. The older boy was asleep, probably memorizing his script because it was on his hand too. “Aw, hyung.”

Youngjae walks over to Jaebum to grab the laptop and laid it on the desk by the wall. He then went and picked up the script, placing it on the bedside table. He carefully maneuvered Jaebum to a better sleeping position before tugging on the bed sheet and tucking his hyung in.

“Goodnight, hyung.” Youngjae whispers as he goes to turn off the laptop. He was surprised to see the browser open and was in google. Giggling, he closes them and shuts the laptop down. “Oh hyung…”

Youngjae grins, thinking of how much fun he’ll have tomorrow as he teases his Jaebum hyung about googling Park Jinyoung photos before bedtime.

 

Bambam was a strict Director.

When Jinyoung first saw the boy (man, whatever), he didn’t think he’d be  _ this  _ demanding. True, he has the right (and left, if anyone wants to be sarcastic enough), but Jinyoung wasn’t expecting to be going through scene 5 for three hours straight with only bathroom breaks and 3 water breaks in.

“Again!” Bambam calls, the script in his hand already crumpled long ago. “We need to focus a lot on facial expression people! Jinyoung hyung, feel the pain. BE ONE WITH IT!”

“Yes, sir.” Jinyoung and the whole team had taken to calling Bambam as  _ sir  _ after the first hour. Director Bambam was too long and Bambam was too formal, so everyone just decided to fuck it and call him sir. Except Jackson.

“Jaebum hyung  _ Is that how you’d thank someone that saved you  _ in 3, 2, 1!” Bambam called.

Right on cue, Jaebum delivers his line swiftly,  _ “Is that how you’d thank someone that saved you?” _

But Bambam groaned loudly, causing all and both of them to look in his direction. “No, I give up. We need to practice this with the actual actions now--” Jinyoung stiffened. “From the start of Scene 2! Props bring me an umbrella and scarf!”

Jinyoung’s mind blanked.

“Actors take fifteen minutes to freshen up or eat. We’re going to go through scene 2 then jump immediately to 5 and then 9. Jaebum hyung has a fansign so when he leaves we can practice scene 3 and 8.” Bambam announced, not even waiting for an answer as he goes and calls for Junhyeok, the Cinematographer.

Jinyoung turns and sees Yugyeom handing Jaebum a towel and a bottle of water, he was about to think of how  _ biased  _ these PAs are at serving idols versus unknown actors like him when he feels a tap on his shoulder. Turning around, he was greeted with a sky blue towel and the smiley face of his PA.

“I have food and water on your changing room! Jackson bought food earlier.” Mark said and when Jinyoung didn’t move, a little too shocked, Mark had gone out of his way to wipe the sweat off of Jinyoung’s face. This managed to snap Jinyoung back to reality.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’ll do it.” Jinyoung murmurs, taking the towel from his PA’s hand to wipe the sweat cooling on the back of his neck. “You said Jackson bought food? Where is he now?”

Mark shrugs, leading the way towards Jinyoung’s changing room (or tent, more like it). “He said he had an errand to run and left an hour ago. He said he’d be back in around… three hours? So two hours more.” They arrived in front of the tent and Mark opened the door to let Jinyoung in first before following.

The food was on the small table right beside the huge fan that’s cooling the tent. “Did you eat yet?” Jinyoung asked when he noticed that were was only one serving of food on the table. “We could share this? I don’t really want to eat a lot.”

Mark looked at him with this puppy dog eyes and pout that would’ve fit an eight year old better. “Really?”

Jinyoung nodded. “Of course. Here, Mark ssi, sit beside me.” He pulled an empty seat and placed it just beside him.

Mark immediately slid on the seat, smiling brightly now. “You can call me Mark hyung, I don’t mind.”

“Okay, then, Mark hyung.” Jinyoung handed over an extra pair of chopsticks he found inside the plastic bag. “Let’s eat, then?”

The food wasn’t a lot, seeing as their company didn’t have a lot of money allotted for food for Jinyoung. He was pretty sure Jackson entered the cheapest restaurant he could find and ordered the cheapest box of chicken he could get. They also have kimchi and a really shifty looking pickles with a bowl of jjajjangmyun.

“I’m sorry it’s not much.” Jinyoung smiles, watching Mark poke around the pickles as if testing if it would bite him back.

Mark turned to him, looking surprised. “Why are you apologizing? It’s okay!”

Jinyoung remembered the news he saw yesterday, about EXO’s D.O Do Kyungsoo’s fans sending a food truck on the set of his newest drama. He remembers 2JAE’s Im Jaebum and the numerous fans he has. Then he sees himself, without any fans and without any money to buy anything pricier than 50,000 won.

“Nothing. It’s nothing.” Jinyoung shook his head, carefully wrapping the jjajjangmyun noodles around his chopsticks before eating them, making sure not to splash anything on his clothes since he doesn’t have a lot.

Mark doesn’t look like he believes him, but they obviously weren’t close enough for any interrogations. Maybe in the future. So he just puts back his attention to the chicken in front of him, carefully choosing the smallest one.

 

“Let’s start from the top! Jinyoung ssi walking under the rain and Jaebum hyung  _ Are you alright  _ in 3! 2! 1!” Bambam calls, his voice louder this time as he had probably taken some rest.

Jinyoung immediately focuses his attention solely on his acting, slumping his shoulders to show defeat with his head bowed down and his feet taking step per step too slowly. He tried to mirror the image in his mind of how this scene would’ve went when he was reading the book. He schooled his face with as much pain and desperation, the tears already threatening to break out.

_ “Are you alright?”  _ Jaebum was in front of him, Jinyoung could see the very expensive sneakers the other man had worn today from where his head was bowed low.

_ “I’m alright.”  _ Jinyoung lets his voice break a little, just how they had practiced it. The tears stinging his eyes were helping.

_ “Stop lying.” _

Jinyoung looks up, the snap of his head almost hurting with the way his eyes were now wet with tears.  _ “W-What?”  _

He was expecting Jaebum to be in character, seeing as they were practicing. But he didn’t expect the other man to be immersed in his role.

_ “Stop lying.”  _ Jaebum repeated and Jinyoung didn’t even have to force himself to shiver, his body immediately reacted that way.

_ “What are you even--”  _ Jinyoung was glad that Jaebum had interrupted him with the umbrella at the right moment. To be honest, he had no idea how he would’ve reacted if Jaebum didn’t do it in time. But the umbrella handle was on his hand, wrapped personally by Jaebum’s warm hands. Then the boy set to work on the scarf, but that was the ending of their perfect start.

“Cut!” Bambam called, walking towards them. “That was slightly better than earlier. If Jinyoung could cry more, that would be perfect for the scene. Now for the scarf…”

Bambam set out to explain how he wanted the scarf wrapping done. He also fixed their standing and the steps to be taken, then proceeded to show them where the cameras would be placed and how many shots from which angles would be done.

“So we’re going for an over the shoulder shot when I tie the scarf?” Jaebum confirmed, when Bambam asked if there was any questions. 

Bambam seemed to think of this for a moment. “Probably an over the shoulder for you and one for Jinyoung hyung. We need to make sure the flow would look just right for the editing, so we have to double check with Junhyeok hyung. I’ll talk to him later about this.”

Jaebum nodded. “Can I practice with Jinyoung ssi just a few times before we go for another full run of scene 2?” he turned to look at Jinyoung for confirmation. “Is that alright with you, Jinyoung ssi?”

And in that moment, Jinyoung’s anger at Jaebum had come back.

“Sure.” Jinyoung gritted his teeth, trying hard not to bite back any nasty response. He can’t believe he was being mocked, can’t believe he was being  _ by this idol _ .

“Great. Then I’ll talk to Junhyeok hyung and Sungjin hyung first about the flow of the shots for the scarf scene, the both of you practice. I’ll be back in a few.” Bambam, as usual, doesn’t wait for any response as he walks out and presumably to go look for his Cinematographer and D.O.P.

Jinyoung stayed rooted on his spot, trying to stop the blooming anger in his chest. How could Jaebum make him look stupid? Why does Jaebum know all these shots? Sure Jinyoung was an actor, but to be honest he has no knowledge on anything besides actual acting. Was Jaebum flaunting off? Trying to piss him off? Was he trying to ruin--

“I still don’t understand why Bambam has a Cinematographer  _ and  _ a D.O.P.” Jaebum breaks his train of thought and it had Jinyoung blinking up at him, confused. What was he even talking about?

“Huh?”

“Junhyeok ssi and Sungjin ssi?” Jaebum tilted his head at him. Then he blinked as if judging Jinyoung hard and it had his blood boiling in anger again. “Anyway, let’s practice the scarf scene.”

Without even given the time to react, Jinyoung was dragged back to his spot.

 

Practice for scene 9 was pushed until tomorrow because Jaebum’s manager, Seunghoon, had come by to pick him up just as they finished ironing out scene 5. Bambam arranged that they come in earlier tomorrow, preferably a good two hours earlier than the agreed time so they could practice scene 9 before starting to shoot.

Jinyoung was given a thirty minute break for dinner before they go over  _ his  _ solo scenes in 3 and 8. Bambam told him Jackson was coming back soon, having texted him. So Jinyoung walked over to his tent, feeling tired and sore and angry.

“Do you need anything, Jinyoung-ah?” Mark asked, entering the tent as well. “Jackson didn’t give me money for dinner…” he looked sheepish and guilty and Jinyoung felt even worse.

“I’ll be fine.” Jinyoung forces his growling stomach not to make an appearance at that moment. “Do you have dinner?”

“I was going to have a burger and fries, but Jackson told me not to make you eat anymore junk food…” Mark trailed off, guilt written all over his face. “I could buy a bibimbap and share it with you, though?”

Jinyoung’s stomach would have immediately agreed, hungry from four hours of non-stop practicing and delivering his lines. But his ego wouldn’t let him, already bruised from Jaebum earlier.

“It’s okay. I’ll text Jackson to bring me food. Go get your dinner too, Mark hyung.” Jinyoung smiles at him and waits until Mark bows at him before leaving the tent. The moment he does, Jinyoung lets the smile drop off his face and his face to drop to the table.

“Where the hell is Jackson Wang…. what kind of manager abandons his charge in this time of need…” Jinyoung mumbles to wooden table, dragging his cheeks through it and not caring that it was probably full of germs.

“I’m hungryyy…” he whines to the empty room. “And tired… and sore and…” He remembered how he would still be practicing for the next few hours and then he’d have to wake up earlier since they have an additional practice tomorrow. “...I hate my life.”

In his mumbling and whining, Jinyoung accidentally falls asleep with his head on the table and body slumped over.

 

Dragging his body inside the car felt like a chore. Jinyoung didn’t know he could feel this tired after a practice run. Bambam had made sure he mastered the art of going ballistic inside the art studio and wrecking the whole place.

“Are you okay?” Jackson asked when he slid to the driver’s seat. Checking him through the mirror.

Jinyoung grumbles, closing the door as he climbed in and plops down on the seat. It was 12:31AM and they have to wake up at 4:30AM so they have enough time to prepare and then drive to the shooting site, a two hour drive just at the outskirt of Seoul.

Jackson shook his head. “Yeah, go ahead and nap.” Then he starts the car and drives through the empty Hi-way.

 

Jackson ended up half-carrying Jinyoung to the elevator and inside their apartment. He drags him to the bed, throwing him and watching him bounce. Deciding washing can be done when the boy wakes up in 3 hours, he just removed his best friend’s socks and then tucked him in to bed.

“This is just the start, Jinyoungie. You can do it!” Jackson whispers, pumping his fist then left the room in small tiptoes to take care of himself. He set the alarm clock to 4AM so he would be able to cook breakfast at least.

Then, he too, plops down on the bed and knocks off.

 

They were late.

“Hurry up!” Jackson screams, already tying his shoes and then checking his pockets for the keys of the car, his wallet and his phone. When he double checked they were all in his pockets, he turned to see if Jinyoung was ready. “Park Jinyoung!”

“Wait.” Jinyoung just answered back, sounding like he was still in his room.

“What part of we’ll be late don’t you understand?!” Jackson screams again, checking his watch and saw that it was already 5:06AM. They haven’t eaten breakfast and they’d be late if Jinyoung doesn’t come out  _ now _ . “PARK JINYOUNG! HURRY  _ UP _ !”

“I’m done. I’m done.” Jinyoung answers, walking towards the door with his bag on his back and phone on hand. “You scream too loud.”

Jackson wanted to curse so bad. Especially when Jinyoung was taking his sweet,  _ sweet  _ time in wearing his shoes. It was as if Jinyoung hasn’t grabbed the concept of they were going to be  _ late _ . Then again, having lived with him for years, Jackson should’ve known by now that Jinyoung doesn’t like his life fast-paced.

“Are you done  _ now _ ?” Jackson just asked, when Jinyoung finally stood up. But the boy just turned to look at their hall mirror, checking his clothes. “You’re going to be out of them later anyway since you have to wear Junior Park’s clothes.”

“Fashion is important, Jackson.” Jinyoung tsk-ed then finally announced, “Okay, let’s go.”

“Thank fucking  _ finally _ .” Jackson finally opens the door of their apartment and waits for Jinyoung to get out before locking it. Then he grabbed his best friend’s wrist to drag him out to the elevator, hoping that there aren’t many people out on the streets yet. “I can’t believe you want to be  _ late  _ on your first day of shooting.”

Jinyoung shrugs. “I won’t be late for the shooting. I will be late for the practice.”

Jackson doesn’t say anything, waits until they arrived in the parking lot and got inside the car to ask, “Are you being a little shit about this practice because of Jaebum?” he narrowed his eyes, starting the car and slipping on his seat belt.

Jinyoung looked at him through the mirror, looking like the poster boy of innocent. “Mhm? Me?”

“Don’t you act with me.” Jackson said, backing out of the parking space and towards the exit. Soon they were driving along the highway again, the streets of Seoul just littered with a few cars for now. Most people would probably be coming out around 6AM and Jackson hopes they’d be far by then.

 

They weren’t late.

Or, at least, they were earlier than most of the staff and Jaebum. The only ones they didn’t beat to the shooting site was Bambam and the rest of the Team Heads because they had a meeting.

“Told you so.” Jinyoung flashes Jackson a smirk before going inside his tent to presumably read his lines.

Jackson just rolls his eyes and follows his best friend inside, a little surprised that Mark was already there. “Oh, hey man. You’re early.”

“I’m being paid to be here early.” Mark reminded him, then turning to Jinyoung with a smile. “Good morning, Jinyoung-ah! Do you need anything? Yugyeom and I will be driving to the market in a few minutes to run an errand for Bambam.”

Jinyoung shook his head. “Did we need anything, Jackson?” he asked.

“Breakfast would be good.” Jackson sighed, “I knew we should’ve dropped by McDonald’s earlier.”

Jinyoung snorted. “Who was the one that didn’t want to risk it and almost exceeded the speed limit just to get here on time?” he raised an eyebrow, “Now you’re regretting everything?”

But Jackson didn’t rise to the bait. Instead, he turned to Mark who was watching them amusedly, “Hey, man. Do you think you can get us a couple of bread and spread? We haven’t had breakfast and we’d probably need it for lunch.”

“Sure.” Mark readily agreed, taking the cash from Jackson’s hand but returning some. “Also, you don’t need lunch. Jaebum’s fans are bringing a food truck here later to celebrate the first day of shooting. Anything else?”

Jaebum looked sideways to see Jinyoung clutching his fist.

“Nothing else, thanks man!” Jackson waited until Mark had left the tent and was out of earshot before he slids to the sit beside Jinyoung to hold his hand. “Hey, Jinyoungie. Are you alright?”

But Jinyoung wasn’t, not really.He knew he had issues, he knew he was probably jealous and being mad at Jaebum right now was the product of it. Everything just felt unfair that a struggling actor like him with not enough money has to make do with not eating and ends up having to come in early because of someone’s schedules.

And he, Park Jinyoung, is still literally a nobody.

“Hey, hey.  _ Breathe _ .” Jackson rubs his back in soothing circles. “Jinyoungie. It’ll be fine. Don’t stress it out.”

However, Jinyoung was already clutching his fist too hard that Jackson was pretty sure he’d leave red marks on his own skin. So he reached out and uncurled it, instead intertwining their fingers together so Jinyoung wouldn’t hurt himself.

“You’ll be okay, Jinyoungie.” Jackson repeats, holding his best friend in his arms.

 

Jinyoung was mostly okay by the time Seunghoon comes inside their tent with Youngjae in tow. He apologized that they were late, apparently Youngjae was a really hard person to wake up especially after a night of signing hundreds of albums.

“I’m so sorry, hyung!” Youngjae apologizes, the face a complete look of guilt as he bows 90 degrees. “I was coming today because I have a meeting with the Scriptwriter regarding the OST of the song and I made Jaebum hyung late. Please forgive me!”

To be honest, how could anyone say no to Choi Youngjae? Jinyoung is slowly learning this.

“It’s fine. It’s fine.” Jinyoung gives him a weak smile. “Good luck on the OST, okay?”

Youngjae nodded immediately, jumping to Jinyoung’s arms to cling to him. “Thank you, Jinyoungie hyung!” he hugs him then pauses, as if he suddenly had an after thought. “Let’s take a selca, hyung! Please?” He takes out his phone and how else would Jinyoung be able to say no?

After taking multiple selcas, Jinyoung finally letting go and smiling properly around the fourth one, Youngjae announces he has the  _ perfect  _ picture. But before Jinyoung could question him about what he meant, Mark had arrived with food.

“Thank you so much, hyung!” Youngjae bids him good bye, “I’ll see you later!”

Jinyoung waves back.

 

 

> **_CHAPTER 4: It’s Going to Be Only You_ **
> 
> _ Waking up alone was something Junior doesn’t like. It wasn’t even that he was alone in bed, in the apartment. He was just… alone. In all sense of the word. _
> 
> _ The floor was cold as he sets his foot down, cringing at the feeling but couldn’t do anything since he left his slippers by the door. So he padded through the cold floor, hurrying and hoping this would lessen the pain. He immediately slips on his slippers when he saw them where he left them last, by the door. _
> 
> _ “Now food…” Junior whispers to the air, his voice was low enough but it carried through the small and empty room. Another reminder of his pitiful state. _
> 
> _ Skipping breakfast and going directly to his studio so he could finish the painting he was working on the day before was something Junior usually does. It was a schedule he follows, but it was a schedule he had to abandon. _
> 
> _ “When did I even last made breakfast here?” Junior questions when he finished opening all his cupboards and found not one single food, not even one expired can of beans. He must’ve wiped them all out at one point or another. _
> 
> _ Sighing, he realized he has to leave the safety of his apartment to find food. _
> 
> _ “Out the house it is.” _
> 
> _ Grabbing his warmest and heaviest coat, Junior checked his pocket for his phone, keys and wallet. He actually wanted to check how much money he has, probably not a lot but he didn’t want to feel disheartened too early in the morning. _
> 
> _ Locking his apartment and going down the stairs from the 6th floor was a normal occurrence in his life. It was comforting. Normal. As if Junior didn’t just waste the better half of his year working on an exhibit that wasn’t going to happen. What would Kayee think when he finds out? He shivers, hoping that his best friend doesn’t get to find out. _
> 
> _ The air was cold, it wasn’t something new. It wasn’t Winter, but the Autumn air could probably compare. There were orange leaves scattered on the ground and the sky looks dark, probably a rainshower waiting to happen. Junior probably should’ve brought an umbrella instead of wrapping himself in his too thick coat, but it was too late to go back. _
> 
> _ “Watch we’re you’re going, dumbass!” An old man yells at Junior when he almost bumped to him. Junior bows down in apology even though the old man didn’t even spare him a glance. _
> 
> _ Just as Junior resurfaced and turned around, he bumped into someone again. Startled, he bowed again to mumble a, “I’m so sorry I didn’t--” _
> 
> _ “Don’t bow down to lowly people like them.” Junior’s head snapped up as he sees JB standing there, hands in the pocket of his coat. “These idiots are not worth it, Junior ssi.” _
> 
> _ Junior could only blink, his brain not done processing what had just happened in the past few minutes. “Huh?” he blinked, “I bumped to him, so of course I have to apologize. It’s fine.” _
> 
> _ JB didn’t look like he agreed, but he teared his glare away from the man’s direction to look at Junior properly. “Why are you bundled up like this? Winter is not for another few months.” he reached out and patted the collar of the thick jacket he was wearing. “Where are you off to?” _
> 
> _ Sniffing, for some reason it suddenly became too cold, Junior stepped back a little. “Just going to go… look for food.” He could see the food stand he frequents and wonder how he could get rid of JB. _
> 
> _ “Do you mind if I join you?” JB asks, peering at Junior closely as if this would make him see the answer. _
> 
> _ “Sure.” Junior forces himself to answer, small smile on his lips. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ It wasn’t that Junior didn’t like JB’s presence because he does appreciate the man’s company. Whenever he was with him, he doesn’t feel as alone or as lonely. He makes him feel like he  _ matters  _ even though, truly, Junior doesn’t know JB enough to say. _
> 
> _ But Junior doesn’t really know JB. True he knows the man has an affinity for coats and scarfs, for mittens and snapbacks. True he knows the man likes cats better than dogs. True, true. But Junior doesn’t really know JB at all. _
> 
> _ What was his real name? _
> 
> _ Where does he live? _
> 
> _ Where does he work? _
> 
> _ Junior could tell JB comes from money, if the fact that he has designer clothes doesn’t give it away. But what kind of work does he have? JB always seem to be available 24/7 and appears out of thin air. _
> 
> _ It bothers Junior that this man knows so much about him and yet he knows nothing in return. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ “Are you off somewhere after this?” JB asked as they step out of the warm and cozy restaurant they had just taken their breakfast at. He turned to look at Junior, who was still trying to wear his coat properly. He ends up smiling, Junior doesn’t see. _
> 
> _ “Erm. I don’t know yet, actually.” Junior finally answers, because he really didn’t have any plans. _
> 
> _ JB just nods. “I’ll walk you back to your studio and you can try painting again? I wish I could come and give you company but I have a meeting.” he looks at his watch, “I still have time. Come on.” _
> 
> _ Painting was the last thing in Junior’s plans but he nods and agrees, not in the mood to fight JB on this.  _
> 
> _ They walk under the dark sky, Junior with his hands in his pockets and JB with his hands on the small of Junior’s back. The walk was slow, the studio being a short walk away from Junior’s apartment, and ended before either of them noticed. _
> 
> _ “I’ll see you later, alright?” JB looks at his watch again then gives Junior a smile. “Paint something beautiful for me.” _
> 
> _ Junior doesn’t answer, didn’t need to because Jaebum was already turning around and crossing the street to who knows where. Junior turns around to look at the stairs that would lead him to his studio then at the cold street of Seoul. Immediately, he tightens his coat and walks back to the street, going the opposite way that JB had gone. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ Walking aimlessly was something Junior never had the chance to do for the past months due to trying to finish his artwork. Then JB had made sure Junior didn’t walk alone for the past week, always there to come with him whenever. So this was a first, the silence around him a comfort. _
> 
> You’re useless.
> 
> _ Also a curse. _

 

“Hey, are you sure you don’t want to sleep?” Jinyoung looks up to see Jackson peering at him. His manager places a cup of coffee on the table in front of him. “They gave you an hour of break so you could rest before you start to shoot with Jaebum.”

Jinyoung smiles and takes a sip of his coffee, glad that Jackson knows exactly how he likes it. “If I sleep right now, you’ll have to deal with waking me up and trying to get me to hurry up later.” he points out and sees the cringe from the other boy. “What are they shooting right now?”

It was 1:34PM and Bambam had Jinyoung get some rest while they concentrate on Jaebum’s scenes. There weren’t a lot of solo scenes, seeing as the movie centers on Jinyoung’s character, but the man still had some solo shots.

“Beats me.” Jackson answers, plopping down on the chair in front of Jinyoung. “Although I think they’re mostly filler shots. I’m not really good with these kind of things.”

“Most probably filler shots. JB’s character doesn’t get a solo scene or storyline until chapter 5 and so far, Bambam has only made us work on chapters until 4 and so far, they’re sticking to the storyline,” Jinyoung shows Jackson the chapter he was wearing. “I’m re-reading scenes 8 and 9 for later.”

“Actually, you’ll have to shoot scene 2 first because there’s a broadcast that it will rain later.” Jackson said, as if only remembering this. “I can’t believe I forgot to say this! This was the reason Bambam sent me off here.”

It wasn’t the first time Jackson forgot something so Jinyoung doesn’t dwell on it. Much.

“What time is this?” Jinyoung asked, grabbing his phone to check the weather. When he opens the screen, he sees he has many notifications via Instagram and Twitter, but he swipes them away in favor of checking the weather. “It’s supposed to rain by 6PM. That’s 5 hours away from now.”

Jackson shrugs. “I have no idea what they’re planning.” Jinyoung sends him a glare and this has Jackson groaning and standing up to drag himself to the door. “Fine, fine. I’ll go check on them. Your PA should be doing this, you know.”

“Mark hyung was called in by Bambam to help with the setup of the studio for tomorrow’s shoot.” Jinyoung reminds him.

“I know, I know. I’m not stupid.” He sniffs and then leaves the tent.

Jinyoung shakes his head then goes back to his phone, wondering why there were suddenly a lot of notifications on two of his social media accounts when he doesn’t even use them. Frowning, he clicks on Twitter first and goes straight to notification.

> **i love twojae** and  **12,524** people follow you.

Squinting, he doesn’t see any comments, but just follows so he closes that. From a hundred of followers (mostly his parents, his sisters and their friends), his follower went up to thousands in just one day.

Jinyoung opens Instagram next and sees that he has thousands of new followers too. But here he finds out where all these people came from and why they were here.

> **2jae_cyj** watching jaebum hyung’s shoot with @pepi_jr! 

Then attached was the photo he took with Youngjae earlier. The boy was nice enough to choose the photo that Jinyoung didn’t look like he hated the world. Basically, the one where he was smiling. Scrolling down to the comments, he sees tons of fans praising Youngjae’s good looks and calling him cute.

But.

There were some, he saw, that were praising  _ him  _ for his good looks.

Jinyoung was too stunned that he didn’t hear Jackson entering the tent and then looking at him weirdly.

“Hey, Jinyoung? Are you alright?” Jackson waves a hand in front of Jinyoung’s face, finally catching his attention. But all Jinyoung did was to hand over his phone to him wordlessly. It took, maybe, a few seconds before Jackson started laughing.

This finally had Jinyoung looking up at him with a pout. “Why are you laughing at me, idiot?” he demanded, grabbing his phone from Jackson’s hands to follow Youngjae and like the photo. He contemplates leaving a comment.

“Wow, you gotta thank Youngjae for the free promo!” Jackson laughs again, finally sitting down. “How are the comments?”

Jinyoung grunts, typing in a _thank you youngjae_ but felt like it was too boring so he tries to think of something else. “Uh, they’re fine?” he glares at his phone as he types in a _it was nice to see you >< come buy more often!_ Then he pressed send before he can change his mind.

“Send Youngjae a basket of flowers or something.” Jackson looked thoughtful. “How about you get a photo with him and post it in your account? You’d get more followers that way.’

Jinyoung watched how a lot of fans ended up commenting after he sent in his, screaming at how cute he was and how nice it was he gets along with Youngjae. He feels nervous all of a sudden so he closes his phone and looks at Jackson.

“What was the shooting schedule again?” Jinyoung asks, hoping he won’t have to discuss with Jackson about promotional tactics. He doesn’t really want to be known by the public because he was friends with idols (even if he’s working with one right now).

Jackson looked startled again, as if he forgot what he came for. “Stop distracting me!” Jinyoung resisted the urge to snort at him. “Anyway, Dahyunnie will come here in a few to hand over the outfit change for scene 8. You’ll shoot it around 2:30PM with hopefully enough time to change and prepare before it rains.”

Jinyoung raised an eyebrow, already computing how little time they have between 2:30PM and the rain at 6PM. If they don’t finish in time, they would have to continue shooting tomorrow. But he shrugs it off, it’ll be the Cinematographer’s job to make sure of these things anyway.

“Whatever. I’ll be back in a few. Dahyun will probably come swing by with the clothes in 30 minutes or so then Jimin with the make-up.” Jackson raised his phone, “If you need me, just call me or something.”

Jinyoung didn’t even say anything, turning the book to where he last read and letting Jackson leave the tent in peace.

 

Dahyun came in at exactly 2PM with the outfit for scene 8. “Oppa, please change into these! Also I’ll have to take that outfit back because we need it for tomorrow.” she hands over the clothes. “Call me when you’re done changing? I’ll be outside.”

“I will.” Jinyoung smiles at her as she bows and leaves the tent, Jinyoung immediately following to lock it. He knew Dahyun wouldn’t enter, but who knew what Jackson might do even if his manager said he’d be leaving for a while.

Changing clothes didn’t take long, it wasn’t much. Jinyoung was opening the tent after 10 minutes with his previous clothes neatly hung on the hanger Dahyun provided. She smiled at him and went in to fix the clothes on him, flattening the collar or dusting the coat. She checked the shoes that went along with it, making sure that they were tied to perfection then takes a photo of him.

“So we have a basis of what you look like.” Dahyun tells him even if he didn’t ask. “Jimin unnie is coming here. She just finished doing Jaebum oppa’s makeup.” Waving good bye, she reminded him, “Don’t mess up your clothes, Jinyoung oppa!”

Jinyoung didn’t even have a minute alone before Jimin comes inside with a bag of makeup he was acquainted with earlier.

“Time for make-up, oppa!” Jimin announces, lugging the make-up bag and placing it on the floor. “Now sit down on the table, oppa. Time to fix you up!”

Jinyoung sighs and does as he’s told.

 

Shooting takes up most of Jinyoung’s energy and it has only been a day. They had to stop shooting at 10PM because the rain stopped. Bambam ordered them to get dried and get some sleep, because they would have to shoot early in the morning for scene 4.

“Wake me up on time, okay?” Jinyoung asks Jackson as he slips in under his bed. The whole team rented a huge house and the two of them were tasked to stay in the same one. Luckily, theirs has two bed.

“I promise I’ll wake you up. Now sleep.” Jackson turns off the lights and waited for Jinyoung to cuddle in before he, too, closes his eyes and goes to sleep.

It was going to be a long weekend.

 

“Good morning, everyone!” Jinyoung greets the whole team as he comes into the field. They would be shooting the scene of him jumping off the roof today. They have to do it early because Jaebum has a schedule this afternoon and has to leave early.

“Good morning!” Everyone mumbled out, but they were too busy to actually pay him any attention.

Jinyoung bowed to the few he crossed with and then went directly to the food table where there weren’t a lot of food, but there was a coffee machine so he immediately got around to making a cup for himself. Immersed in making sure he doesn’t overdose on cream, he doesn’t notice when someone had come to stand beside him so when he finished and turned around, he ended up almost spilling the contents on the man.

“Oh my--” Jinyoung was lucky nothing spilled. A miracle. “Script Writer Jae ssi!”

If Jae was bothered that Jinyoung’s cup would’ve been one with his shirt, he didn’t show it. Instead he looked at Jinyoung seriously, the script bundled up under his arm. It makes Jinyoung feel awkward.

“Erm?” Jinyoung cleared his throat, trying hard not to squirm at the intensity of Jae looking like he was judging him. “Is there anything you needed, Jae ssi?”

“Call me hyung.” Jae only said, still peering at him curiously.

“Okay… Jae hyung? Did you need anything?” Jinyoung repeats.

Jae shrugged, “He was right. You are pretty.”

Jinyoung blinked. “What? Pretty? Me? He? Huh?” Now he was totally confused.

“Anyway!” Jae gestured to the nearly empty food table prepared for the whole staff. “Don’t worry about the food. 2JAE’s food truck project is coming in a few. It was supposed to arrive yesterday, but there were complications with the schedule.”

_ I don’t care _ , Jinyoung wanted to say. But he knew it wasn’t fair and it was also impolite, bordering mean. So he just nodded slowly while taking a sip of his coffee (too bland, he should’ve added one more creamer), hoping Jae would take this hint and maybe go away.

“I actually came here to ask you something.” Jae waved the script in front of Jinyoung. “I saw you reading the book during the Script Reading. Did you only read it when you got the part or before?”

“Before.” Jinyoung almost sniffed in defense, but managed to catch himself. “My manager actually took this role without telling me, he thought it would be a surprise seeing as  _ Definite Soul  _ was one of my favorite books.”

It looked like Jae was about to say something else, probably drill Jinyoung on the plot or just ask something else. Luckily, Yugyeom arrived as if he just ran a marathon with his panting and sweaty forehead.

“The food truck is here!” Yugyeom announced and everyone looked at him. “Where is Jaebum hyung? He said he’ll get down already!”

Bambam, from where he was talking to Junhyeok and Sungjing ( _ again _ ), looked thoughtful for a moment before slapping his forehead as if he remembered something. “Jaebum hyung said he’ll be waking Youngjae up!” as if this was an explanation.

It seemed to be, because Yugyeom groaned as if understanding everything. “I’ll go call on  _ both  _ of them now. The food truck is already being set up outside. Can someone please check on it?”

“I will!” Jae raised his hand then grabbed Jinyoung’s to raise it, too. “We’ll both check on it. Are there some fans out there?”

Yugyeom nodded, looking relieved. “Entertain them while I get their idols, okay? Thanks, Jae hyung!” Then he dashed off to the direction of the house, taking out his phone as well and presumably dialling Jaebum’s number.

When Yugyeom was gone, Jinyoung turned to Jae in confusion. “Uh. Why me?” he asked, blinking.

Jae looked at him weirdly as if he doesn’t understand why Jinyoung would even ask this. “You need to meet your future rivals for Jaebum’s heart.” he finally answers, sounding tired.

“Excuse me?  _ Rivals _ ?” Jinyoung has finally come to the conclusion that their Script Writer is probably partially crazy.

Jae didn’t even deem him an answer, instead grabbing his arms and dragging him towards the parking lot where the food truck would probably be. For someone with Jae’s frame, he was surprisingly strong and Jinyoung didn’t have any choice.

“Hyung, seriously--why--” Jinyoung spluttered, but Jae’s hand immediately came to his mouth, covering it. Who knew Script Writers could be dangerous?

“Jinyoung, this movie needs to do well and one of the ways to do that is to market it properly. If Jaebum’s fans sees you being nice to their idol, they would most likely support the movie. We both know how homophobic this country is, so we have to pull everything we can.” Jae released his palm on his mouth, “Are we clear?”

Jinyoung could only nod, as if he had any choice on this matter anyway.

“Now, put on your best smile!” Jae announces, opening the door to the parking lot.

 

Entertaining the fans didn’t take much effort or a lot of time. Jae came out and introduced Jinyoung. Some people cheered, the others looked at him weirdly. As if he took the last candy in the basket.

Jinyoung had photos taken with a lot of fans, thanking them with a handshake. He didn’t need to do it a long time because soon Youngjae and Jaebum arrived, causing all the girls to squeal and start taking photos of  _ them _ .

“Okay, you’re safe.” Jae slung an arm at his shoulders as they both watched Youngjae and Jaebum entertain the fans, posing or shaking their hands. They thanked them a lot and promoted the movie, telling them to anticipate it.

Jinyoung thought he was safe, wait for the fans to finally leave so everyone can get to shooting. But he was wrong.

“Jaebum oppa! Can we have a photo of you and Jinyoung oppa together? Please?” A girl with a huge camera requested, she was one of those who took a lot of photos of him earlier.

Jaebum looked directly at Jinyoung, tilting his head at him. “How about one shot,  _ Jinyoungie _ ?”

The girls squealed at the endearment.

Jinyoung wanted to smash his head on the wall as he forced a small smile on his lips. “Sure, Jaebum hyung!” he said as eagerly as he could, pushing himself away from Jae and towards the front with Jaebum.

“Good morning, Jinyoung hyung!” Youngjae greeted, giving him a quick hug before letting him go to stay on the side. He was watching him and Jaebum with twinkle in his eyes and it makes Jinyoung question everything.

“So?” Jinyoung looked at Jaebum, who was almost the same height as him.

Jaebum smirks at him, that infuriating smirk that has more than half of the fans in front of them squealing. He swung his arm around Jinyoung’s shoulders, like how Jae did earlier. “Smile for the camera,  _ Jinyoungie _ .”

Jinyoung snorts, as if he couldn’t believe what Jaebum just did. So he plays along with it, turning to give a smile to the cameras in front of him. He even put on his brightest smile, the one where the corners of his eyes crinkle.

“YOU LOOK SO GOOD TOGETHER, OPPA!”

“JINYOUNG OPPA, YOU’RE HANDSOME!”

Jinyoung smiles even brighter, but then blinks when he feels Jaebum placing his chin on Jinyoung’s shoulders. He hears more screaming and flashes of their camera, but all he could feel is the way his heart thundered in his chest.

 

> **choi youngae** @2jae_cyj 10m   
>  thank you to everyone that came to jaebum hyung’s shooting earlier!
> 
> **choi youngae** @2jae_cyj 9m   
>  please support @pepi_jr and jaebum hyung’s movie ♥
> 
> **CLM** and 24,612 followed you.

 

They just finished shooting the scene where Jaebum calls Jinyoung and they go for a walk. Like usual, they save all of Jinyoung’s solo shots for tomorrow because Jaebum will be leaving later today and tomorrow. Schedule outside the country, they said.

“They have a fanmeeting.” Dahyun tells him when he asked why they’re rushing everything today. “Won’t be back till Sunday night.”

“Oh.” Jinyoung tries hard not to feel mad that they’re doing everything to work with Jaebum’s schedule.

“Chin up, oppa.” Jimin said, applying powder on his face. “Jaebum oppa said he’ll be freeing the next two weeks so we can shoot the scenes centering him. And you, really.”

“Don’t miss Jaebum oppa too much.” Dahyun giggles.

“I’m sure he’d buy you souveniers if you tell him!” Jimin agrees, giggling as well.

Jinyoung refrains from complaining after that.

 

But he was probably too late. Girls should never be trusted.

They were going to take an hour of break to set up Junior’s studio, just polishing and fixing the lighting. Bambam assured him it wouldn’t take longer, so he should go get changed again. In suits, which was weird because Junior was definitely not wearing a suit in the book during this scene.

When he pointed this out to Jae, the other man just sighed.

“It’s easier.” Jae explains, “To point out in the movie that the scene with Junior getting the call and the scene where jumps down the building is the same day. It’s easier that way.”

Jinyoung frowns and that probably signified he didn’t understand well because Jae sighed.

“I’m sorry. It’s okay.” Jinyoung shook his head, “You don’t have to explain anymore.”

Jae looked like he wanted to say something more, but someone tapped Jinyoung’s shoulders and he turned around to check who it was.

“Going to miss me?” Jaebum asked, smirking. Jinyoung could see Jimin and Dahyun laughing from behind them.

Yup, Jinyoung hates girls.

“Whatever those two said, don’t believe them.” Jinyoung immediately said, turning a glare at the two girls that ended up with them in full blown laughter. “Also, I’m not going to miss you. Why would I?”

But Jaebum just grins. “I’ll bring you back some souvenirs. Even better, I’ll bring you back dried mangoes. How does that sound? Mhm?”

“Buy us some dried mangoes, too!” Jimin calls from the side.

Jinyoung gestures to the two girls. “Buy souvenirs for those who wants them, Jaebum ssi.”

“I was Jaebum  _ hyung  _ earlier.”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. “And now you’re Jaebum  _ ssi  _ again.”

With that, Jinyoung waves a goodbye at him before walking past him and to the direction of his tent. Mark follows beside him eagerly.

 

“Heard you had a cat fight with Jaebum hyung earlier.” Jackson remarks as he sits down in front of Jinyoung.

“Stop listening to Dahyun and Jimin.” Jinyoung immediately answers, looking at his manager with disappointment. “You weren’t there to listen to my complaints. What kind of friend are you?”

Jackson just rolls his eyes, standing up and going over to the couch to plop himself down.

 

Dahyun and Jimin arrived with his suit just a few minutes after. They fussed around with his hair and kept on flattening the lapels of his jacket.

“Will you  _ please  _ stop moving around?” Jinyoung complains when Dahyun reaches over for the 15th time to fix his tie. “I think I’m developing a headache.”

“I can get you aspirin? We always stock up on pain relievers!” Mark pipes up almost immediately and didn’t even wait before he’s out the tent and presumably to get the medicine he boasted about.

“You need to look good.” Jimin just said, no explanation whatsoever.

After thirty minutes more of fussing, Dahyun took a photo of his full body attire to have a basis. Mark arrived with the aspirin and a glass of water just as Dahyun and Jimin leaves the tent.

“Can this day just end, please?” Jinyoung whines.

Jackson ignores him. Mark was busy with his phone.

 

Jaebum loves singing, loves being on stage for everyone to watch as he showcases his talent. Jaebum loves the warmth that blossoms in his chest and the way his clothes feels like second skin. Im Jaebum lives for performing on stage.

“Is there anything you did to prepare yourself for this role, Jaebum ssi?”

But it doesn’t mean Jaebum doesn’t love acting just as much.

 

A last minute interview for the movie and then the flight to the country 2JAE will be holding a fanmeeting at. They would be arriving late at night due to the delay in schedule and then would have to wake up early to see the stage and practice their spotting. A little while later, they would have to change for the press conference, another interview and then back to rehearsal.

“Do you have a script to memorize, hyung?” Youngjae whispered when he saw Jaebum taking out bunches of paper from his carry on and wasn’t preparing to doze off like he was.

“I have shooting after we get back.” Jaebum just answers, flipping the page to study his lines. He’d have more now, due to them shooting majority of his scenes. He’d have two weeks free for the shoot, but after that 2JAE has to attend different concerts and would be gone during the night.

“Don’t want to slack off, huh hyung?” Youngjae teases, snuggling deeper in the seat. “What would Jinyoung hyung think, right?”

“He’d be so offended.” Jaebum could already imagine, so he shakes his head before he ends up in dangerous territory. “Go get some sleep, Youngjae-ah.”

Youngjae just smiles at him. “Okay hyung.”

Jaebum turns back to his script.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written with [Night Changes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syFZfO_wfMQ) and [Without You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFTKJefr3AA) as my background music.

Being busy was something Jaebum has become ever since he debuted. He thrives on it, loves it but only because it means they’re doing something. It means they’re becoming someone, making a name for themselves.

“Too tired?” Jaebum asked the moment the door of the van closed and Youngjae collapsed on the seat. He reached out and felt the boy’s forehead, hissing when he realized the other was burning a fever.

“Is he alright?” Their manager calls from the front, sitting on shotgun instead of driving because they were in a foreign country.

Jaebum was already looking through his bag for the emergency pills he always brings. When he finds it, he digs inside Youngjae’s bag for the bottle of water and grabs it immediately to open it. After uncapping the bottle, he helps Youngjae take a sip to cool himself at least.

“Have you eaten?” Jaebum asked then cursed when Youngjae shook his head. “Hyung, can we get anything on the way? A burger or anything?”

“Burger!” Youngjae immediately whined when he heard the word and Jaebum had to stop the smile that was spreading on his lips. “Get me cheese burger hyung~”

Jaebum shook his head and saw that their manager was hiding a smile as well. “Can we pass by the nearest McDonald’s, hyung? We need to get a burger and maybe, fries. If Youngjae is good enough.”

“I’m always good enough!” Youngjae slurred, but it was obvious he was drifting off to sleep.

Jaebum just patted his head and looked out for the nearest McDonald’s, immediately pointing it out when he saw one and the driver made the turn to enter the drive thru. They got four burgers, one for each of them because it looks like they won’t be able to eat anytime soon, and three huge french fries to share.

Youngjae looked groggy but he was eating his food like he was told and that was enough for Jaebum. With greasy fingers, he snatches as much fries as he could as he thinks of another few hours of sitting through a press con. He wonders if Youngjae will be well enough for the performance tonight.

“Don’t worry about me too much, hyung.” Youngjae tells him, as if the boy had read his mind. “We’ll be fine.”

Jaebum smiles and would’ve ruffled Youngjae’s hair, but his greasy fingers stopped him. Their hair stylist would kill him if he ruins the other boy’s well-styled hair.

“Just pick up my slack, instead.” Youngjae winks and then laughs, a clear sign he would be okay.

“You’re feeling better already.” Jaebum warns, “I can put you into a headlock soon.”

“Don’t be mean, hyuuung.” Youngjae whined again.

 

They get through the press conference, the need for a translator making it last twice than it should. Youngjae tried to look as cheerful as possible, but Jaebum knew their fans would pick up on it.

Soon enough they were back in the van on their way to the fanmeeting venue, it wouldn’t take a long time, just a few minutes tops. Jaebum was mentally calculating how long he could make Youngjae rest before they have to do the stage rehearsal again and some sound checks.

“You have two hours of freedom.” Seunghoon hyung pipes up from the front, knowing exactly what was making Jaebum look worried. “Make Youngjae sleep in the changing room, they have a bed there last I recall. And you, you can either sleep too or you can do that shopping you’ve been talking about.”

Shopping. Jaebum smiles to himself.

“Just don’t get mobbed, you’ll be fine. If you are, though, call me immediately.” Seunghoon reminds him. “Most of the fans are already in line for the fanmeeting so not a lot would be out and walking about. Still, be careful.”

“Yes, hyung.” Jaebum nodded, looking out the window and wondering what kind of souvenir would best fit Park Jinyoung.

 

After tucking Youngjae to bed, Jaebum immediately wore his jacket, snapback and mask. He checked his pocket for his cellphone and then the cash they exchanged last night but just in case, he brought his card too.

The department store wasn’t a long walk away and he blended well with the numerous people walking back and forth inside the mall. He immediately went for the shop that sold products from the country, ignoring all the famous International brands he could visit in Seoul anyway.

Then, Jaebum set out to find the perfect gift for his co-star.

 

An hour after, Jaebum walks out with bags of gifts for his family and friends. Also for Park Jinyoung.

Jaebum wonders if Jinyoung would like it.

 

 

> **_CHAPTER 5: What If_ **
> 
> _ It would have happened, one way or another. JB knew it would have happened. _
> 
> _ “Boss, we got a call from SS.” One of his henchmen came inside his office with a phone in hand. It would usually be his right hand man Taeyong coming inside to give him news, but as he sent the man on the other side of the world for a task, he knew he should be used to someone else barging inside. Still. _
> 
> _ JB’s glare would’ve scared anyone off and it did make the other man’s knees buckle, but he knew his Boss wouldn’t really hurt him unless he was on a mood. Plus, he has a reason. _
> 
> _ “What did they want?” JB demanded, swiftly walking from where he stood by the window to where the henchman was standing.nervously. “And what did I tell you about knocking on the door before coming in?” _
> 
> _ The man immediately bowed deeply and missed the amused smirk on JB’s lips. “I’m so sorry, Boss!” he only looked up when JB tapped his foot on the floor, the signal that he’s forgiven… or as forgiven as anyone in their line of work can be. _
> 
> _ “So?” JB looked at him expectantly, leaning over the wall and folding his arms on his chest. “What did they need this time?” _
> 
> _ “There are Japanese yakuzas coming in next week for a meeting with them. They’re calling for a one day alliance to make sure that the Japanese yakuzas are just here for the meeting and not to take over.” He explains, handing over the phone. “They said they’ll call in a few minutes again.” _
> 
> _ JB takes the phone and walks back to his desk, signaling the man to leave the room and the door closes to a click. He sits on his chair and turns around to look over the building. For a mafia group, they own an office at the 24th floor of a huge building. The owner gave it to them as an offer to spare him his life when they took over the Seoul District. _
> 
> _ Partnership with SS would mean they’d owe him one and they could use it to their advantage in another power struggle sometime soon. There’s bound to be a group that feels like they can handle more and try to take another territory. He could also make sure the Japanese yakuzas stay on the line. _
> 
> _ But he could also risk his team, if this was a trap. _
> 
> _ In the mafia, there was no  _ partnership _. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ In between ironing out details for the alliance with SS for the meeting and planning back-up plans with his team, JB hasn’t been able to come out much. He knew he told Junior about this and the man told him he doesn’t really care, but they both know he was lying. _
> 
> _ After two days, JB finally has free time before they head over to Busan in four days. He doesn’t want to go, doesn’t want to leave Seoul, but he  _ was  _ the leader of Seoul’s most feared mafia. So he decided that while his whole team are training and packing for the trip, he’d enjoy two days with Junior. _
> 
> _ JB has it all planned. He would take Junior to an overnight cruise in Han River. He had it booked under a different name, not wanting to tip off anyone. He also made sure that the crew on the ship  _ knows  _ to keep quiet or  _ else _. _
> 
> _ It was perfect, his plan was perfect. _
> 
> _ Except, he forgot to put one variable into consideration. _
> 
> _ The call came in just in time for JB to leave his house. He was just picking up his stashed gun when his phone rang and the number on the screen flashed a name he didn’t understand why he’d be hearing from him. _
> 
> _ “Hey, hyung? What’s up--Junior Park?” JB’s heartbeat plummeted the moment he heard the name. “Yes, I know a Junior Park.” _
> 
> _ Silence. _
> 
> _ “I’ll be there in ten minutes. Please tell them to let me in and don’t let anyone in besides me,” JB snapped then pocketed his phone, hissing as he hurriedly grabbed his gun and his car keys. The hospital was a good 15 minutes drive away, but a driving ticket was not something he worries about. _
> 
> _ Running to his garage, he opened the door to his red sports car and got in. The garage door opened, bless his housekeeper, and he was out in the roads in less than a few seconds. He probably broke more than a few traffic rules on the way, but those were nothing compared to the worst he’s done so he wasn’t worried. _
> 
> _ Parking at the very back, JB rode the employee freight elevator. It was empty and he got off at the 6th floor, seeing the room 612 immediately. The door opened and he was surprised to see his hyung there. _
> 
> _ “What--” JB looked around the empty hallway, but he shook his head. “I’ll come to your office in a few.” _
> 
> _ His hyung let him inside, closing the door with a click. _
> 
> _ JB stood there, by the door and for the first time in  _ years _ , he felt weak and useless. Because right in front of him, on the bed lay Junior Park. There was an oxygen tank beside him and the mask on the man’s pale face. The bandage on his wrist looked fresh. _
> 
> _ “Junior ssi…” JB walked slowly to the man’s side, taking the seat on the stool beside him. The man was asleep, probably dozed on medicine so he wouldn’t attempt anything. Slowly, JB reached out and held Junior’s hand. _
> 
> _ It was cold and lifeless, just dangling on his hold. _
> 
> _ JB had never felt like this before. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ His hyung came back in 30 minutes, telling JB to come see him in his office. He assured him that Junior would be taken care of by the staff that were under him, so not to worry. It was about Junior’s condition, he said. That’s what finally dragged JB away from Junior’s still sleeping form. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ “What exactly happened, hyung?” JB asked the moment they were locked inside his hyung’s office. He knew it was safe, his hyung was someone he trust and probably one of the few people he knew wouldn’t betray him. _
> 
> _ “We received a call from a stranger, she didn’t give her name. Apparently Mr. Park collapsed on the street and wouldn’t wake up no matter what she did.” He explained, sitting properly and facing JB. “Please sit.” _
> 
> _ JB sat and waited, not saying anything. _
> 
> _ “He was brought here by ambulance and we checked his wallet for a name. Then we checked his phone to see who we can call… and I found your name on it. As the last person he called.” His hyung handed him Junior’s phone, “He has a lot of unsent messages to you and that’s why I thought it probably would be better to call you.” _
> 
> _ JB wanted to look through them now. What could these messages be that his hyung would end up calling him? But he suppresses his curiosity, instead focusing on the issue. He clutched the phone. “How is he? Will he survive?” he asked. _
> 
> _ “He will. We’re going to give him nutrients until he’s well enough to eat proper food. He hasn’t eaten for the past few days, or drank water it seems. He also hasn’t been sleeping well for the past few weeks or so.” His hyung handed him a piece of paper. “He has cuts on his arms, did you know?” _
> 
> _ JB swallowed hard. “He… he tried to kill himself before. Jump off a building. I saved him.” _
> 
> _ His hyung shook his head. “He has cuts, his wrist and his arms were covered in cuts. He fainted from the lack of blood. Does he live alone?” _
> 
> _ JB could feel his own blood run cold. “Yeah, he does.” _
> 
> _ “It was lucky he fainted outside his house,” his hyung leaned back. “If he fainted inside his house and he was alone, he would be dead by now.” _
> 
> _ There were no tears in JB’s eyes. He swears. _
> 
> _ But his heart does feel like it broke. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ Junior was still asleep when JB snuck inside his room two hours after his conversation with his hyung. They had to discuss what would happen to Junior, what have to do to Junior. JB had never experienced a more painful conversation than that one. _
> 
> _ Not even when they were discussing how they would blow up that bank filled with employees or to bring out the staff first. JB could say he has lost his conscience long ago. Or he could claim Junior was just special. _
> 
> _ However, he knew that _

 

Jackson opens the door of Jinyoung’s room, ready to yell at his best friend for still being up at 1:24AM just because he has no shoot in the morning. However, when he opens it, he see Jinyoung asleep on his bed with his book on his lap.

“Such a kid.” Jackson tsk-ed, walking towards him to close the book, not forgetting to bookmark the page it was open to. Then he placed it on the nightstand before walking back the door to turn off the lights. “Good night, Jinyoungie.” Then he closed the door.

 

Jinyoung wakes up with the memory of JB kissing Junior’s forehead. It was his favorite part of chapter 5, when JB had to leave because of the deal with SS to back them up during the meeting with the yakuzas. He had to go and he wanted to tell Junior he was there, but the boy was still drugged.

Jinyoung could easily imagine the way JB was wearing his signature long black coat, his slacks and his white long sleeves. He could easily imagine the way JB would’ve brushed away the hair on Junior’s forehead before leaning over to press a small kiss.

Morning imaginations were postponed when Jackson yelled from the kitchen, “Jinyoung! I know you’re up! Help me with breakfast!” 

“I’m up!” Jinyoung answers back, slowly peeling himself off of his bed. He wanted to just dive back inside and maybe sleep some more, but he should probably get up and start memorizing his lines.

They weren’t a lot, they would be filming the scenes focusing on JB’s history. Therefore, Jaebum would have more parts with Junior being on the hospital bed most of the time.

Jinyoung blinked. Actually, not  _ most  _ of the time, the script changed some scenes which means they were going to shoot the part of Junior starving himself and almost killing himself because he thought JB didn’t care.

“PARK JINYOUNG!” Jackson bellowed again.

Not really up for their neighbour complaining about Jackson screaming, Jinyoung finally steps down his bed to wash up.

 

Two hours later, their empty plates were on the coffee table in front of the television. It wasn’t on, but Jinyoung was reading through his script while Jackson was on his laptop. His manager claims he was working, but he could see the man’s Twitter opened.

They worked in silence for a while, Jackson with typing in rapid bouts in his laptop while Jinyoung was just mouthing the words. The whole morning passed like that, quiet and peaceful.

Peace was only broken when lunch time came rolling.

“HOLY SHIT!” Jackson suddenly exclaimed, snapping Jinyoung out of his internal characterization. “HOLY SHIT, JINYOUNG! HOLY SHIT!”

“Would you please shut up?” Jinyoung takes a deep breath, trying not to loose the build up he was working on earlier. “I was trying to internalize Junior’s feelings.”

Jackson had at least looked apologetic. But apparently not apologetic enough, because he was soon shoving his laptop screen on Jinyoung’s face. “LOOK! LOOK! LOOK AT IT!”

Jinyoung pushed him away, holding his laptop on his lap. He looked at the screen, eyebrows furrowing as he titls his head. Jackson  _ was  _ on Twitter and was apparently looking at airport previews of 2JAE because his timeline was filled with different shots of Jaebum and Youngjae walking in Gimpo Airport.

“What about this? So they’re back?” Jinyoung asked, returning the laptop but Jackson pushed it back to him. “What?”

Jackson sighs, as if he can’t believe he’s having this conversation with some as stupid as Jinyoung. In Jinyoung’s defense, he doesn’t even pay attention to things like this since he hasn’t left the country and no one even cares what he wears.

“Look at that paper bag he was holding!” Jackson points out the photo, even clicking on it.

So Jinyoung looked. But he doesn’t see anything special so he looked up at Jackson again.

“You are such an idiot sometimes.” Jackson zooms in on the photo and shows Jinyoung the finished product. “It’s for you. It literally says  _ for Park Jinyoung  _ in the tag. Im Jaebum bought you a gift!”

“So?” Jinyoung slid the laptop away from him and on the couch, picking up his script again. “Talk to me when it’s actually  _ something  _ important. Now will you let me practice,  _ manager _ ?” He said it so sarcastically that Jackson only huffed at him.

But as Jinyoung goes back to his script, he can’t help feeling annoyed. So Jaebum bought him a gift like he said he would?  _ So _ ? Why did it have to be a huge thing?

Shaking all thoughts from his head, he goes back to channeling Junior’s characters. He needs to understand the pain and suffering. He needs to understand why Junior chose to do what he did, to understand why he thought what he thought.

Jinyoung needs to be Junior Park.

 

Since Junior’s next parts doesn’t involve anyone, except for the street scene, he could practice by himself. Jackson was pushed to the couch with the script on hand and the direction to watch Jinyoung’s lines carefully and tell him if does anything not instructed.

The whole afternoon was spent perfecting the way Junior would act. He had to make sure he was on his best. This was an important part, even though they were still at the start of the story.

 

“Can we stop practicing now?” Jackson finally asked at 8:35PM and they haven’t eaten dinner nor taken a break to get some snacks. He didn’t do much, but his head was swimming with the words from the script after staring at it for 6 straight hours.

Jinyoung looked like he didn’t want to say yes, but he too looked dead beat. They have to travel to the place tomorrow morning, too. So he finally nods a yes and plops down on the couch.

“Want to order dinner?” Jackson asks, already picking up his phone. “Chicken or pizza?”

“Chicken, please.” Jinyoung raised his head and frowned, “Do we even have money for chicken? We can always just get ramen from the grocery downstairs?”

This seemed to make Jackson think, probably weighing the pros and cons of spending or saving up. But he didn’t answer, instead called their favorite chicken restaurant and asked for a box of honey dipped chicken.

“I’m paying, don’t worry.” Jackson punches him lightly. “Now go and cook rice so we won’t be too hungry.”

“Sure.” Jinyoung swallows hard, tries not to feel too bad. He stands up and heads on over to the kitchen, promising he’d make the damnest best rice Jackson would ever have tasted.

It was the least he could do for his best friend and manager.

 

 

> **_CHAPTER 6: Show Me the Light_ **
> 
> _ The whole world is too bright. _
> 
> _ Too bright. _
> 
> _ Hurts. _
> 
> _ Bright. _
> 
> _ Junior tried to reach out, wondering if he left his lights on again. He probably should stop doing that, his bill is getting too high and he doesn’t have money to pay for it. And money, Junior should really get out and apply for a job. Any job, as long as it pays. _
> 
> _ But when Junior reached out, he couldn’t even move his hand. It felt heavy and sluggish. Now that he noticed this, he can’t help but notice how his whole body feels stiff and how his neck feels like it’s breaking. He can’t help but notice how the bed is too firm, how the blanket around him is too thick. He can’t help but notice how his clothes feel too thin and the air around him too warm. _
> 
> _ Junior wasn’t at home. _
> 
> _ The moment this thought sinks in, he opened his eyes. Everywhere looked white and his eyes felt heavy, squinting there was only one place in the world he could be in. _
> 
> _ Hospital. _
> 
> _ As if a movie being played out, the flashback of the past few days suddenly flashed in front of him. _
> 
> _ Starvation. _
> 
> _ Pain. _
> 
> _ Staying up all night. _
> 
> _ Cuts on his wrist. _
> 
> _ Loneliness. _
> 
> _ JB wouldn’t answer his call. _
> 
> _ More cuts. _
> 
> _ Blood. So much blood. _
> 
> _ Then the world tilted around him and the next thing he knows, everything was black. _

 

“Jinyoung can you  _ please  _ stop crying?” Jackson whined, kicking the side of Jinyoung’s feet. “I’m trying to concentrate here, can’t you see?”

Jinyoung sniffed, wiping the tears off of eyes. “I can’t help it, okay?”

“You’ve read the book  _ before _ . You’ve also cried  _ before _ .” Jackson points out, but only got hit with the book. “Is this one of those internalizing your character thing? Because if you want, you can internalize in your room.”

This seemed to work, because Jinyoung grabbed his things and stepped on Jackson’s foot before walking inside his room and closing the door.

 

“Hey, hyung.” Youngjae enters Jaebum’s room without knocking, something the boy doesn’t really do. But Jaebum wishes he does because he always end up almost falling off his bed in surprise.

“Why aren’t you asleep yet?” Jaebum looks at the clock on his bedside table and it reads 2:04AM.

“You should be the one sleeping since you’re the one with a shoot at 8AM.” Youngjae points out then walks over to sit on the corner of the bed. “Go to sleep, hyung.”

Jaebum raises the script that was on his hands. “I was trying to go through them one last time.” he said then placed it on the bedside table. “But you’re right, I should probably sleep. Hyung will have my head if he can’t wake me up.”

Giggling, Youngjae patted Jaebum’s knees. “Hyung, don’t worry too much. You’ve been practicing your lines in between breaks. You can also study them tomorrow during the rehearsal. You’ll be fine, hyung.”

“Jinyoung ssi probably practiced his line the whole weekend.” Jaebum points out. He didn’t want to whine, but that was exactly how he probably sounded right now. It was a good thing Youngjae was one of those people that didn’t judge. Much.

“Ah…” Youngjae smiled at him then took out his phone and scrolled then showed him a photo. “Your fans are talking about how sweet you were to buy Jinyoung hyung a gift.”

Jaebum shrugged. “I told him I’d buy him a souvenir.”

“You carried it through the airport.”

“I didn’t want it to get squished along with our luggage.” Jaebum explained.

Youngjae just hums at this answer, “Your fans says the two of you look good together. They said they can’t wait to see the kissing scene in the movie.”

“I don’t think they’ll put the kissing scene in the movie.” Jaebum remembers the discussion with Director Bambam, Script Writer Jae and his manager when they casted him. They agreed on not keeping the kissing scene for the sake of Jaebum’s idol image.

“That’s a very important scene, though.” Youngjae raised an eyebrow. “You know Jinyoung hyung might hate you for ruining his favorite book. Because of your image they’d have to change the storyline for that.”

Jaebum lets out a short laugh. “As if he doesn’t hate me enough.”

“True, true.” Youngjae doesn’t want to take sides, but he would be on Jinyoung hyung’s side on this one. The team was adamant to get an idol on their movie so they had to compromise the plot. Jinyoung hyung would hate how Jaebum’s idol image will ruin it for him.

“Do you think he’d scream at me if he finds out?” Jaebum asked and for a second he entertained the idea of letting the original script go through. Maybe his fans won’t mind? Maybe his image won’t get ruined?

But he knew the answer to those are  _ not likely _ .

“Don’t hurt yourself thinking, hyung.” Youngjae pats his thighs before standing up and bidding him a  _ goodnight hyung  _ and he was out the door.

Jaebum wonders if Jinyoung would like his gift.

(Jaebum wonders if Jinyoung would hate him more.)

 

Jaebum was ready. 

He had it prepared. He has his script memorized in his head, all ready to just be put out there and be heard. But when he arrived in the filming site, Park Jinyoung was nowhere to be found.

He was scared when he first got in, using his 30 minutes to prepare before the practice to find Jinyoung immediately. But after going through all the sides of the field, checking the other man’s tent and even checking all the rooms in the house… Jinyoung wasn’t there.

It was only when he had 3 minutes before Bambam calls for him that he gets an answer. Mark had been following him around with his eyes, not a hardship because Jaebum needs to pass in front of him a lot.

“Jinyoungie is not coming until lunch time.” Mark finally said, after Jaebum had checked on Jinyoung’s tent for the fifth time.

Turning around, Jaebum stared at Mark. He had to process who he was for a second, not really seeing him around a lot. Then it finally clicked, Mark was  _ Jinyoung’s  _ PA.

Frowning, he checked his watch. “Why so late, though? Aren’t we supposed to practice before shooting?”

“ _ You  _ have to practice early because according to schedule, you’d be shooting the mafia scenes today?” Mark’s phrased it as a question, but it was obvious he wasn’t waiting for an answer. “Jinyoungie’s schedule starts later, since he’s not needed. He’s probably just waking up right now.”

“Erm.” Jaebum tried to hide the gift he was holding, clutching the handles of the paper bag. “I guess I’ll see him later. Thank you, Mark ssi.” He bowed and left the presence of the other man, not liking how it felt like he was being judged or being laughed at. Probably both.

 

Practice with Bambam went smoothly. Jaebum had made sure he had the script memorized, even going as far as practicing with Youngjae with the parts where he has to exchange lines with someone. Youngjae had a kick with playing the henchmen and when he played the role of the SS Boss.

“We’ll shoot the scene later after lunch.” Bambam told him when they finally finished with the practice. Jaebum was actually sweating now, from all the moving around and glaring at people. JB sometimes feels like such an idiot to play. “Jinyoung hyung is already here so we can do the hospital scene later tonight.”

Jaebum nodded.

“Your schedule is free until the weekend, right hyung?” Bambam wasn’t looking at him, reading through the script and circling some parts.

“Yeah, Seunghoon hyung only booked events for Youngjae in radio shows. But this Sunday night we have a University Festival to perform at.” Jaebum answer, wiping his forehead with his arms. “Can I take my lunch now or are we going through it one more time?”

Bambam snapped his head up, as if surprised. “Mhm? What was that, hyung? Sorry, I was thinking of something…”

“I was just confirming if I can go take my lunch now or are we going to continue practicing?” Jaebum asked, but with the way Bambam looked confused, he’s probably free to go. Still polite to ask, though.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll send Yugyeommie to you when we have to start filming, okay?” Bambam waved him off, walking to where Jae was sitting on a table with Sungjin and Junhyeok. Jaebum could see the story board on top of it, but he couldn’t see which scene they were looking at.

“Okay, I’ll see you later.” Jaebum bowed to Bambam and then to all the staff around him before leaving the room and running to his tent. With Seunghoon busy with Youngjae’s radio guesting tonight, Jaebum has the tent to himself.

Now, the question is… should he go give Jinyoung’s gift already?

 

Jinyoung was inside. Mark told him so, a smirk and a wink just before walking off. He was alone, apparently. Jackson, Jinyoung’s manager, was off with Jimin to pick-up the right size for Jinyoung to wear.

“You… can do it.” Jaebum doesn’t know why he’s even nervous. It was just a gift, a co-actor to their co-star. Nothing big, he was pretty sure they weren’t even friends. But for some reason he promised a souvenir and Jaebum doesn’t like breaking promises, even if the other party probably doesn’t even give a shit.

For some reason, this feels even nerve-wrecking than their first performance or that one time he got his first award as a Rookie Idol Actor of the Year. But he shook his head, took a few calming breaths before calling out through the tent.

“Jinyoung ssi? Jinyoung ssi? May I come in?” Jaebum hopes he doesn’t sound deranged, because he feels like one. He feels a little faint, but it was probably from sweating too much. Summer heat sucks, especially since he was stuck inside the practice room for hours practicing the same line and rehearsing the same action over and over again.

No answer came, but he peaked inside and saw Jinyoung on the table with a book on his lap and earphones on.

“Damnit.” Jaebum cursed, looking around to see if someone saw him. Cursing was a human trait, but his fans doesn’t like it when he does it so he avoids anyone hearing him. When he saw no one, he took another calming (not really) breathe and entered the tent. “Erm…?”

His presence was finally made aware when Jinyoung looked up from his book, looking confusedly at him. The boy took out his earphones and carefully inserted the bookmark before he was closing it. The title read  _ Definite Soul _ .

“Oh. What chapter are you reading?” Jaebum asked, trying to handle his wits and remember what he planned to say. He kind of forgot everything right now.

“Chapter 7 which is the scene where JB leaves the meeting in Busan hurriedly to visit Junior after he first woke up.” Jinyoung explained, as if Jaebum didn’t know. Although, to be fair, Jaebum really didn’t know which chapter was what scene. “Did you need anything? Are we starting now?”

Jaebum shook his head and placed the paper bag he had been clutching on the table in between them. “This is, uh, the promised souvenir I told you about.” he swallowed, running his fingers through his hair. “I hope you like it.”

But Jinyoung didn’t move, just staring at Jaebum for a second then turning his gaze at the paper bag in front of him. He looked like he was trying to analyze it or trying to decide if it bites. Jaebum doesn’t know which is worse.

“I promise it’s nothing extreme.” Jaebum said, breaking the silence and causing Jinyoung to look up at him again.

Another round of silence, Jaebum was ready to bolt out when Jinyoung finally spoke.

“You changed the paper bag.” Jinyoung took the gift in his hands, testing the weight.

_ Oh _ . Jinyoung saw it. “I may have accidentally snapped the handle in half.” Jaebum explained. “You saw?”

“Jackson shoved his laptop to my face.” Jinyoung answered, carefully removing the staples Jaebum had showered the paper bag with last night. He took out the staples one by one, placing them neatly on the table in front of him.

Jaebum watched with amusement.

When Jinyoung finally finished, he opened the paper bag then raised an eyebrow at Jaebum. Jaebum just grinned, which was weird since he was pretty sure he was just nervously clutching at his sides earlier.

“So you go to a foreign country and bring me back a…” Jinyoung took out the Peach plushie that Jaebum had bought for him. “A plushie. That I could buy here anyway.”

Jaebum tsk-ed. “But you didn’t. It’s a plushie from  _ a different country _ . See the difference?”

“It’s still a plushie.” Jinyoung frowned, “Of a peach.”

“You can hug it to sleep.” Jaebum assured him. “Plus, I also bought you chocolate. Those are totally bought there.”

Jinyoung just rolls his eyes, taking out the chocolate from the paper bag. “Only one bar?” he asked, looking up at Jaebum. “Not even two?”

“You already have a plushie.” Jaebum answers. But the truth is that he had wanted to buy more than one chocolate bar, but he wasn’t sure how the social cues for these things are. Especially since they weren’t friends. He probably should have bought more than one, because Jinyoung is now looking at his one bar pitifully.

“Hey, I’ll buy you more next time?” Jaebum suggested, he was pretty sure they would still be filming by the next performance abroad. He could buy Jinyoung more chocolates. (On why he wants to, he tries not to think about the reasons).

But Jinyoung wasn’t paying attention to him, staring at the bar of chocolate as if it had offended him. Or was the owner that one that offended him? Jaebum couldn’t decide.

Before Jaebum could ask, maybe prod some more and apologize if he offended him, Jackson came barging inside the tent with Jimin in tow. They have a gray suit with them, as if a prize and they both looked extremely proud. Then they saw Jaebum awkwardly standing there and the triumphant look on their faces turned to confusion.

Jaebum wonders if he can still run away. But Jackson was too fast for him.

“You gave him the gift!” Jackson lunged for the paper bag, but it was empty. “Huh? Where is it?” He zeroed in on the chocolate that was still on Jinyoung’s hand then turned to look at Jaebum with a judging look.

“What?” Jaebum asked.

“You bought him chocolate?” Jackson raised an eyebrow.

“And a plushie!” Jaebum has no idea why he’s defending himself.

“A peach plushie.” Jinyoung corrects him, looking unrepentant.

“I give you a gift and this is how you’re treating me?” Jaebum demanded, actually feeling hurt. But it was quickly replaced by guilt with the way Jinyoung’s judging look was replaced with something else. Something cold. Something flitting. Something that says…

“Please leave, Jaebum ssi. I still have outfit fitting to do.” Jinyoung’s voice was cold. Not the teasing tone it was earlier, not even deadpan. It was cold. Dismissive.

But Jaebum was equally as stubborn. “Okay.” He wouldn’t apologize, not really. He wasn’t at fault. He turned around, ready to walk out with a shred of his dignity back in place.

“Jaebum ssi.” Jinyoung called.

Something blossoms inside of him, hope, maybe? Maybe everything would be fine? Maybe Jinyoung wasn’t mad (or hurt?)? So he turns around, but was greeted with the the paper bag dangling in front of his face. He was confused for a second then he turned to look at the person holding it.

“Take it. I don’t want it.” Jinyoung pushed the paper bag into his chest. “I don’t want it. Please leave.” Then he walks away, letting Jaebum struggle not to let the bag fall on the floor.

Jaebum wanted to say something. Apologize. Curse. Scream. But before he could do any of them, he felt Jimin’s cold hands on his elbow and helped him leave the tent. The moment he does, it was closed on his back.

“I’m not saying you were wrong, oppa.” Jimin’s voice sounded sad, “But that wasn’t nice.” Then, she too was walking back inside the tent.

Jaebum was left all alone. Paper bag in hand. Mixed thoughts swimming in his mind.

What happened?

 

“How are you feeling?” Jackson asked the moment Jinyoung comes back from rehersals. Jinyoung looked tired so he handed his best friend a bottle of water. “Anything you need?”

Jinyoung took the bottle of water and immediately downed the whole thing in a minute. After finishing it off, he places the empty bottle on the table and stares at Jackson. “We have shooting in an hour.” he just said before standing up and walking to the empty couch. “Just wake me up when they need me.”

Frowning, Jackson picks up the empty bottle to throw it in the trash bin. “Okay. Sleep well.” he turns off the lights and walks out of the tent to see Mark standing just outside. “What’s up, man?”

Mark flashes him a small smile. “Hey, Jackson. Is Jinyoungie asleep?” he asked, clutching on his phone.

“Yeah, he just told me to wake him up when he’s needed. Care to tell me why?” Jackson lifted an eyebrow at him and Mark waved his hand to the tables about 5 meters away from the tent. It was empty enough and Jackson would take anything he could get. “Lead the way, my man.”

Mark tried to fight off the laughter, but he heard the bubbling of laughter from his lips. He led the way, walking towards the table with Jackson following. He sat on the right and Jackson immediately took the one right across.

“They’re shooting the hospital scene later.” Mark simply says.

Jackson nodded. “The one with Junior on the bed and JB the one just moving around?”

Mark hummed in agreement. “Then they’re shooting the Junior fainting scene tomorrow morning.”

“O...kay.” Jackson sort-of does not understand how these things go. What was Jinyoung’s PA even wants to say? “What do you want to say, Mark? Spill it.”

Sighing, Mark finally answered. “Let’s just say it was so awkward between Jinyoungie and Jaebum earlier. It was a good thing Jinyoung’s character was asleep because Bambam would’ve bust a nerve even trying to make them stay in one spot.”

Jackson knew what happened earlier would affect the shooting. “Jinyoung’s character was  _ asleep _ . How could they be awkward?” he needs to have a talk later tonight with Jinyoung about not trying to fight with his co-star again, even if what Jaebum said earlier wasn’t that nice.

“Oh no.” Mark shook his head immediately. “Jinyoung wasn’t at fault. The awkwardness was all on Jaebum. He couldn’t even… look at Jinyoung without looking like cringing.”

Jackson had no answer to that. Luckily, he didn’t need to because Jimin and Dahyun made an appearance soon enough. Both were carrying the make-up bag and a hanger of clothing. Immediately, both he and Mark stood up to give the girls a hand as they entered the tent with Jinyoung passed out on the couch.

“Oppa is asleep?” Jimin asked, opening the make-up bag she placed on the table. “Can someone wake him up?”

Jackson went to Jinyoung’s side to shake him up. “Hey, hey. Jinyoung-ah? Jimin is here.”

“And Dahyun!” Dahyun piped up from the side, dragging the rack of clothes with Mark’s help.

“And Dahyun.” Jackson agreed, shaking Jinyoung’s frame. After a few minutes of shaking, Jinyoung finally mumbled something before opening his eyes and blinking rapidly. “There. Now stand up and wash up before they work on you.”

Helping Jinyoung sit up and then put on his shoes so he could wash up at the mini sink by the side, Jackson took the empty couch with Mark following and sitting on his side. The girls were busy ruffling through the clothes while the other laid out the things they would need on the table. Soon enough, Jinyoung was drying his face with a towel and taking a seat.

“We need a bruise on your cheek.” Jimin said the moment Jinyoung sat down.

“Also, mess up your hair and make it look like you haven’t washed in days.” Dahyun added, finally taking out a patient gown and slippers to place it inside the dressing room by the corner. “I’ll work on it first:”

Jimin hummed, letting Dahyun take her place behind Jinyoung’s head while she walked over in front. She dragged a stool in front of Jinyoung and inspected his newly washed face.

“I think making him look pale would be quite hard.” Jimin inspected his face. “Jinyoung oppa’s skin is too fair.”

Jinyoung chuckled, but didn’t say anything.

“Girls would be  _ jealous  _ of your skin.” Jimin added, grabbing the brush from her kit. Dahyun was already preparing the brushes, intent on staring at them and then at the sleep mused hair Jinyoung was currently sporting.

Jackson turned to Mark. “Want to get something to eat, man? This will take long.” He waved his hand to Jinyoung looking sleepily somewhere while Dahyun and Jimin were working on him.

“Let’s grab some cola.” Mark suggested and Jackson nodded, the two of them already standing up and leaving the tent.

 

> **_CHAPTER 7: Anything for You_ **
> 
> _ Jaebum received the call at 12:04AM just as he was about to head to bed. The whole day was a whirlwind of him having a talk with the SS Boss and then a meeting with his own team to talk about the plans. He had to assign them all their respective places, double-check that they actually understood their instructions. After all these, he had to check for any loopholes with the plans. _
> 
> _ “Do you want a drink, sir?” One of his henchmen asked when they saw him still going through the map of the harbor at 11PM. _
> 
> _ “No, it’s okay.” JB had answered, massaging his forehead. The pressure of the day and the fact that the next day means another busy day was something he wasn’t looking forward to. JB liked action, the movement and the way bones crushed underneath his palms. _
> 
> _ JB didn’t like planning or sitting around waiting. _
> 
> _ Yet when his cellphone rang at 12:06AM when he had already lied down on his bed, blanket tucked underneath his chin, he still answered it. Especially when he saw that the phone number said  _ Hyung~ _. _
> 
> _ “Hello, hyung?” JB said as a greeting, wiping his eyes of drowsiness. He needed a cup of coffee right now. _
> 
> _ “Junior is awake now.” _
> 
> _ It was just four words. Four simple words. And JB was suddenly awake, all thoughts of sleep and being tired suddenly thrown out the window. With those four words he was suddenly sitting up, hands on his phone. _
> 
> _ “How is he? Does he need me? Can I talk to him?” JB hurriedly asked. _
> 
> _ There was some mumbling on the other line and some shuffling. “I’m sorry, you can’t. He… actually.” There was a long pause, as if his hyung wouldn’t know what to say. _
> 
> _ “What is it hyung? What’s wrong with Junior?” JB was already grabbing his slippers, standing up to stand by the window in his room. _
> 
> _ “He hasn’t talked to anyone, not to me or the nurses.” His hyung finally answered, followed by a huge sigh. “I’m sorry.” _
> 
> _ JB felt his blood run cold. “What do… what does this mean, hyung?” _
> 
> _ “I have no idea either. I called for Mr. Do from the Psychiatry Department to look him over tomorrow.” _
> 
> _ “Can I try talking to him?” JB asked again, biting his lip. He had wanted to be there for Junior, when he woke up. But instead he was miles away, all the way down in Busan. _
> 
> _ There was someone talking in the background, a little muffled before his hyung finally answered. “I’m sorry, JB. Letting Junior talk to a real person is the best way to go about this. Anyway, I need to go home. I’ll talk to you later.” _
> 
> _ “Okay, hyung. Goodnight and thank you.” _
> 
> _ There was beeping and then JB placed the phone on the table. Before his mind had processed it, he was already reaching for his phone again. _
> 
> _ “Get me the fastest car we brought and get it running. I’ll be down in 5.” JB then closed the call and pocketed his phone. He grabbed his coat, his wallet and then his gun. In less than 10 minutes, he was out of his room. _
> 
> _ It was close to 5AM when JB was finally parking the car in the Hospital’s basement. He hasn’t slept a wink and had to get two cups of coffee on the road, just so his decision to go to Seoul wouldn’t end up with him getting killed on the road. _
> 
> _ The whole place was quiet, just a few people on the hallway and none on his ride up the elevator. When he arrived outside the room, he had to pause. All his sleepiness had vanished the way his courage also did. Why was he even here? _
> 
> _ But before he could lose all his sanity and run back to the elevator and take that 4 hour ride back to Busan, the door opened with a nurse stepping out of the room. It seemed like she recognized him and bowed. _
> 
> _ “Here to see Junior ssi?” she asked pleasantly, clutching on the board. _
> 
> _ “Is he…” JB curses himself for stuttering. “Is he awake?” _
> 
> _ “Yes, he is.” She opened the door of the room again, stepping to the side. “Please come in.” _
> 
> _ Not having any way out anymore, JB gave her a huge smile. “Thank you.” And then he steps in, not knowing what he would see or if he’s even expecting anything at all. _

 

“Youngjae-ah, we need to leave in—Youngjae, is there anything wrong?” Seunghoon hyung was suddenly by his side, tissue on hand. “Are you alright?”

Youngjae shook his head, newly styled hair almost getting messed up by how strong his shaking was. He raised the book  _ Definite Soul  _ and that was when Seunghoon hyung finally sighed and chuckled, letting go of him.

“Are you crying because of a  _ book,  _ Choi Youngjae?” Seunghoon hyung asked, looking amused now.

“Hyung!” Youngjae sniffed, taking the offered tissue to blow his nose at. He’d have to get his make-up retouched before they leave now, especially after messing it up with tears. He really shouldn’t have read the book right now, there should’ve been a warning on the front page or something. “It was really sad… and I’m not even halfway through the book.”

Seunghoon hyung was calling at one of the stylist, gesturing at Youngjae’s slightly red eyes. “Where did you even get the book?” he asked, not remembering on letting Youngjae go alone to buy it.

“One of the fans gave it to me as a gift,” he answered proudly. “I posted about it in Twitter, saying I was planning on buying one and she gave it to me! So I immediately posted someone already gave me one just so they wouldn’t  _ all  _ buy me a gift.”

Seunghoon hyung laughed again. “Just avoid messing up your hair and makeup alright? We need to leave in a few minutes.” He checked his watch. “Just ten minutes more.”

Before Youngjae could answer or get back to reading, one of the stylists was already at his side and told him to stay still. Because he did mess up their hard work, he let her apply more powder to his face and just sat without moving.

Youngjae wonders how his Jaebum hyung was going to play this part. He couldn’t wait to watch the whole movie!

Being alone in the tent with Yugyeom wouldn’t have been so hard if not for the boy constantly asking him to show some moves. It’s not the fact that he had to show some moves that sucked, it was the fact that no matter what Jaebum does, Yugyeom would immediately follow and do it  _ better  _ than him.

“You’re a great dancer.” Jaebum finally says when Yugyeom had perfectly executed another dance step. He was breathing fast and had to take a seat and drink some water. Jimin and Dahyun would come over soon and they would panic if he looks like shit.

“I used to dance.” Yugyeom just answers, “But thank you, hyung! That means a lot to me.”

Jaebum smiles and takes another mouthful of water before staring at the clock. Shooting will start soon and he needs to stop feeling so  _ awkward  _ all the time.

 

Saying it was easier said than done. Jaebum felt awkward and out of place the whole time they had to shoot the hospital scene. He has no idea if Jinyoung even felt the same thing because the boy’s parts were just of him on the bed.

“Jaebum hyung…” Bambam sounded tired after the sixth time he had to call for a cut since Jaebum couldn’t even  _ reach out  _ for Jinyoung’s hand, more so even  _ touch  _ it. “Are you alright? Are you tired? We already practiced this earlier.”  _ Why is your acting so shitty right now?  _ was the unsaid question.

Jaebum bowed down. “I’m sorry. Can I just—“ he looked at Jinyoung’s side, the man was on the bed looking comfortable as ever. “Can I just get a short break? I think I need air. Or something.”

“Take a break, just make sure that when you come back we can finish this scene. Is that clear?” Bambam looked ready to knock out or knock Jaebum out, he wasn’t sure. But the Director sat down on his seat and Jaebum took this as a cue to run away already.

Taking the quickest way he knew towards the hospital balcony, he opened the door and immediately breathed a sigh of relief. The air was a bit damp because it was summer and it feels a little stuffy with the coat he has on. But the fresh breathe of air was nice and also the fact that there was no one that could see him.

A deep breathe. Once. Twice. Thrice.

Jaebum didn’t even realize he had closed his eyes, didn’t even realize he mostly ignored everything else as he forgets everything around him. He didn’t even realize that someone had already entered the silent sanctuary he was trying to enjoy until he felt a hand touch his shoulders. To say he was surprised was an understatement with the way he jumped at the sudden contact.

“Enjoying the view?” it was Jinyoung, still wearing the thin hospital gown he was donning from the earlier shoot. He was wearing slippers, blue and looked like Doraemon from that anime he used to like when he was a child.

“What are you doing here?” Jaebum ended up asking, suddenly feeling hot in his coat. Why does JB wear so many thick clothing anyway?

Jinyoung shrugged, leaning over the railing and looking at the view that this hospital provided. It was up in the hills, near their shooting location and was abandoned just a few years ago because they moved to a bigger location. Their Location Scout found it and got permission to use it, even asking for locals to help with installing lights and electricity during the duration of their shoot.

So Jaebum stayed silent too, leaning over the railing as well and closing his eyes again. He doesn’t feel so stuffy anymore, but he does still feel nervous. What was Jinyoung even doing here? Earlier he was just mad at him and now he’s here. What did he want from Jaebum? Should he say something? Apologize--

“I can hear you thinking from a mile away, you know.”

Jaebum almost felt like he snapped his head with the way he suddenly turned to look at Jinyoung. The man  _ wasn’t  _ even looking at him, instead staring out into the distance. There was a small lake around a kilometer away and he heard from Yugyeom that they would be shooting there soon, he wonders what would happen then.

“What do you want from me?” Jaebum finally has the courage to ask. Also, they should probably get back to the set. Even though Bambam told him to take as much as time as he wanted to, he was sure their Director wouldn’t take it well if he disappears for an hour.

Jinyoung finally turns to look at him, looking like he had to physically hurt himself from looking away from the tempting view. “I don’t want anything to do with you.” he answers, voice dead of any emotion.

For some reason, this physically hurt Jaebum. Other than that clench in his heart and the sharp intake of breathe, his knees felt like they would give up any second now and his eyes were starting to feel blurry. He held onto the railing hard, the hot metal burning his palms.

“I don’t want anything to do with you.” Jinyoung repeats with more conviction. “But we need to film properly so you should deal with your issues,  _ hyung _ .” Then he bows and leaves the balcony with a resounding  _ thud  _ as the door closes behind him.

Jaebum just stood there, confused and pained because he doesn’t  _ understand  _ anything anymore. Shaking, he lets go and follows the footsteps of Jinyoung.

 

_ “Junior ssi…”  _ Jaebum slowly walks over to the stool beside the bed. A camera man was following him on foot, while another one was trailing behind him. He ignored all of them in favor of getting into character, busy looking at the man in front of him as he takes his seat. Sitting down, he reached out and was trembling a little as he held Jinyoung’s hand between his.

He was shaking, trembling even but he thought that would be great for the current scene.

“Cut!” Bambam called and Jaebum would be letting go now, but instead-- “Don’t let go yet! We’re going to zoom in on the clasped hands.”

So for the next 5 minutes, Jaebum held Jinyoung’s hand in his and tried not to sweat too much. Also he hates how he can smell Jinyoung with them being this close. Not only was the other man’s hand soft, but he smelled like peaches and that soap Jaebum liked. Basically, the world is out to get him.

Soon the cameras were on his face again and Bambam was calling for  _ Rolling! 3! 2! 1! Action!  _ and they shot Jaebum holding tightly on Jinyoung’s hands. Then they had to pause the recording again for Bambam to call for a different shot.

“Am I still going to be…?” Jaebum indicated the clasped hands.

“Don’t let go.” It was Sungjin who answered him this time, the man just a few steps away. “We don’t want to lose the right position.”

The next shot was of Jaebum slowly putting his head down as the camera pans away and away and the door closes on them. It took them 3 takes before Bambam was happy with the shots they took.

“You’re free.” Bambam simply tells them after he calls  _ Cut!  _ for the third take. “I need Jinyoung hyung to shoot for the next scenes while Jaebum hyung can wait until we finish to shoot the scene with the doctor. I’ll send Yugyeom for you if I need anything.”

Jaebum bows and shrugs off the coat to hand it over to Dahyun that was waiting by the side. It really is too hot even with the airconditioning blasting in the room. Walking faster, he goes down to the grounds where his tent was and where it would be airconditioned and just waiting for him.

Entering, he immediately removed his shirt and jumped when someone gasped. He pulled it back on and looked around, wondering why someone else was inside his tent. But then he sees who it was and sighs either in relief or annoyance.

“What are you doing here, Jackson ssi?” Jaebum asked, trying to debate with himself whether changing clothes right now would be impolite.

“Your airconditioning is better than the one’s in Jinyoungie’s.” Jackson answers, bright smile on his face. “You also have a great body. Were you an athlete or something? Not everyone has that great thighs.”

Jaebum looks down at his thighs and then at Jackson who was looking at him expectantly. “Uh, I wasn’t but I used to b-boy back when I haven’t debuted yet?” he answered and does not understand why he ended up phrasing it as a question.

Jackson didn’t seem to mind, though. He patted the empty spot on the seat beside him on the couch, looking extremely at home for someone that broke into someone else’s tent. Seeing no particular reason to start a fight (yet), Jaebum goes over and sits on the spot farthest away from Jackson.

“Did you need anything? Aside from making use of my airconditioning, apparently.” Jaebum asked, looking at Jackson’s side.

“Nothing really. I just wanted to invite you.” Jackson declares excitedly, pulling his leg to rest on the couch as he angles to be facing Jaebum directly. “Tonight we’re having a few drinks and some dinner with the boys. Just some fun. You in?”

“Uh…” he frowned, “We have a shooting tomorrow so why are you all going drinking?”

Jackson blinked, also looking confused. “What’s wrong with drinking? We all drink everyday.”

“Uh, no we don’t. Getting drunk is not my cup of tea, I’m sorry.” Jaebum answered and glared when Jackson ended up laughing. “What? What are you laughing at?”

“I meant drink as in drinking water or juice!” Jackson howls in laughter, clutching on his stomach and looking like he was about to pass out from all the laughing he was doing. It took him maybe a few more minutes before he calmed down, still hiding some giggles but otherwise not dying from laughter anymore. “Man, you’re a laugh.”

Jaebum has no idea if he would take that as a compliment or not. Jackson looked thoroughly red from all the laughing, though. Maybe he meant good by it?

“Probably can’t go.” Jaebum tries to rack his brain with any plans he has tonight, but couldn’t come up with any. Seunghoon hyung has abandoned him in the filming set until this Saturday. “Who will be going?”

Jackson shrugs. “Everyone besides you, apparently.”

 

Jaebum ended up going. What was new? This was why he has a manager to handle his schedules because Jaebum has and always will be one of those people that doesn’t know their limit. 

As promised, there was no alcohol. Jaebum had warily tasted what was said to be apple juice and was surprised when it was  _ actually  _ apple juice. So far, no alcoholic beverage has come near him or of anyone, because they were all chattering and looking sober as hell.

Also as promised, everyone was here. Jinyoung was at the very side, talking to Wonpil the Head of Post Production at the side. He doesn’t look sickly anymore, the make-up from earlier shooting already washed off. Instead he was wearing black ripped jeans, white shirt and a blue cardigan. He looked simple and comfortable, especially with the added effect of black rimmed glasses framing his face.

Maybe Jaebum really  _ did  _ need a drink.

“Hey man.” Jaebum dragged his eyes away from Jinyoung laughing with Wonpil to see Sungjin looking at him with a smirk. “You look flustered.”

“Tired.” Jaebum explains, even though that didn’t actually explain anything. “What are you up to?”

“Oh, you know…” Sungjn’s smirk widened, “Just staring at my male co-star. Looking good, doesn't he?”

“ _ Excuse me _ ?” Jaebum felt like choking on air. Or lashing out. He hasn’t decided which, yet.

“Anyway!” Sungjin patted his shoulder as if he didn’t just imply Jaebum was oggling Jinyoung. “Do you want to go join the others? We’re starting the karaoke and planning to sing our hearts out. We promise we won’t go easy on you just because you’re a singer.”

This, Jaebum could laugh at this. “Let’s go see then.” He laughs as Sungjin leads the way towards the front of the room where Jae and Junhyeok were in front of the karaoke machine, going through cables.

There was a small crowd already and Jaebum could only pinpoint a few. He wasn’t good with names, but he recognizes them by face and he makes sure to smile at them to acknowledge their presence.

“We have the almighty Im Jaebum here with us today!” Sungjin announces, looking amused at Jaebum’s reaction. “Oh don’t worry, our team will go easy on you. It’s not like we have a sure win just because have an idol at our side.”

Everyone cheered, raising their glasses of apple juice or blue lemonade. As soon as Jae and Junhyeok finished fixing the machine, they handed out the two list of books of songs on both teams and then sat on their own seats.

“Can we choose our list of players already?” Jae asked around and everyone nodded in agreement, already too busy leafing through the pages of the song book to look for their competing song.

“How many rounds should we get?” Jackson asked, turning to Bambam who was on his own team. “Six should be good, right? Six songs each team and we compute at the end which one has the highest score.”

“Call!” Sungjin answered, raising his fist. “Should we decide on our arrangement?”

Separating and turning to their own team as people from the room also walked over to them, choosing their own sides. They huddled and dicussed in hushed voices, pointing and suggesting and finally agreeing. After a full fifteen minutes, both teams finally agreed to separate and call for their line-up.

Sungjin stands up first, “Our team’s line-up will be as follows: Junhyeok, Dahyun, Wonpil, Jae, me and last but definitely not the least, Jaebum.” He takes a small bow and then sits down, gesturing for the other team to announce their own.

Bambam stands up next, the undeclared leader for their team, “My team’s line up is as follows: Yugyeom, Jackson, me, Jimin, YoungK and Jinyoung hyung.”

Jaebum’s head snapped up when he heard Jinyoung’s name, surprised that the boy actually sings? He had no idea of this, but that’s probably because as an actor Jinyoung was never expected to sing.

Sungjin and Bambam plays rock, paper and scissors with Bambam losing so Sungjing’s team goes first. Junhyeok stands up and punches in his song, Jaebum listens quietly with his hands playing with the hem of his leather jacket because he’s actually nervous as hell now that he’s sort-of competing against Jinyoung.

During the duration of the whole competition, Jaebum doesn’t actually pay attention and just heard snippets. He was trying not to choke on air and die right there and then. Junhyeok sang an English song while Yugyeom did a Kanye West. Dahyun sang a girl group song complete with head banging and lots of laughter while Jackson sang EXID’s Up and Down. Wonpil sang another English song and Bambam, bless their Director, sang a Filipino song titled  _ Ngiti  _ that none of them understood.Jae went with She was Mine by AJ Rafael and Jimin sang Mercy by Duffy. Sungjin and YoungK both went with Korean songs. Then it was Jaebum’s turn.

“What would yours be, Jaebum-ah?” Sungjin asked, hands on the buttons as he waited.

Jaebum rambled off the code for Miguel’s Coffee as he took the offered microphone and took the center stage. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him and it was actually scary, now that he was in front of them. He had sung for numerous people, but he hasn’t yet sang to just… play a game. It was either he needed to perform to win other’s affections or to impress people.

So with a deep breathe, Jaebum closes his eyes and tries his best to sing a song he loved so much. “ _ I wish I could paint our love. These moments in vibrant hues… _ ”

Jaebum tries to concentrate, tries not to get distrated as he pours his everything in the song. He tries not to dwell on his probably fail English pronounciation unlike Jae that had a flawless tone. But he loves this song and he will put everything on it.

“ _ Sweet dreams turn into coffee in the morning… _ ”

The clutch on his microphone was hard and his fist feels painful, but he doesn’t mind. He has his eyes closed, the lyrics long stamped in his memory. He doesn’t even understand or remember anymore what this performance was about because the moment Jaebum starts singing, he becomes the singer he is.

“ _ Pick a star in the sky. We can both say goodbye… _ ”

Jaebum slowly opens his eyes and everyone around him claps loudly, someone even whistling. He grins at them and then grins even harder when the screen of the machines screams a loud  _ 98  _ at his performance.

“Wow, that was great!”

“You were awesome!”

“Good job, man!”

Praises were drowned as Jackson moves to the front to punch in the code for Jinyoung’s song and the man himself goes to the middle with the microphone that Jaebum was just clutching on earlier. Jaebum wonders what the other man chose to sing…

He didn’t have to wonder long.

“ _ Bucket full of tears… Baby, know I'm here… I'm here waiting. _ ”

Jaebum didn’t have to be a huge fan, but he knows AJ Rafael’s Without You word by word. He also now knows how beautiful Jinyoung’s voice sounded as he sings the first verse of the song, in an almost perfect English pronounciation that was infinitely better than Jaebum’s was.

“ _ Wake up feel the air that I'm breathing… _ ”

Jaebum can feel how his breathe is knocked out from his chest.

_ “I can't explain this feeling that I'm feeling… _ ”

Jinyoung looked beautiful, the way his voice was shaking a little, but he looked determined to finish the song. He was clutching onto the microphone a little hard, the veins of his hands popping out and obvious to anyone that stared hard enough.

“ _ I won't go another day without you… _ ”

Jaebum can feel himself swaying to the music and he could tell that everyone else was enjoying it too. Jinyoung didn’t have a powerful voice like he and Youngjae had, the kind that becomes fitting for a lead vocal. But Jinyoung’s voice was soothing and warm, the kind that you would listen when you’re having a bad day and just want to curl up under the bed and cry your heart out.

“ _ Without you... _ ”

Jinyoung’s voice is the kind that would make you feel safe, deep and soft and utterly beautiful. It was the kind that could probably sing different kinds of genres, the kind that didn’t need extensive practice because it was perfect just the way it was.

Jaebum was a little jealous.

The more he listened, the more he felt a little in love at that soothing voice.

_ “I won’t go another day without you…” _

Everyone cheered when Jinyoung finished, probably stunned at the wondeful voice their lead actor was hiding. Jinyoung tried to turn around and hide, laughing a little at the attention he was getting.

“ _ WOW! PERFECT 100! _ ” The karaoke machine announced and the applause for Jinyoung was even louder, everyone singing praises and congratulations.

Even Jaebum had stood up an joined the clapping, but he stayed on his seat rather than go and give Jinyoung a high-five or clap his back. He watched Jinyoung’s frames almost get knocked off his face as numerous people came up to him. He was laughing a lot, obviously running on the excitement at a performance.

Jaebum wonders what would’ve happened if Jinyoung became a singer instead and they were on the same group.

“Okay! Even though Jinyoung had completely stole  _ all  _ our hearts…” Jae winked at Jinyoung’s direction and this earned him a round of laughter from everyone. “We must still announce the winner of tonight’s sing-off!”

Jaebum didn’t even have enough time to realize that Jinyoung beat his score. He tries not feel a little sad, but it’s actually a little painful for his pride that an actor won his score over. But it’s okay, Jinyoung totally smashed that.

“Sungjin’s team won with 554 points!” Jae announces, cheering for his own team. “Sungjin and his members get the chance to not pay for tonight’s meal or clean up!”

Cheers from Sungjin’s team and boos from Bambam’s.

“But as tonight’s MVP!” Jae raised his hand to Jinyoung’s side. “Our MVP tonight, Park Jinyoung! Wow I didn’t think you have a voice as amazing as that, Jinyoung-ah!”

Jinyoung chuckled, shaking his head. “No, no. Don’t say that. I’m not a singer, Jae hyung.”

“Who cares, right?” Jae asked the crowd and everyone screamed, especially the girls. Jimin and Dahyun were laughing in front. “Now who wants a duet from the two of our best singers for tonight?”

Jinyoung understands it earlier than Jaebum does, already looking at Jaebum’s side and frowning a little. Everyone was cheering, obviously excited at the idea. It was only when Sungjin elbowed Jaebum’s side did he understand what was happening.

“Get on the stage, Jaebum-ah!” Sungjin pushed him up, laughing at his clueless face.

Jaebum walked over to where Jinyoung was standing stiffly, he bowed at the man and the other returned it. If anyone else noticed how awkward they were at each other, no one said anything as they continued to cheer for a duet.

“Any suggestion, boys?” Jae asked, but then changed his mind. “Actually, let  _ me  _ choose.”

Jaebum and Jinyoung both nod, but they soon find out it was a wrong choice to let Jae choose the song. In a few seconds Keane’s Somewhere Only We Know start playing that the two of them had no time to even change their choice of song.

_ “I walked across an empty land I knew the pathway like the back of my hand. _ ” Jaebum sings the first part, hoping Jinyoung isn’t in too much shock to realize he was passing the second line to him. So he turns to Jinyoung as he says  _ back of my hand  _ and everyone around them cheers.

 

Luckily, the motion was not useless because Jinyoung puts the microphone to his mouth and sings the next part,  _ “I felt the earth beneath my feet. Sat by the river and it made me complete.” _

They carefully swap the parts, both blushing when their eyes meet and the whole crowd goes wild. Jaebum wonders if maybe strangling Jae would be inappropriate, even though he was his hyung.

_ “And if you have a minute why don't we go. Talk about it somewhere only we know? This could be the end of everything. So why don't we go… Somewhere only we know? Somewhere only we know?” _

 

Jaebum has to admit that he and Jinyoung actually sounds great together, especially as they share the chorus. With their less than stellar English, they manage to sound somehow normal and that sort of makes Jaebum feel better. That and the fact that Jinyoung was actually slightly smiling now as he sings his parts.

_ “So why don't we go…” _ Jaebum turns to Jinyoung.

Jinyoung smiles and sings the last line, “ _ Somewhere only we know?” _

Everyone immediately started clapping and hollering as Jaebum and Jinyoung bows to the crowd and then to each other. They were both smiling and laughing, probably the adrenaline at having finished a song even if Jae had thrown this at them.

“Any message to each other, boys?” Jae asked and Jaebum could hear the hint of teasing in it. He was obviously pleased at his masterpiece.

“Well… Next time…” Jaebum turns to look at Jinyoung who was still flushed with excitement. “Next time let’s stick to Korean songs, huh?”

Jinyoung agrees, laughing. “No more English songs, please!”

Jae was pouting as the two of them takes one last bow before going back to their seats, accepting high fives or chest bumps. Soon they were seating on their respective seats with glasses of blue lemonade being handed to them. The program was finished but everyone was still buzzing with excitement.

Tonight was a great night and Jaebum doesn’t regret anything.

 

Sleeping that night was hard, especially since Jae corned him just before they separated ways. The older boy took hostage of his phone for a few minutes and then returned it to him looking triumphantly. When Jae was gone, Jaebum opens his phone to find a new video in his folder and when he opens it…

“ _ Bucket full of tears… Baby, know I'm here… I'm here waiting. _ ”

The sound was low quality, but the video was a clear view of Jinyoung standing in front. It was a little shaky and has nothing on the real thing, but it was just as beautiful.

Jaebum totally does not falls asleep watching it on his phone.

 

 

> **_CHAPTER 8: Don’t You Remember_ **
> 
> _ JB hates it. _
> 
> _ “Junior, will you just--” The slam of a door to his face. _
> 
> _ Cursing and stuffing his hands inside his pocket, he leans over the closed door and closes his eyes. He feels so trapped even when he was the one outside a closed door, but the word that would probably best describe him is helpless. JB feels helpless. _
> 
> _ “Junior, are you there?” he whispers to the wooden door. The hallway on Junior’s apartment is empty, but he wouldn’t trust anyone not to be listening right now. JB doesn’t trust anyone after all. “Can you hear me?” _
> 
> _ No answer. He wasn’t really surprised. _
> 
> _ “You know I won’t go away, right?” JB asked, knocking the back of his head at the hard door. It hurt, but JB didn’t even feel any pain. The thought that Junior was inside there, alone and with no one to help him was the worst thing he could think of. _
> 
> _ No answer, as usual. But if he strain his ears enough he could faint footsteps from inside. _
> 
> _ “I’m coming back. Tomorrow.” JB repeated. He knew he had to be planning for a raid tomorrow, they will be taking over that drug dealer from China that thinks they could just sell their goods here without going through him. But he can postpone that, he can slip out for a few seconds. _
> 
> _ Silence. Junior had stopped moving around or he had gone too far for JB to hear anything through the thick wood separating them. _
> 
> _ “I’ll come back. I prom--” JB’s last word transitioned to a yelp as the door opened and he felt himself falling backward. Luckily, he has quick reflexes and he was able to grab the door and managed to control his movement. _
> 
> _ “Why would anyone lean by the door?” Junior’s voice deadpanned behind him and this caused JB to immediately turn around. The man was still in his pajamas, hair ruffled and still looking sickly pale. _
> 
> _ “Erm. Hi!” Now that JB was finally in front of Junior, everything he wanted to say was drowned out with panic. What did he want to say again? He couldn’t remember anymore. _
> 
> _ Junior raised his eyebrow, one hand still on the door knob as if he was ready to close it anytime soon. If he wanted to, JB wouldn’t stop him because JB wouldn’t force Junior to do anything he didn’t want to do. _
> 
> _ “I, uh, I just wanted to say…” JB cleared his throat, “I love your paintings, Junior ssi.” _
> 
> _ The blank expression on the other’s face changed to one of anger and JB knew he had to clear things up before this ends in another mess. _
> 
> _ “I do!” JB didn’t know how to explain things without sounding like a stalker. Even though he was, probably. “I saw your paintings before. Do you remember that? You used to sell your paintings by the small market near Han river.” _
> 
> _ “That was a year ago.” _
> 
> _ It was. “I know. I saw you and you were holding this beautiful painting of the Han River.” JB smiled fondly at the memory. He has that painting in his office back in his headquarters, but Junior didn’t need to know that. _
> 
> _ “I’m pretty sure I would remember if I sold it to you.” Junior pursued his lips, as if trying really hard to remember that rainy day a year ago. _
> 
> _ “You didn’t. You sold it to a man walking his three dogs.” JB answered. But he didn’t add that said man also died that night for selling information to the police and the painting was passed to his hands after. They were tailing the man after all, that was how JB came across Junior’s small stall. _
> 
> _ “You didn’t buy anything.” Junior sounded offended, as if accusing. JB couldn’t even blame him right now. He knew Junior was a struggling artist the moment he saw him eagerly sending that beautiful painting for only 25,000 KRW. _
> 
> _ “I was on a…” JB didn’t want to finish it, didn’t want to say those words out loud in a public hallway even if it was deserted. “I wanted to. I came back the next day, but you were gone. And the next. I came by for the next three weeks, but you weren’t there.” _
> 
> _ Junior shrugged. “I started selling my paintings to a different place. Hongdae, near Ehwa Universitiy and even Myeongdong… I went everywhere, you name it. I never stayed in the same place.” _
> 
> _ “But you stopped selling your paintings.” JB knew this because he heard from one of their connection in the museum that they would be holding host for a small artist named Junior Park. He didn’t even put two and two together, didn’t even know it was the same painter as the one he saw in Han River until the night they met again. _
> 
> _ “I thought I finally have a chance at showing my artwork to a bigger audience.” Junior sounded like he was in pain as he said those words, looking away and at the door. “I was rejected. Twice. I spent  _ months  _ on those paintings, but in the end they didn’t even take a single look at it and just called me to tell me they won’t be showing my paintings.” _
> 
> _ “They’re idiots and they don’t have eyes.” JB said with conviction, leaving out the part that he had his henchmen blind the Curator of both museums that rejected Junior. He didn’t need to know, but they deserve every pain of the hot metal burning through their eye sockets. _
> 
> _ Junior gives him a weak smile. “Thanks, JB ssi.” _
> 
> _ “You don’t need to thank me, I’m just a fan telling the truth.” JB rocks on his feet, because after all these confessions and thanks yous, what was going to happen next? Does he go and come back tomorrow? Does he leave and hope for the best? _
> 
> _ “I’ll wait for you tomorrow.” Junior finally tells him, the hand on the door knob finally let go as he clutches on the hem of his shirt. “I’ll… see you tomorrow, right?” _
> 
> _ JB couldn’t help the bubble of laughter that came out of him, he was smiling so brightly he felt like a different person. “And the day after, Junior ssi. You won’t be able to get rid of me now.” he was grinning so brightly that his mouth actually hurts. _
> 
> _ “Then see you tomo _

 

Youngjae ended up almost dropping the book on his face as he hurrieldy closes it and pretends to dig deeper in the mattress, but it was too late. Seunghoon was standing by the doorway looking at him judgingly. Youngjae realized he was caught red handed and he finally rose up to sit down, looking sheepish as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Good…” His bedside clock says 1:02AM. “Morning?”

Seunghoon nods his head, not looking amused at all. “Why are you still awake at this time, Choi Youngjae?” he asked, folding his arms on his chest.

“Erm…” he looked around, trying to maybe think of a lie, but he figured there was no point on lying anyway. So he raised his book again,  _ Definite Soul _ . “I was reading the continuation from earlier. The book is too addictive, hyung.”

“Really?” Seunghoon challenged, walking over and sitting on the corner of the bed. “Tell me about it.”

Excited that he would be able to talk about the book, Youngjae immediately went on about the tale of JB driving all the way from Busan to Seoul just to see Junior face to face. He didn’t want to only see the man a week after he woke up, he didn’t want Junior to think that he didn’t care about him because he did.

“It’s so romantic, hyung.” Youngjae sighed in between re-telling, giggling at the thought. Seunghoon had to nudge his knee to get him to talk again. “But it is, hyung!”

Then he went on about how Junior didn’t want to see JB, didn’t even want to hear his name. JB was thrown out of the room less than a second before he even came in by an angry Junior. JB didn’t want to create a ruckus and he could’ve easily opened the door in a minute, but he didn’t want to push Junior.

“He told the Doctor that he would be coming back in a few days.” Youngjae was bouncing a little on the bed, clutching at his pillow. “I think Junior was really hurt that JB had ignored him for days and then comes back like this, saving him from death again.”

“Junior ssi is a really suicidal character, isn’t he?” Seunghoon asked, but realized it was the wrong question the moment Youngjae looked hurt.

“No! Junior is more than just suicidal, hyung! He has gone through so much and he’s been rejected numerous of times! He’s a great artist! He wasted a better half of his year for the painting, but then finds out they were just going to change their mind!” Youngjae obviously felt a whole lot of emotion for this part.

“Okay, okay. And then? What happened?”

JB had apparently gone back to Busan to face the Japanese mafia and back-up SS. It was a relatively quiet day, his whole gang making sure to cover ground and double check that everything was going in place. There was nothing big, nothing that showed any sign that their guests were into anything.

At least, right until the last day of their visit. It wasn’t even big, not too life threatening (much, in the vocabulary of anyone in the mafia) as one Japanese member didn’t like how he was being guarded anywhere he went and drew out his gun to blast the brain of the SS member near him. Sad to say, the Japanese mafia had lost 1 member that day and also the contract they were aiming for.

“Then what happened to--” Seunghoon was shut up with Youngjae staring at him blankly. “Okay, go on.”

JB went back to Seoul three days after Junior woke up and when he did, he didn’t find Junior in the hospital anymore. He asked his hyung, wondering why no one informed him of Junior being discharged. But it turns out Junior ran away that day, probably when he heard the doctor talking on the phone about JB arriving.

“I’m currently on the chapter where JB was begging for forgiveness. Junior felt like he was abandoned and that  _ hurts  _ just to think about it.” Youngjae wiped a tear from his eye, “It was so painful how JB had to wait by Junior’s door just to talk to him, hyung…”

Seunghoon was about to say something again, but was interrupted  _ again _ .

“And! It turns out JB knew Junior even before their first meeting during that rainy night!” Youngjae bounced again on his seat. “Ooh, I hope there’s a chapter in here dedicated to JB’s view of his meeting with Junior in Han River. Is that on the script, hyung? Is it?”

“Tell you what. Bambam needs to talk to you about the OST the day after tomorrow. How about you ask  _ him _ ?” Seunghoon suggested, patting Youngjae’s knee again. “For now, how about we go to sleep and you can continue reading tomorrow? Or later, actually. You have a 2 O’clock Date guesting and even though it’s not until 2PM, you need to not look bloated. Okay?”

Youngjae pouted, but otherwise laid down on his bed and pulled up his blanket. “You’ll bring me to the shooting site, hyung? Promise?” he asked, stiffling a yawn.

“I promise. Now go to sleep, okay?” Seunghoon stood up and went to the door, turning off the light. “Goodnight, Youngjae.”

 

Jaebum wakes up to a text from Seunghoon.

**From** : Seunghoon hyung   
**Message** : I just want you to know that Youngjae is a total Junior fan. He might cry on you if you don’t end up kissing him.

Jaebum raises his eyebrows and truly does  _ not  _ blush at the thought of kissing Jinyoung. On screen, of course. Just for the movie and not for anything else.

**To** : Seunghoon hyung   
**Message** : Casual reminder that you were the one who decided I don’t kiss my co-star. So you’ll be the one answering to him instead.

Not even a second later, his phone pings just as he’s about to get out of bed.

**From** : Seunghoon hyung   
**Message** : Do I take this as you wanting to kiss your co-star, Jaebum-ah? Anything you want to tell me?

Cursing, Jaebum decides silence is probably better as he locks his phone and finally gets out of bed. He still needs a few dignity as he faces another day of shooting.

 

“We have to go back.” Bambam announces the moment all of them arrives inside the small meeting room. “Not immediately, but Jaebum hyung will be going back to Seoul for the performance and we’re going with him.”

People started asking together, the noise in the room quickly becoming too much and Jaebum hits his hands on the table in front of him. The noise surprised everyone, all of them turning to look at him questioningly. He just raised his eyebrow and gestured for Bambam to start speaking.

“Anyway, before you all decided to…” Bambam pouted a little, before returning to his original intention. “There was a slight conflict with the warehouse we rented down in Busan. Instead of supposedly using it in a month, there was a miscommunication and they thought we were shooting next week.”

Bambam didn’t pinpoint anyone, but Jae turned to stare at Junhyeok who was also their Location Scout aside from his original position. But Junhyeok just stood there, indifferent to the glare their script writer was sending his way and was just looking at his nails in wonder.

“Anyway, with this. We have to shoot all Busan scenes with 3 days we have next week starting early Monday.” Bambam turned to Jaebum, “I called your manager and informed him already. Your next week is free and we’ll be going to Busan as soon as your performance ends on Sunday.”

“Okay.” Jaebum can already feel all the tiredness seeping in his bones. He was hoping to get a good night’s rest Sunday before going back here for another shooting. Guess that plan’s going to the trash.

“Jinyoung hyung won’t be needed for the shooting until Thursday back here.” Bambam looked at the schedule on his hand. “We’ll be shooting scenes 36 till 40 that day, are we good?”

Jinyoung nodded, “Yes, sir. Noted.” And he literally was writing it down in his phone.

“For today until Friday, we’ll have to squeeze in all scenes in the hospital to be done. We have no idea what weather we have next week so we should work on it while we still have the right temperature.” Bambam looked down at his script, “Okay! Rehearsals in 10 minutes! I want everyone for scene 20 till 24 to be in there!”

Soon the room was buzzing around as people tried to simultaneously talk to someone else and squeeze in the single door. Only the Team Heads and Bambam were left by the corner, talking in hushed tones about the sudden change of plan. Jaebum wanted to join them, he’s always loved taking part in it but he saw Jinyoung coughing by the side, waiting to leave the room.

Without even deciding on it, he was already by Jinyoung’s side. “Hey, are you okay?” he asked, then inwardly cringed at the realization that he and Jinyoung didn’t part on good terms the last time they were in a small place. The karaoke was not included, seeing as it was part of a bonding thing for the whole staff.

Jinyoung was obviously feeling sick as he nodded his head. “Jackson already went out to get me medicine. I’ll be fine.” he answered, voice cracking a bit. “A bit lucky I don’t have much lines until we need to shoot the door scene tomorrow.”

Jaebum would’ve smiled at that, but he could see how red Jinyoung’s nose had become. “Do you want me to get you water?” he helped the man sit down on one of the abandoned couches and without waiting for an answer, he walked over to the water dispenser and filled a cup of water.

When he came back to Jinyoung, the man was slumped on the seat and his eyes were closed. Jaebum tries really hard not to stare because with his eyes clothes like this and not for acting, Jinyoung looks… nice. He looks peaceful, even though Jaebum knew he was everything but that. Also, he needed to get him to drink water but before he could do just that, he saw Jinyoung’s phone lighting up.

“Your…” Jaebum saw the even rise and fall of the man’s chest and knew he must’ve fallen asleep. Was Jaebum really gone too long? Or maybe Jinyoung really needed a nap. Intsead, he grabbed the phone and swiped it to answer the call even if the name of the caller was  _ MY BITCH.  _ “Hello?”

“JINYOUNG YOU GOTTA--this is not Jinyoung.” A fumbling on the other end and then a stern voice. “This is not Jinyoung, but this is definitely Jinyoung’s phone. Who are you? Why do you have him? OH MY GOD ARE YOU--”

“Jackson?” Jaebum took a wild guess. Or not so wild. Who else is as dramatic as that?

“HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME? DID YOU--”

“This is Jaebum.”

That shut Jackson up.

“Jinyoung is sick.” Jaebum said, looking up to see Bambam and the others staring at him now. “Where are you?”

Jackson finally answered in a normal voice and Jaebum wanted to sigh in relief. “I’m almost there. I was just calling to remind Jinyoung not to die.” he said it so casually that Jaebum can’t even wonder what the hell is wrong with him. “Is he, though? Dead?”

“No, he’s just asleep.” Jaebum answered, placing a hand on Jinyoung’s forehead to see. The man was still burning with a fever and they should probably put him to bed now. Or give him medicine  _ then  _ put him to bed.

“Alright, I’ll be there soon. Where are you guys?” There was more shuffling from the other line.

“The meeting room. Jinyoung fell asleep on the couch. Hurry up, I don’t think I can carry him.” Jaebum closes the call and slides the phone inside his pocket. The moment he does so, he makes the mistake of looking up at where the others were still watching him.

“Why don’t you carry him piggy back style? That’ll be romantic.” Bambam suggested, a glint in his eye that reminds everyone he’s still quite young even though he’s the Director of this production.

“Or! He could lift him up bridal style?” Jae crossed his arms from where he stood.

Jaebum tried to ignore them as he placed the glass on top of the table. Without looking, he addressed Bambam, “How is he going to be able to attend rehearsal in this condition? He needs to rest.”

There was silence for a second, as if Bambam was trying to weight in the choices. “He should probably rest today or for a few hours, he’d probably be okay for some hospital shoots later this afternoon.”

Wanting to protest, Jaebum finally looked up to demand, but Bambam looked sorry. “We really don’t have enough time huh?” he asked. Bambam nodded as well as the other Team Heads.

They didn’t have enough time to discuss this as Jackson entered the room with a paperbag of the nearest pharmacy on hand. He raised an eyebrow at how all of them were staring down each other and then averted his eye so he could look at his best friend who was on the couch.

“Oh my fuck, is he alright?” Jackson crouched down in front of Jinyoung’s face, raising a hand to check the man’s temperature. The frown says he was warmer now than he was earlier even though he didn’t say anything. “Do you have water? I need to make him eat his medicine.”

Jaebum raised the cup of water he placed on the table and was surprised to see Jackson take out the capsule of medicine. Instead of waking up Jinyoung to take it, he broke the medicine in half and poured the powder on the water and did this with another capsule. After, he took a stirrer from inside the paperbag and mixed the powder in the water.

“He can’t drink capsules.” Jackson explains without waiting for anyone to ask. He took the glass of water and checked it, probably making sure everything was already dissolved. Then he handed it over to Jaebum. “One of the things Jinyoung shares with Junior is this, not being able to drink anything solid. Now as his JB, you have to make him drink this.”

Jaebum blinked, taking the water from Jackson’s hand. “Huh?” He turned to Bambam and the others, everyone looking at him as if he had gone crazy. “I haven’t finished reading the whole thing, alright?”

No one spoke, everyone just looking at him judgingly.

“I had Youngjae get a copy of the book so I could read it.” Jaebum explained again, but still no response. Sighing, he just placed the glass on top of the table again as he sits on the couch to wake Jinyoung up.

Rubbing Jinyoung’s back, Jaebum helped the other sit up and murmured him to wake up. It took way too long or maybe that’s just how it felt for him, but it felt like an hour before Jinyoung was sitting on the couch and rubbing his eyes.

“You need to drink water, alright?” Jaebum murmured, lifting the cup to Jinyoung’s lips and helping the other down it. It took too long again, as if Jinyoung was having a hard time drinking it up or maybe Jaebum wasn’t helping at all. But soon the glass was empty and Jaebum placed the glass back on the table. “How do you feel?”

Jinyoung was still blinking, looking confused. “Jackson you cheated on me again. That had medicine in it.” he mumbled, an actual pout on his lips.

“It’s for your own good, Jinyoungie.” Jackson’s voice was lower, a surprise to Jaebum since he had no idea the man could even speak like that. “How about Jaebum here puts you to bed and then I’ll come later with soup?”

His head almost snapped with the suddenness of Jaebum turning to look at Jackson. However, Jackson was obviously averting his eyes as he patted Jinyoung’s hand.

“Anyway, thank you for offering Jaebum hyung.” Jackson finally gave him a shit-eating grin before standing up and running to where Bambam was standing, immediately engaging the Director into a conversation that looks suspiciously like a set-up but actually sounded like a discussion on the changes of schedule for later.

Without any other choice and because Jaebum didn’t want Jinyoung to sleep on the couch again, Jaebum patted the man’s shoulders until the other opened his eyes. “Hey, can you walk?” he asked and hoped to hell the answer was yes.

Luckily, Jinyoung nodded and only held onto Jaebum for support. Soon they were standing up with Jinyoung looking sluggish by his side as they exited the room. Jaebum tried to block out the catcalls and giggles, pretended they weren’t directed at him.

The walk to Jinyoung’s tent wasn’t far because it was close to the meeting room, designed to be an easy access for emergencies. The last time he was inside, he and the man clinging in his arm fought but now the other was all over him. Trying not to laugh at this irony, he helped Jinyoung lie down on the couch.

“There, there. Don’t move.” Jaebum whispered, knowing Jinyoung wouldn’t appreciate it if he spoke too loud. “You’ll fall if you wiggle around too much.”

It took a few moving around until Jinyoung was safely on the couch and didn’t seem to fall anytime soon. Jaebum gave a sigh of relief as he stepped back and sat on the chair, wiping the sweat that framed his forehead with the handkerchief he had with him.

“You look like an angel like this.” Jaebum whispered, hoping that Jinyoung was too knocked out to hear anything. Who knows what Jinyoung would do if he hears that, right? But the other man didn’t give a sign that he heard, in fact there was that earlier steady rise and fall of his chest. Jinyoung was asleep.

Jaebum couldn’t help but try to hide the smile that was blossoming on his face.

 

Jaebum was totally not distracted. He totally has his 100% full attention into rehearsing his parts, delivering his lines as best as he could without his mind wandering to whether Jackson is even keeping Jinyoung alive inside his tent. No one seems to notice… or they just don’t mind that he keeps having to pause every few minutes.

Well, he thought they weren’t, but when he paused for the fifth time in the same scene, Bambam had finally called it quits.

“Where the hell is your mind wandering off to, hyung?!” Bambam actually looked stressed too and this has Jaebum feeling guilty. He didn’t mean to sacrifice his work ethic because of him worrying about his co-worker that possibly hates him. “Can we  _ please  _ concentrate on this scene?!”

Ashamed and embarrassed at being called out, he bowed a complete 90 degrees just so he won’t have to look at people in the eye. That was not professional and he knew it. “I’m sorry. I promise I’ll do better now.” And he means it. He will focus everything into doing this scene and the following others he has to do after this.

“Good. Now face up and continue from the start of this scene.”

Jaebum is determined to do this.

 

Jinyoung being sick on the bed looks convincing because he was actually sick. Bambam wouldn’t say it out loud, but the natural paleness and the sweat breaking out on the actor’s forehead looked amazing on camera. There was even no need to fake the medicines being fed to him because he really does need them.

“Do you think it would be better if we film JB breaking out the capsule to make the medicine for Junior?” Bambam paused the shooting to discuss with Jae, Junhyeok and Sungjin about the scene.

The spotlight was hot on his skin and Jaebum feels like he was being cooked or burned, probably both. But Jinyoung was worse, the staff couldn’t even fan him because his fever still hasn’t broke. Jackson was out to buy more medicine appropriate for him while Mark was standing by the bed, dabbing a towel to clean the sweat off.

“Okay. Jaebum hyung, come here please.” Bambam called, snapping Jaebum out of his thoughts.

Jaebum hopes that for the sake of Jinyoung remaining alive that they would finish soon enough.

 

The next day Jinyoung was alive again, or well enough to shoot the scenes where he and Jaebum fight by the door. Jaebum can see the way Jinyoung’s shoulders are sagged and how he still shivers from time to time.

“Is he really okay, Jackson?” Jaebum heard Mark ask just as he was having a re-touch of his make-up. Totally not curious as to how Jinyoung was, he tried not to be obvious as he leaned over and listened.

“Not really. He slept the whole of last night and his fever broke at around 4AM, but we can’t put off this shooting.” Jackson answered and Jaebum wonders how Jinyoung’s manager looked like. Did he stay up the whole night watching over his charge?

“Does he need anymore medicine? I can run over and buy some, you look like you need sleep, man.” Mark sounded concerned, which is something new because Mark doesn’t usually like speaking and therefore no one knows of what he feels.

“Nah, he just need a lot of water. Mind being the one to hand him over a bottle every break? I think I’ll go nap a little until they finish shooting this apartment scene.” Jackson yawned in between  _ go  _ and  _ nap _ , actually sounding really tired.

“Go ahead, man. Sleep it off. I’ll call you if they need anything alright?”

“Make sure Jinyoung doesn’t die.” Was all Jackson said before Jaebum saw him from the corner of his eye, walking past him and was yawning and stretching his arms above him.

It was when Jackson was finally out of sight that Jaebum finally faced front and saw Jimin staring at him. Well so much for trying not to be too obvious because he was pretty sure that gave him away.

“What?” Jaebum asked, hoping his nonchalance would translate to Jimin not mentioning anything. But of course, he would never understand how girls work.

“If I didn’t know any better, I would think you have a crush on Jackson oppa.” Jimin remarked, an untrustworthy smile gracing her lips. “But since I know better, I wouldn’t say anything.”

“First of all, I don’t know what you think  _ but _ ,” Jaebum coughed, “I wouldn’t like Jackson anyway since I’m  _ straight _ .”

This had Jimin, who was smoothing out the lapels of his outfit for that day, to pause at what she was doing to give him a  _ look _ . It wasn’t just any kind of look that Jimin (and Dahyun, really) seems to throw off at people everyday. No, it was a totally judging  _ look  _ that has Jaebum almost wanting to take back whatever he had said.

“Will you  _ please  _ stop looking at me as if I grew another head, Jimin-ah?” Jaebum saw Bambam about to call for the shoot and he hopes it would get faster so that he can run away from this conversation that was about to get awkward. Jaebum and awkward really doesn’t go together, not really.

“You, oppa…” Jimin just shook her head before patting his shoulders to let him know he was good to go. “I won’t say anything anymore because I know how hard it is for you guys.”

Jaebum was about to ask her what she meant when Bambam finally called for the shoot to start and all the staff was picking up their things to get out of the way. Jimin grabbed her bag from the floor and gave Jaebum one last pitying look before going away from the door, immediately grabbing Dahyun’s arm to whisper something to her.

_ Girls,  _ Jaebum shook his head as he recounted in his head his lines.

 

Youngjae arrived in the shooting place at the start of lunch time. Everyone was excited to see him, hugs here and there and even selcas with people who has guts to ask. Jaebum watched at the sidelines proudly as his teammate and closest friend charm everyone in the building.

“Hey, Jaebum hyung!” Youngjae finally greets him when he finished having a group photo taken with the camera men that asked for one. He immediately bounded off to where Jaebum was, bumping their hips together. “Missed me, hyung?”

Jaebum laughed before reaching over to ruffle Youngjae’s hair. “Not at all, you monster. Why are you even making a ruckus here? Look at how everyone is staring at you like you’re the only idol in the vicinity.” he doesn’t mean it, doesn’t really mind that everyone stopped making a big deal of his presence.

Youngjae just pouts at him, though.

“Okay, yeah. I missed you too.” Jaebum gave Youngjae a quick hug that the younger boy eagerly returned, even squeezing him hard. “So? What brings you here again? You know I’ll be coming back with you tonight, right? Change of schedule for next week’s shooting and all that.”

But now that the hug was done and Youngjae had finished fishing for an  _ I missed you too _ , Jaebum knew what was coming next. Seunghoon hyung  _ had  _ warned him of this, told him through text what to expect and it’s totally not his fault that he’s trying to avoid it at all costs. He wasn’t sure he was ready for that yet.

“Where’s Jinyoung hyung? I want to give him a cup of coffee we bought on the way here.” Youngjae looked around, hoping to catch the actor he was just hoping to see.

“Jinyoung’s in his tent probably eating whatever food Jackson bought him.” Jaebum saw Youngjae’s eyebrow knot together in confusion and he knew what the boy was wondering before he even asked. “He had a fever yesterday so he’s not allowed to eat anything heavy yet. I think they bought him soup.”

There was an  _ ah  _ of understanding from Youngjae before the boy turned his back to him and ran towards Seunghoon. Jaebum watched Youngjae and their manager talk and soon Seunghoon hyung brought out two cups of coffee to hand over to Youngjae. So Youngjae was serious, he really did buy Jinyoung coffee.

“I bought you and Jinyoung hyung coffee.” Youngjae raised the two cups when he arrived in front of Jaebum again. “Will you come with me to give it to him? Please?”

Jaebum raised an eyebrow. “Uh, why do I need to come with you? His tent is still in the same place the last time you visited, Youngjae-ah. Did you forget already?”

The pout on Youngjae’s face is the one that Jaebum loathes, because it was the pout that has Jaebum agreeing to anything the other boy proposes. Seriously, that pout should be outlawed. It’s unfair for people to end up doing something out of their own accord just because of a bloody pout.

(Jaebum refuses to admit he was just weak for Youngjae. The boy is too much like the little brother he wished he never had.)

“Fine, fine. I’ll come with you.” Jaebum stopped Youngjae’s cheering before the boy could actually squeal. “But before anything, give me my cup now. I need a drink and that better be Iced Americano or I am disowning you, Choi Youngjae.”

“Well, luckily for both of us…” Youngjae took the cup and handed it over to Jaebum. “It’s Iced Americano, only my favorite for my favorite hyung.”

Jaebum took a sip and had to stop himself from grinning at the taste of real coffee on his tongue. As much as he loved the coffee here, nothing tops the Iced Americano from Cafe Bene. Then he realized what Youngjae had said and had to look up.

“When you say  _ favorite hyung  _ were you pertaining to me or to Jinyoung?” he asked, taking another sip and not caring for anything in the world because he has coffee. Who cares about anything else when you have coffee, right?

Youngjae smiles winningly at him again and that was all the answer he needed.

 

Jinyoung was so pleased to see Youngjae. Or he was pleased to see the coffee. Jaebum wasn’t sure, but Jinyoung was definitely pleased at one or the other, probably even both.

“Hyung, how are you?” Youngjae had asked the moment Jinyoung had him sit down beside him on the couch. “I heard from Jaebum hyung that you had a fever yesterday. Are you okay now? Do you want me to sing you to sleep?”

Jinyoung looked up slightly to look at Jaebum, but then turned to Youngjae again with a huge smile. “No, it’s alright. I’m good and I feel better. Although I would really want real food after all the soup that Jackson had been feeding me.” he ignores the complain from Jackson who was sleeping on the chair, but was obviously not if he heard what Jinyoung had said.

“Oh! How about you get dinner with us on Sunday then, hyung?” Youngjae bounced excitedly and Jaebum’s eyes widened when he realized what the boy was suggesting. “You and Jackson hyung can come with us! Jaebum hyung and Seunghoon hyung wouldn’t mind, right?”

“No, I don’t mind.” Jaebum had accidentally let it slip up. He hates it when Youngjae puts him on the spot, the boy knew he ends up agreeing when he does this. But it was too late to back out. “I’m sure Seunghoon hyung wouldn’t mind either. Plus Bambam would probably like the publicity too.”

“Not interested in publicity.” Youngjae immediately says, turning to look at Jinyoung again. “Please, hyung? We can eat proper  _ meat  _ and other things you want. Then when Jaebum hyung has to go away for his shooting, you and I can get coffee! Please, hyung?”

Jinyoung smiles at him brightly, looking at Jackson who just shrugged as if to say he doesn’t mind. “Yeah, sure. Dinner on Sunday.” he answers and almost falls off the couch when Youngjae got up to give him a hug. “Hey, hey. Someone’s excited, I see.”

“I am, hyung! We’ll have the best dinner ever!” Youngjae grins then suddenly thought of something, “Do you want to come watch the concert too? Pretty sure we could get you in still. I think Seunghoon hyung still has a couple of tickets he was going to give away to some people or another.”

Jaebum doesn’t think that was a great idea. Dinner with them could be partially private, barring the reporters that might stalk the outside of the restaurant. But in a public setting, with thousand of cameras? He doesn’t think that would be a great idea. He was just about to let this information known, about to decline the offer Youngjae just made when--

“Sure!” Jinyoung actually looked excited at this. “I’ve always wanted to come see a live performance!”

“Well then, that settles it.” Youngjae grins back and then turns around to give Jaebum a wink.

Jaebum can already feel the disaster settling in.

 

Seunghoon, of course, has extra tickets with him and excitedly handed them over to Jackson and Jinyoung. He was pleased with Youngjae’s invite, but hoped he would be informed of them next time prior to inviting someone.

Bambam was also definitely pleased. He was hoping people could get a photo of Jaebum together, talking. Youngjae said he could make that happen and the two ended up discussing JB and Junior’s relationship.

By the time he and Youngjae were bidding goodbye to the staff as he slides inside their van, he knew he was on the losing side. He was probably the only one who knew how much of a bad idea this was. Other than the fact that the media was going to have a field day, he and Jinyoung don’t even  _ speak  _ to each other and they were bound to find that out. 

“Why are you sighing so much to yourself, hyung?” Youngjae asked, looking suspiciously drowsy as he squinted at Jaebum in the dark. He had stayed up discussing things with Jae who, it turns out, acts as Bambam’s Assistant Director more often than not.

“Do you think inviting Jinyoung and Jackson to the performance is a great idea?” Jaebum asked softly, hoping the music their manager has playing on the background would drown out the question.

“‘Course it is. Why wouldn’t it be, hyung?” Youngjae asked and Jaebum could tell that he seriously meant that. He seriously has no idea what could go wrong with this little plan of his. Jaebum sometimes wishes he can live life the way Youngjae does.

Jaebum shook his head and realized that Youngjae couldn’t see him clearly so he said, “It’s nothing. Go get a few sleep, you’ll need it tomorrow. We have a routine to practice.” He should, too.

Youngjae whined, but followed his words and turned around to cuddle to sleep. It’ll be an hour before they reach Seoul and be able to sleep on their own beds, but a nap on the car is just as good when you need it. It took a few minutes before Jaebum was finally able to sleep, his mind clear of all worries what this Sunday could mean.

 

> **_CHAPTER 9: Does This Change Anything?_ **
> 
> _ Junior hates it. _
> 
> _ Junior hates staying up late at night, wondering if  _ it  _ would change anything. Hates how his heart hammers in his chest just at the thought of  _ it  _ changing anything, whether it be for good or for worse.  _
> 
> _ Junior hates how he breaks into nerves at all the possibilities flashing in his mind. Hates how he feels excited at the thought that maybe, just maybe  _ it  _ could happen again and there would be happiness following it. But he also hates how maybe, just maybe  _ it  _ had ruined everything between them and everything would end just like this. _
> 
> _ Junior hates how he’s analyzing everything. Hates how he’s replaying every conversation to see if there was a clue. Hates how he’s trying to remember how everything feels before and after  _ it  _ happened. _
> 
> _ Junior hates how when he finally fell asleep it was to the thought of  _ it  _ becoming his happiness. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ “Fucking--” Junior almost throws his phone to the wall, irritated how it interrupted his finally peaceful sleep. But in the middle of his arms raised to throw away the offending device, he saw why it was ringing. Rather, who was calling to make it ring. Suddenly, he was awake and sitting on his bed, answering the call at the ungodly hour of 8:24AM. “Hello?” Junior hates how he sounds scared. _
> 
> _ “Good morning.” Two words. Too short to explain anything about what had happened last night. _
> 
> _ “Morning.” Junior ended up grumbling, sliding down the bed and back to his earlier position curled up with his knees pushed to his chest. He feels safer this way, although uncomfortable for his back. _
> 
> _ “I’m picking you up in 20 minutes. We’re going on a picnic.” JB actually sounded proud of his horrible idea that Junior couldn’t help snorting. “What? Are you making fun of me right now? What’s wrong with a picnic?” _
> 
> _ “It’s not even 9AM and you want to go on a picnic?” Junior looked out the window and saw the sunlight streaming through his blinds. Autumn weather was not something he appreciated. “For breakfast?” _
> 
> _ “Sure. Why not?” JB sounded petulant and Junior hates how his resolve is crumbling. _
> 
> _ Deciding to change tactic, he asked, “What if I had plans today?” He didn’t have any. _
> 
> _ “Then I would offer to bring you the food to wherever you’ll be going.” JB paused then continued, “Did you have any plans today?” _
> 
> _ Junior wishes he had. Junior should have, he should be looking for a proper job instead of wallowing in self-pity at how failed of an artist he is. He should be calling is best friend from wherever he was in Hong Kong, catching up with him. But he isn’t, instead he’s going to places with a man he doesn’t actually know. _
> 
> _ Taking his silence as the answer he needed.  “I’ll be there in 20.” _
> 
> _ Junior wanted to say something, maybe make up a pathetic excuse that he was meeting someone, but the line had already went dead. Admitting defeat, he slowly uncurled and sat up, stretching his back and his arms. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ JB arrived 25 minutes after and Junior went down to him a little minute after that. JB looked like he wanted to say something about being late, but the glare Junior sent his way tells him it probably won’t be appreciated so he just shut up. _
> 
> _ Instead, JB eyed the collared sleeves and slacks Junior was wearing. He distinctly remembers telling the other to dress for a nice time outside. “Why are you dressed…?” JB couldn’t think of a word to use. As if he was going to work? Heading off to a reunion? About to get on an interview? He didn’t want to offend Junior. _
> 
> _ But, judging by the pursued lips and knotted eyebrows, Junior was already offended. _
> 
> _ “I didn’t mean it in a--” _
> 
> _ Damage has been made, however, as Junior started walking ahead of him. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ Junior was in a better mood during the picnic. JB had chosen a place near Han River that wasn’t swarming with people. Then again, a breakfast picnic during a work day obviously equates to not a lot of people out. _
> 
> _ JB had brought with him a cloth to sit under and the food he had ordered this morning. Junior raised an eyebrow at the 4 boxes of chicken, but didn’t say anything else. Instead, the two of them indulged in eating all the food laid out and stayed in silence the whole time.  _
> 
> _ Everything was peaceful and felt comfortable. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ Junior hates it. _
> 
> _ The morning was going well… or as well as it could be, seeing as JB had insulted his choice of clothes. It wasn’t Junior’s fault that JB couldn’t appreciate good style when he sees it, seeing as the other man just keeps on wearing black from his inner clothes to his coat even in the middle of Autumn. _
> 
> _ Food was great, anything that JB chooses has always been great. The man has a thing for really great tasting food and even though Junior doesn’t trust him completely, he trusts him with his meal choices. He still hasn’t forgotten how great that food stall was, the one they visited before. _
> 
> _ The breeze wasn’t too cold yet because it wasn’t noon, plus there was a shade from the tree that covers their place. The silence was comforting, easier than dealing with what had happened last night. _
> 
> _ And then, suddenly, everything wasn’t. _
> 
> _ It came from one phone call, JB having forgotten to silence his phone before the meal started. Junior thought the other male would just ignore it, maybe disregard the call or even turn off his phone. But to his surprise, JB actually answered the call after seeing the name that Junior wasn’t able to peak at. _
> 
> _ “What’s wrong?” JB’s voice was hardened, not the usual greeting he throws on Junior’s way. _
> 
> _ The answer was muffled, JB even going as far as to turn to the side so Junior doesn’t have any access to the conversation he was having. This pissed off Junior, not a fan of being ignored during meals even if they weren’t even having a conversation. Manners and all that. _
> 
> _ “Are you kidding me?” JB sounded mad now, not something Junior is also aware of. But the man’s back was tense and he could see his hand clutching his phone tighter. “Okay. I’ll be there soon. Make sure you know what to do.” _
> 
> _ Junior didn’t even avert his eyes and pretend he wasn’t listening, instead he continued staring and wondered what JB would do if he found him like that. But JB wouldn’t meet his eyes, the man immediately pocketing his phone and standing up. _
> 
> _ “I have to go.” JB still wasn’t looking at him, eyes already trained on the road behind them. “You can keep all the food. I’ll call you later, alright?” _
> 
> _ Junior wasn’t even given a chance to respond, wasn’t even given a chance to feel hurt. Because soon JB was jogging towards the road and flagging a taxi before getting on it immediately. Soon, Junior was all alone on a picnic cloth with too much food around him. _
> 
> _ Junior hates it. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ When Junior gets up to go home, he realized he forgot to bring his wallet and was forced to get home by foot. He was pretty sure he had cursed JB a million ways in his mind, anger and disappointment mixing in his head that he doesn’t even know what was what. All he wanted to do was to throw away everything and lie down on the bed. _
> 
> _ That was the first thing he did, kicking his shoes to who knows where before falling face first to his bed. He doesn’t even care that he feels horrible, sweat still clinging to his skin and probably his bed sheets now. _
> 
> _ There was 6 missed calls from JB on his phone and 12 unread messages from the male, as well. Junior hasn’t answered anything and probably wouldn’t answer them anytime soon. JB knew where he lived, if he wanted to talk to him, he could come here himself. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ Junior woke up to a banging on his door and sunlight on his eyes. _
> 
> _ “Damnit.” he must’ve forgotten to shut down his binds before he slept. Standing up, he felt pain shooting his back at what must have been a poor position when he went to bed. But other than that, he felt extremely dirty. _
> 
> _ One look in the mirror and his questions were answered. The memory of yesterday were also played in fast forward as his feet ached. Now he knows who is banging on his door at 7:45AM. _
> 
> _ “Why is he awake so early everyday?” Junior mumbles to himself as he enters his bathroom and shuts the door, hoping it would drown the banging. It didn’t, but now it was muffled and wasn’t as distracting. So he goes to brush his teeth and washes his face, glad for the water running to completely drown out all sounds outside. _
> 
> _ Feeling completely better, Junior exists his bathroom to hear more banging. It was lucky no one in his floor cares about each other’s business and he wouldn’t receive a noise complaint (yet, he reminds himself) because if JB had been banging before Junior woke up then it must be close to an hour now. _
> 
> _ Grabbing a cup of coffee, Junior stands by his door and calls out. _
> 
> _ “Will you  _ stop _?” He knew he was heard because the banging immediately stopped. _
> 
> _ “Why aren’t you answering my calls?” The answer was muffled, but it was pretty clear to Junior as he takes a sip of his coffee. _
> 
> _ “Didn’t feel like it.” Junior winced when his feet throbbed and his leg twitched. Walking that far wasn’t something he did normally, not even exercise a little. He was suffering for everything he did yesterday now. _
> 
> _ “Why not?” JB asked again, sounding impatient. _
> 
> _ Junior hates that his leg actually  _ fucking  _ hurts right now. “Just. Leave. I’ll even call you later.” he doesn’t care that he sounds demanding and shitty. He really can’t deal with everything right now. But of course,  _ of course  _ JB never listens to him. _
> 
> _ “What’s wrong? Why do you sound hurt?” The impatient tone from earlier had vanished and he sounded concerned now. He probably thinks Junior is off planning to kill himself again. Well, not today at least and definitely not his fault. _
> 
> _ “Nothing. Just. Go. I can’t deal with you right now.” Junior had to put down his mug on the floor and sat down to massage his throbbing leg, hissing at the pain. He hadn’t pulled a muscle, at least. _
> 
> _ JB didn’t answer for a few minutes and Junior thought the man had left, finally. But then there was shuffling in front of his door and suddenly it clicked open. _
> 
> _ “What the--” _

 

“Choi Youngjae! Practice!” Jaebum called from outside the bathroom door that Youngjae had locked himself in. The footsteps disappearing as fast as they came, leaving the company bathroom to be quiet again.

Youngjae debated with himself if reading a few more lines wouldn’t hurt, but he finally closes the book and gets up. Jaebum hyung would have his head if they mess up anything during their 5 song performance tomorrow. He exits the bathroom and was glad no one was there to see him leave then rejoins the human world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments from the last chapter. Comments on this chapter would be very much appreciated too!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written with [Night Changes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syFZfO_wfMQ) as background music.

Practice was exhausting, as always. Jaebum wouldn’t take any breaks until they had perfected everything and their dance instructor was only too happy to help.

By the time their instructor called for a lunch break, Youngjae’s bones and muscles feels like they’ve been overworked and he just wants to lie down and maybe sleep. So he lies down on the dance floor and closes his eyes which is probably the next best thing. He ends up opening them a second later when Jaebum threw a towel on his face that he had to sit up and pout at him.

“Stop pouting.” Jaebum just said, sliding a cold bottle of water to his direction. “Seunghoon hyung went out to buy chicken. Did you want anything else?”

Youngjae pondered for a second. “Can he get us some ice cream?” he asked.

“No.” Jaebum sat down on the floor beside him, “You can get ice cream  _ after  _ the performance. Now get some rest before hyung gets here then we eat, rest and then we have to practice the vocals.”

Lying down again, Youngjae wonders if he could sneak in a few pages of reading before their manager comes in with the food. Vocal practice is bound to last until this evening. After that they’d probably have fitting for their stage clothes. Would he have time to read before bed tonight?

As if Jaebum could hear his thoughts or because Youngjae was just too obvious, his hyung said, “Stop thinking about the book and concentrate on tomorrow’s performance, Youngjae-ah.” He patted Youngjae’s thighs before sliding down to lie his head on it.

“It’s not just a  _ book _ , hyung. It’s  _ Definite Soul _ .” Youngjae actually sounded hurt and Jaebum wonders how much the boy will hate him if he finds out he had already said no to the kiss. That they were planning to change the plot so that the kiss wouldn’t need to happen. That before, all their conversations about the possibility of it weren’t just  _ possibilities  _ anymore. He would probably fry Jaebum alive.

“Who do you like better, Junior or JB?” Jaebum asked, making himself comfortable on Youngjae’s lap. The ceiling looked too high and Jaebum was suddenly reminded of all those time as trainees that he stared at the ceiling, wondering if he would ever see anything beyond it. When their biggest problem was their impending debut, if they would  _ ever  _ actually debut.

“Junior, of course!” Youngjae answered without missing a beat.

It was Jaebum’s turn to pout. “Wow, I can’t believe how unloyal you are, Choi Youngjae. Your hyung plays JB and you chose Junior.” He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but Jaebum would probably also choose Junior. Although right now he’s not so sure if he likes Junior or if he likes the one--No. He won’t go there. Too early.

Luckily, Jaebum’s thoughts had to be put on pause as Seunghoon hyung arrived with 2 whole boxes of chicken, 2 bowls of jjajjangmyun and a roll of bibimbap. The both of them immediately crowded on the food, chopsticks fighting for a bibimbap that earned a chuckle from their manager.

“I gotta leave you two to it. They’re serving curry in the cafeteria.” Seunghoon bid them a goodbye, reminding them not to kill each other over the last piece of chicken and to drink lots of water after. Then their manager was out of the room, probably rushing to the cafeteria hoping to get the biggest bowl of curry.

“Seunghoon hyung is such a slave over curry.” Youngjae remarked, mouth already full of jjajjangmyun. Jaebum gave him a disgusted look so he immediately swallowed it down and grinned at his hyung.

“Can you finish eating before talking?” Jaebum asked, but he was already munching on a piece of chicken.

When they’re both like this, sweaty and in their rattiest piece of clothing while sitting on the probably dirty floor of their practice room, Jaebum feels like he could pretend everything was fine. That everything would be  _ fine _ .

 

Youngjae wasn’t able to read during lunch because Jaebum kept talking to him under the excuse that he missed the boy. He knew that wasn’t true because they have been separated longer, back when Jaebum had to film in Jeju for 2 weeks while Youngjae was left in Seoul to attend radio shows.Still, he entertained his hyung and engaged him in the conversation.

After that they went for their vocal practice, happy that their instructor praised Youngjae for continuing his exercises even during breaks. They managed to hit the right notes and this pleased their instructor, letting them off early with only a reminder to warm up tomorrow before their performance.

Sadly, one of their hoobaes found them and asked to have an interview for their live show so Youngjae and Jaebum both put on smiles and greeted the camera. By the time the short featuring was done, their stylist was calling them to try on their stage outfits.

Then after that was one last dance practice and stage spotting until almost 1AM.

By the time they’re crawling to bed at 2:04AM, Youngjae’s eyes wouldn’t open anymore and he decided that reading can wait until tomorrow. So he throws his blanket over his body, snuggles to his pillow and drifts off to sleep.

 

“Youngjae? Youngjae? Wake up. Youngjae! Youngjae!”

In his sleep, Youngjae can hear Seunghoon hyung’s voice calling for him and a hand on his shoulders shaking him awake. But he couldn’t open his eyes, couldn’t make his brain work enough for him to face the world yet so he continues snuggling to his pillow, sleep taking over again.

The next time Youngjae wakes up, it was to Jaebum’s hand on his back and him already sitting up on the bed. Sunshine was passing through his window and he finally comes to his senses as he was being ushered to stand up and take a shower.

“Hurry up, Youngjae. We still have to get our make-up and hair done. Then the rehearsal too.” Jaebum reminds him, handing over a towel before pushing him inside the shower and the door clicking behind him.

 

> **_CHAPTER 10: Let Me In_ **
> 
> _ Junior was scared to let JB in. _
> 
> _ Letting JB inside his apartment again meant accepting the fact that JB will know Junior better than Junior knows JB. It was scary, it was a thought he was hiding behind the pain of walking all over Seoul yesterday. He was hoping to prolong the waiting, maybe let JB come back the next day. _
> 
> _ But of course, everything was suddenly out of his hands as the door opens to a JB looking worriedly at him. Then he realized why, with Junior massaging his cramping leg and pain obvious on his face. _
> 
> _ “What do you want?” Junior demanded and then added, “Get out of my house.” _
> 
> _ “What happened? What’s wrong with you?” JB was at his side immediately helping him stretch his legs, massaging the protesting muscles until Junior doesn’t have that permanent scowl on his face from the pain. He looked panicked and hurt as if  _ he  _ was the one suffering when JB was the one that inflicted this. _
> 
> _ “Get off!” Jinyoung pushed him away, suddenly angry at JB but more angry at himself. “I’m fine. Now get out.” He wished he could sound demanding, look the part even. But how could he when he’s sprawled on the floor, clutching his leg in obvious pain and discomfort? _
> 
> _ “Junior--” JB watched him crawl out of the doorway and to the living room, climbing up the couch. _
> 
> _ Junior couldn’t see JB’s face, but he knew the other had watched him look extremely pathetic. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t want to see JB and he wishes the other boy could grant him that, but maybe that was too much to ask. _
> 
> _ “I’m going to call the ambulance if you don’t tell me why you’re hurt.” JB’s voice was hard and Junior’s head snapped up to glare at him, ready to fight. “Stop staring at me. Looks can’t kill, Junior. I would know.” _
> 
> _ Junior didn’t understand what JB meant, but he didn’t want to let the man distract him from what he was saying. “Get the hell out of my house. I walked from Han River back here yesterday. WHY?” he didn’t know he was almost screaming by now, didn’t know he was truly really angry. He doesn’t even know  _ why  _ he was angry now. For yesterday? For JB waking him up? For JB opening his door without his agreement? For JB barging in his life so suddenly? _
> 
> _ But all JB could say was, “Fuck.” _
> 
> _ Junior glared, not understanding why JB is the one cursing when he’s the one with so much bottled up feelings. “Yes. Fuck. Now--” _
> 
> _ “Why didn’t you tell me you had no money with you yesterday?” JB asked, now looking hurt as he sits beside Junior on the couch. “I brought you there, you should’ve--” _
> 
> _ “You ran away. Don’t you remember?” Junior didn’t mean to sound demanding. Or hurt. But he was and maybe he shouldn’t do these things in the future, admit his feelings. Because he feels vulnerable and he hates it. _
> 
> _ JB must’ve realized what Junior had meant, because his eyes widened and he actually looked guilty. “I’m sorry I didn’t--” _
> 
> _ “No.” Junior didn’t want to hear it.  “Don’t say anything.” _
> 
> _ JB looked ready to fight for it, “But--” _
> 
> _ “Please don’t say anything about it. PLEASE.” Junior wasn’t sure he was ready to hear it. Because as he sits here on the couch, leg still throbbing and JB sitting beside him… he remembers what had happened the other night. He remembers how it had been forgotten. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ JB had left as quickly as he had come. _
> 
> _ “I’ll come back later.” he places his phone back in his pocket, a panicked look on his face as he stands up and runs by the door. _
> 
> _ Junior doesn’t believe him. _
> 
> _ “If you don’t open up for me. I’ll break in again.” JB reminds him. _
> 
> _ Junior doesn’t really care. He doesn’t know what _

 

“2JAE YOU”RE UP NEXT SOON! TO THE BACK STAGE NOW PLEASE!” A harried PA wearing a huge headphone on her head and was clutching on the microphone attached announced before immediately leaving their dressing room, expecting them to follow.

Jaebum, who was all ready to perform, just handed his phone to Seunghoon who was standing by the side. Youngjae had to hurriedly bookmark his progress on the book before handing his phone to their manager as well.

Soon, they were walking towards the backstage of the concert venue. As soon as the staffs saw them, they immediately proceeded to check for their microphones. It will take a few more minutes before they actually get on stage, but the two of them set out to warm up their vocals and stretch their bodies at the side.

“Ready for today, Youngjae-ah?” Jaebum asked, there was only just one song from the current performer before they take over the stage.

“Always, hyung.” Youngjae answers without a beat. This was a thing they do every time they perform on stage. It’s like a reminder, of sorts. “Are  _ you  _ ready, Jaebum hyung?” he doesn’t forget his line.

Jaebum smiles, that cheeky smile that has their fans going crazy. “Never been better.”

When they climb up the stairs and the opening of their debut song  _ Forever Young  _ played, Youngjae knew they would be alright. Even better, they would be  _ amazing _ .

“Introducing the hottest idol duo, 2JAE!”

 

Jaebum gives it his all, performing with perfection throughout the first 3 songs. But it was during the 4th that he saw  _ him _ . Jinyoung and Jackson were near the front, surrounded by different other artists here to watch the performance. Their head was bopping to the music, but Jinyoung was carrying a banner for Youngjae and it irritated him for a few seconds.

Before they performed their 5th and last song, the music stopped to let them talk to their fans a little. Jaebum did the greeting, but he immediately went to grab a bottle of water so Youngjae was left to speak first.

“Are you enjoying everyone?” Youngjae had screamed in his usual chirpy voice. The crowd screamed and he took that as a yes and cheered. “Thank you all for coming! To all our lovely fans…” he winked and the girls went crazy.

“Stop killing your fans.” Jaebum finally grabbed his microphone to talk again. “Thank you everyone for coming. I hope you enjoy our last song!”

“Wait!” Youngjae signalled to the sounds not to play the song yet, “I want to thank Jinyoung hyung and Jackson hyung for coming!” he waved to where they were sitting and the two waved back at him. “I hope you’re enjoying our show too!”

Jaebum was about to say something too, maybe thank them as well, but the music blared from the speakers and it was his part. So he sang and drowned everything else with music.

 

“Did you see, hyung? What do you think of our performance?” Youngjae drilled Jinyoung and Jackson before they were even able to sit down on the table. The boy was bouncing on his seat, the adrenaline of performing live still not washing off.

“Let them breathe.” Seunghoon hyung chuckled.

Jinyoung and Jackson sat across them on the table so Jaebum has Jackson in front of him while Youngjae has Jinyoung. Seunghoon was on another table, but he visited theirs to greet the two new arrivals and was now walking back to his.

“Did you rent the whole place?” Jackson asked, looking around only to see numerous people that were most definitely staff. He looked awed and Jaebum has to stop the urge to smirk because that would most definitely be misinterpreted.

Ignoring his manager’s words, Jinyoung faced Youngjae and said, “You were amazing, Youngjae-ah!” He truly and honestly looked awed. “I admit I haven’t listened to any of your songs, but I will download them later. I promise.”

“Legally!” Jackson piped in.

“Thank you, hyungs!” Youngjae’s voice was loud, but since it was a busy restaurant, Jaebum doesn’t scold him for it. He leaves the three of them to carry a conversation regarding the performance while he goes through the menu, looking for what he wanted to eat.

If there was something besides singing and acting that Jaebum took seriously, it was his food.

Busy reading the ingredients for a really complicated French soup, Jaebum doesn’t even hear Youngjae calling his name until there was a hand on his arm. Surprised, he looks up to find all three of them looking at him, each with different expressions.

“Huh? I’m sorry. What did I miss?” he asked, putting down the menu.

“Are you okay, hyung? You zoned out there for a few minutes…” Youngjae looked worried.

“I was just reading the menu.” Jaebum raised the menu to emphasize his answer. “Have you guys decided on what you’re eating?”

Jinyoung was just staring at him, face vacant of any expression. Youngjae still looked worried, probably already trying to think of ways to get him to rest. So it left Jackson to explain what they had talked about which turned out to be their orders.

“I was thinking 3 of their best pizza. A platter of Carbonara and a platter of Pesto. Then a basket of chicken wings and chips. For soup, we can all choose what we want.” Jackson finished, looking at Jaebum expectantly.

“That’s… good.” Jaebum calls for the waiter and Jackson relays the order once again. They chose their own soups, Jinyoung and Jackson both going for the cheese potato soup while Youngjae followed Jaebum’s crab soup.

There was silence for awhile before Jackson engaged them into another conversation that only Youngjae and Jinyoung seemed interested in. He just sits by the side and tries not to look affected.

Jaebum can already tell this dinner would be a) long and b) a disaster. The food hasn’t even arrived yet.

 

Luckily (or unluckily, seeing as he hasn’t finished his chicken yet), Bambam was true to his words and arrived on time to pick him up. Since Seunghoon hyung can’t drive him all the way to Busan, Jaebum would be riding with Bambam and Jae.

“We’ll bring him back in one piece.” Bambam promises Seunghoon when he got out of the car to greet him. The fact that he had to say this out loud worries Jaebum, but he tries not to let it show. “Is Jinyoung hyung and Jackson hyung inside?”

“Yeah, they’re still eating. They already said their goodbyes before he left.” Seunghoon nodded at Jaebum. “See you in a few days, Jaebum-ah. Don’t get  _ too  _ sunburned, you’re still an idol. Don’t forget.”

“Yes, hyung. As if I could,” Jaebum had read the script numerous of times this morning and there was no mention of him having to stay under the sun for minutes at a time. But who knows what can happen, he brought sunscreen just in case.

“Let’s go, Jaebum hyung!”

Soon Jaebum was in the backseat, sitting with his baggage because the trunk was full with Bambam’s and Jae’s bags already. It was a little cramped, his legs too long and was aching a little already. But it was a small sacrifice to pay, he’d live.

 

> **_CHAPTER 11: I’ll Make You Remember_ **
> 
> _ Junior is so tired of it. _
> 
> _ “Why do you look so mad all the time?” JB asked, handing him one of the cheese sticks he had brought him with on his way to Junior’s apartment. Then he plops down on Junior’s couch, bouncing slightly. _
> 
> _ Junior stared at the cheese stick as if it had done him wrong. _
> 
> _ “Come on, it tastes good.” JB urged, already munching on one. _
> 
> _ It’s been a week. A week since  _ it  _ happened, six days since he had walked all over Seoul and five days since JB barged inside his apartment unwelcome. Junior’s doesn’t want to count, but he can’t help it. _
> 
> _ “Are you not going to eat that?” Not able to read the mood, JB asks again. _
> 
> _ Junior saw JB looking at the cheese stick on his hand and the way that JB licks his lips, wanting more of it. Blinded by anger and impatience, Junior took a bite of the cheese stick and was actually impressed that it tastes really great. _
> 
> _ But JB was still looking and Junior was still angry. Without planning it, without actually thinking it through. Junior just goes for  _ it _. _
> 
> _ Biting the end of the cheese stick, Junior faces JB who looked a little confused. Before JB could move away and before Junior could come to his senses, he grabs the other’s neck and forces their faces close together.  _
> 
> _ They were so close, Junior could count the number of eyelashes on JB’s eyes. He could feel the way JB breathes through his mouth. He could see the hesitation and confusion before something clicks in the man’s eyes and he bites the other end of the cheese stick. It was a dare, a challenge. Junior wasn’t one to back down. _
> 
> _ JB doesn’t move, but Junior does. In one swift bite, Junior had demolished thirds of the cheese stick with only the fourth inside JB’s mouth. Junior moved back a little, chewing what was inside his mouth and JB does the same. For a minute the two of them chewed, but their eyes were locked with each other and the grasp Junior has on JB’s neck was still firm. _
> 
> _ JB opened his mouth to say, “So what do you--” _
> 
> _ But Junior had beat him to it, already leaning over and covering JB’s mouth with his. JB’s next words were muffled with the kiss and he couldn’t even push away with Junior’s right hand on his nape holding him close. _
> 
> _ Junior couldn’t stop, didn’t really want to stop. Because JB’s mouth was hot and slick against his, he tasted of cheese and coffee. JB’s hand was on his chest, he had no idea if he was pushing him away or not, but Junior didn’t want to let go. So with his left hand he cups JB’s chin towards him  _

 

“What did I say about reading late?”

Youngjae winces, head almost snapping up when he heard the voice. He rubbed the back of his head and pouted at his hyung, hoping that he’d take pity on him and let him finish reading this chapter. “I’m so sorry, hyung,” he start off with an apology, “But I’m at the good part! Junior kissed JB and--” his eyes widened.

“What? Can you finish your sentences?” Seunghoon looked at the wall clock on his right. “It’s 2:24AM, Youngjae. Just because you have no schedule later doesn’t mean you can stay up until who knows when.”

Instead of answering, Youngjae crawled to the edge of the bed to look at Seunghoon with big puppy dog eyes. “H-hyung… Seunghoon hyung…” he kneeled by the edge of the bed, looking the perfect image of innocence and purity all at once.

This was when it clicked to Seunghoon, realizing what Youngjae would be getting at and what it would mean. “Erm. I need to go. But hand over your phone and the book so you won’t stay up more.” he reached for his hand, hoping Youngjae would just let go and follow for once.

“But hyung… Jaebum hyung and Jinyoung hyung…” Youngjae pouted some more and Seunghoon hates how he’s so weak to this. “When will they shoot the kissing scene? Can  _ I  _ come, please?”

“Youngjae, can we talk about this later? When we’re both rested?” Seunghoon asked, trying to think of a way to say  _ sorry kid but they’re not even going to film a kissing scene because Jaebum is an idol and that would ruin his image  _ without hurting Youngjae. “Come on, hand it over Youngjae-ah.”

Crawling, Youngjae went back to retrieve his phone and the book. Then he crawled back to the edge of the bed to hand it over to Seunghoon and pout some more. “Hyung? Please? Will they let me come watch? I promise I’ll be good.”

“Youngjae…” Seunghoon feels his resolve weaken and he knew it was time to go. Later, later he’ll tell Youngjae. Youngjae won’t like the news but he’d tell him. Just not now. Later. “Goodnight for now.”

Turning off the lights before Youngjae could protest, he leaves the room and walks back to his own. He places the book and Youngjae’s phone on his bedside table then grabs his own to type a message.

 

Jaebum was just about to enter his rented room when his phone buzzed. They had just arrived in Busan, ending up until early morning driving because Bambam didn’t want to continue until he has coffee in his system, therefore stopping to get a cup three times along the way. He took his phone out just as he enters the room, closing the door behind him.

Two messages from his manager.

> **From** : Seunghoon hyung   
>  **Message** : Youngjae’s asking about the kiss. He wants to come watch it.
> 
> **From** : Seunghoon hyung   
>  **Message** : I sent him off to bed for now. I’ll explain later and I’ll let you take the blame for it. Just a head’s up in case he sends you angry text messages later in the day.

Jaebum curses, throwing his phone to the bed as he enters the bathroom.

 

Jaebum woke up to the vibration of his phone. Judging by how short they were, most probably text messages and one after the other. Groaning, he pushes it away and tries to go back to sleep.

Seunghoon hyung must’ve broken the news to Youngjae already.

 

The next time Jaebum wakes up, it was to Yugyeom knocking on his door to inform him that they will start the rehearsal in an hour. They have food downstairs so Jaebum doesn’t have to worry. Jaebum shut the door on the younger’s face because it was honestly too early for any kind of conversation.

When Jaebum opens his phone, he wasn’t even surprised to find 12 text messages and that all of them were from Youngjae.

> **From** : Beloved Youngjae-ah ♥   
>  **Message** : HYUNG HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME ;______;
> 
> **From** : Beloved Youngjae-ah ♥   
>  **Message** : THAT KISS SCENE WAS IMPORTANT IN THE WHOLE PLOT THAT CHAPTERS 9-11 EVOLVED ON THAT SCENE
> 
> **From** : Beloved Youngjae-ah ♥   
>  **Message** : HOW CAN YOU JUST TAKE IT OUT OF THE MOVIE?!
> 
> **From** : Beloved Youngjae-ah ♥   
>  **Message** : can’t you just tell them that it’s just a kissing scene anyway? acting? they won’t care!
> 
> **From** : Beloved Youngjae-ah ♥   
>  **Message** : pretty sure your fans would also die at seeing you kiss a man i mean come on, how many fics are there about the two of us “dating”?
> 
> **From** : Beloved Youngjae-ah ♥   
>  **Message** : HYUNG PLEASE CHANGE YOUR MIND AND PUT BACK THAT KISSING SCENE PLEASE
> 
> **From** : Beloved Youngjae-ah ♥   
>  **Message** : I am going to release all the photos of you on my phone to the public if you don’t put it back :(
> 
> **From** : Beloved Youngjae-ah ♥   
>  **Message** : I trusted you.
> 
> **From** : Beloved Youngjae-ah ♥   
>  **Message** : I called Jinyoung hyung. He apologized to me about the removal of the kissing scene. My hyung, however, are ignoring all my text messages.
> 
> **From** : Beloved Youngjae-ah ♥   
>  **Message** : I am disowning you as my favorite hyung.
> 
> **From** : Beloved Youngjae-ah ♥   
>  **Message** : You better not come back to Seoul!

That was the last of it. The last having been sent a good 12 minutes ago. Does Jaebum want to reply? He was sure Youngjae must actually be hurt if he had ended up sending that many of a text message. Plus, all that capital letters.

> **To** : Beloved Youngjae-ah ♥   
>  **Message** : Please forgive this hyung. I miss you too.

Jaebum shuts down his phone and leaves his room. If Seunghoon hyung has an emergency, he’s sure his manager would call Bambam if he couldn’t contact him.

 

“FUCKING HELL PARK JINYOUNG JUST ANSWER YOUR DAMN PHONE!” Jackson screams as he opens the door of Jinyoung’s room to a loud bang. Unsurprisingly, he found the other boy asleep on the bed without even flinching no matter how loud his phone was ringing.

Stalking towards the bed, he grabbed the phone and was about to put it on silent when he saw who was calling. Jackson never knew that Jinyoung had Youngjae’s number. Grinning, he went out the room and closed the door with another bang. There was no need to be sneaky seeing as he was quite sure Jinyoung wouldn’t even wake up for the next few hours.

“Hello!” Jackson greets as he swipes the phone to answer the call.

“JINYOUNG HYUNG!” Youngjae was wailing, but then he paused as if he realized something. “Wait. This doesn’t sound like Jinyoung hyung…”

Youngjae has such great hearing, Jackson chuckles. “Your Jinyoung hyung is still asleep. This is Jackson. Did you need anything, Youngjae-ah?” he asked, sitting down on the couch with his legs crossed.

“Nothing much really…” Youngjae shuffled on the other line, “It’s just that… Jackson hyung, did you know they were cutting the kissing scene from the movie?”

Well that wasn’t something Jackson thought Youngjae would talk about early in the morning. Humming, he said, “Yeah. They already warned us that they have to edit some parts due to your Jaebum hyung being an idol.” he chuckled, remembering Jinyoung’s own reaction. “Your Jinyoung hyung got really mad because the kiss was apparently a huge part of the plot.”

“IT IS!” Youngjae screamed in agreement, obviously he had a lot of feelings regarding this issue. “I can’t believe Jaebum hyung had agreed to let them change it for  _ him _ . A book. A book with a special plot had to be changed for him!”

Jackson nodded, placing the phone a bit away from his ear. “Hey, hey. Don’t feel too bad. It’s not your hyung’s fault that idols like you guys have an image to uphold. Okay?”

“I can’t even read the next part after the kiss because Seunghoon hyung confiscated the book. He said he’ll return it to me after lunch.” Youngjae grumbles, sighing. “I’m sorry for calling so early, hyung. Can you tell Jinyoung hyung to call me when he’s available..? I don’t want to disturb you again…”

“No, no, no. It’s totally fine, Youngjae!” Jackson didn’t know how Youngjae found out, was it obvious in his voice? “Jinyoung will probably wake up in a few hours. You can try calling again, alright? Just not this early again next time.”

“Got it, hyung.” Youngjae giggled. “Talk to you next time!”

“Bye, Youngjae!”

The line went dead and Jackson placed the phone on the couch beside him. He is so excited to tell Jinyoung about this. Well, after the other boy wakes up. Which probably won’t be anytime soon, really.

 

Bambam was a slave driver. They better win an award for this movie or else all of Jaebum’s efforts would be put to waste.

“TEN MINUTE BREAK THEN WE’RE GOING TO FILM THE SHOOTING SCENE AGAIN. TOUCH UP!” Bambam announced, clapping and then going to the cameras to probably check their last cut.

Dahyun immediately came to his side to touch up his hair and make-up while Yugyeom was fanning him. Wearing a coat during Summer is literally not Jaebum’s style, he wants to sue JB right now, but the other man was just an imaginary character  _ so _ .

“Sun is too hot.” Jaebum remarked, gesturing for Yugyeom to fan harder because he feels like he’s on the verge of passing out. Yugyeom followed, doubling his efforts. Bless the kid. “Bambam is working everyone hard.”

For some reason, Yugyeom immediately piped up. “It’s not his fault. The expectation for his first formal movie is a lot. Bambam is a perfectionist and he just wants everything to go better for this movie.” he sounded both defensive and at awe, Jaebum didn’t know which.

“Uh, okay. I know.” Jaebum had researched Bambam before he even accepted the role. He glanced at where Bambam was watching the scenes, alternately watching and then writing down some notes in between. “How does he look so cool all the time when we’re all sweating here?”

Yugyeom brightened at this. “Bambam is a fashionista! He’s very good with clothes and all that.” he announced proudly, fanning even harder despite all this talk.

Jaebum hummed in agreement before catching Dahyun’s eye contact and raising an eyebrow at her. She just smiled and winked before mouthing  _ later _ . So Jaebum averted eye contact and closed his eyes so she could apply more powder.

It was going to be a long night.

 

Dahyun’s later was at 10:03PM when Bambam  _ finally  _ called to let them have dinner. They had ordered a huge meal and had distributed it one by one, allowing them to have one hour of free time before they shoot the driving scene.

Jaebum was about to ask Yugyeom if he wants to eat dinner together inside his tent, but Yugyeom had abandoned him to follow Bambam inside the Director’s tent. While he was contemplating the choice between eating alone or joining Sungjin and the others by the fire, Dahyun had called him to join her, Jimin and Jae inside the Hair & Make-Up tent.

“Hey, guys.” he greeted, placing his food on the free space besides Jae. He pulls up the chair and sits, looking around the table. They were all looking amusedly at him.

It was Jimin who broke the awkward silence first, laughing as she said, “I  _ cannot  _ believe you don’t know your very own PA is totally in love with Bambam!” she was still laughing and soon enough, Dahyun and Jae both joined her, all three of them giggling together.

Jaebum didn’t know whether to be amused at this or not. “How was I even supposed to know this?” he asked instead of remarking how stupid they all look gasping for air in between laughters.

“It’s a common knowledge between  _ everyone _ ?” Jae asked sarcastically even though his face didn’t betray him, still looking like the picture of innocence. “You should seriously stop staying inside your Park Jinyoung bubble and join the real world.”

Jaebum was about to take a sip of his soup when Jae had said this and it had caused him to look at their script writer with his eyebrows raised. But they were all just looking at him expectantly. Maybe eating alone in his tent would’ve been the better option.

“Park Jinyoung bubble?” Jaebum finally asked. Even when the actor isn’t here, he’s still being mentioned around Jaebum? Great. Youngjae will probably kill him when he gets back home because of Jinyoung too. Even better.

“Seriously. Are you  _ this  _ oblivious for real?” Jae asked, wringing his hand as if it would make Jaebum understand. “You. Jinyoung. No?”

Jaebum blinked again, truly not understanding anything. What’s up with him and Jinyoung? Other than the fact that Jinyoung was not talking to him. Also he and Youngjae apparently gets along well, judging from the dinner. Does Jinyoung hates all idols or just Jaebum? Or actor-dols? Or maybe--

“Oppa?” Jimin had snapped him out of his thoughts, almost jumping at the touch on his wrist. He was greeted with three pairs of eyes staring at him thoughtfully. “Are you alright?”

“I’m okay. I just zoned out for a second. I’m sorry.” Jaebum smiled, taking a piece of kimchi to shove inside his mouth and chew it. Everyone was still looking at him as if they didn’t believe him, but luckily Dahyun decided to take charge.

“Anyway, we’re here to gossip about Bambam oppa and Yugyeom oppa!” she said far too excitedly. “I wonder when will Yugyeom oppa ever confess to Bambam oppa? It feels so sad to watch him follow him around like a kicked puppy.”

Jae scoffed. “Are you kidding me? Bambam is  _ just as worse _ . It’s always  _ Gyeom said this  _ and  _ Gyeom told me this  _ whenever we’re talking. It is so sickeningly cute, I don’t understand why they haven’t dated yet.”

“That’s because they’re best friends.” Jimin said. “They’ve been best friends since  _ forever  _ so they don’t want to change that. At least that’s what I got out of Yugyeom when we had a talk the other week. He was sobbing in my arms, telling me about how Bambam is so obsessed with Jackson oppa lately.”

The name Jackson snapped Jaebum out of his eating. “Wait. Bambam and Jackson know each other? I mean, other than him being Jinyoung’s manager?” he asked.

“Of course he’d only join the conversation when Jinyoung is involved.” Jae said dramatically, as if Jaebum wasn’t in the room. But he answered him, “Oh yeah. They were friends even before. They met in a clothing store and instantly hit it off. I think that’s probably why Bambam even considered using Jinyoung even though he wasn’t a well-known actor. Bambam wanted to cast popular names,” he smirked at Jaebum. “Like you.”

But Jaebum ignored him, instead focusing on what Jae had just said. Bambam and Jackson were friends. Jackson asked Bambam to consider his charge for the role. Jinyoung was probably only casted because Bambam knew Jackson. As a favor. And  _ what _ ? Jinyoung is the one who has the guts to be mad at him because he was an idol-actor? Who’s the one being casted with connections now?

“Excuse me, ladies and… hyung.” Jaebum had stood up and brought his food with him. “I just remembered I had something to do. I’ll see you in half an hour for re-touching. Bye!” Even before anyone could complain or say anything, Jaebum was out the door and towards his own tent.

His phone had a lot of missed calls from Youngjae when he turned it on and more than 50 text messages from the boy. Ignoring them all, he dialled his manager's number and waited for him to pick it up.

“Hey Jaebum! How’s Youngjae doing?” Seunghoon greeted.

“My phone is dying just from his messages. I haven’t read them, though.” he answered, then immediately went to the point of this call. “Anyway, hyung, I called because I needed to ask something.”

“Yeah, shoot.”

“Do you know why Jinyoung ssi was casted as the lead role of Junior?” he asked, biting his lip and keeping his voice low as if he was committing something illegal.

Seunghoon didn’t answer immediately. “I know you’re asking because you have an idea.” he finally said after a few seconds. His hyung knew him too well. “Where did you hear this?”

“I didn’t hear it directly, it was implied. Or not, I don’t think they were implying it intentionally. They probably didn’t even know,” he looked up to see if someone was passing by. Everyone was probably still eating or resting, using the break to relax because they were in for another gruelling shoot right after. “But you know, hyung. So?”

“What do you plan to achieve by getting this piece of information, Jaebum-ah?” Seunghoon asked, sighing.

“Nothing.” A lie. “I just wanted to know, hyung. Come on.”

There was another beat of silence before Seunghoon finally answered, “A favor to Jackson. You probably know by now that they’re friends. Bambam decided to cast Jinyoung in Jackson’s suggestion.”

For some reason, Jaebum was grinning at this even though he knew the answer already. “Thanks, hyung. Anyway, I gotta go. I still need to eat dinner because Bambam is driving is crazy with wanting to re-take shots.” Before Seunghoon could even say anything back, he had already ended the call and turned off his phone.

Jaebum can’t wait for the next shoot with Jinyoung to come. On what exactly he was going to do, he has no idea yet.

 

After Bambam had made sure the shots for the driving scene was good and the light was proper, he had finally allowed for a rest. It was 3:29AM when they wrapped up the shoot and they arrived in their hotel at 4:04AM. Jaebum wanted nothing better than to just plop down on his bed and sleep. But he was still an idol and he needed to make sure he wouldn’t destroy his face or else his stylists will complain for  _ months _ .

Pulling himself to the washroom, he carefully removed all make-up as fast as he could. It was 4:24AM when he was able to plop down on his bed. But before sleeping he checked his phone and the first message he saw was from his manager.

> **From** : Seunghoon hyung   
>  **Message** : Don’t do anything we’ll all regret, Jaebum-ah.

Grunting, the only thing Jaebum regrets right now is the fact that he’s still awake.

 

 

> **_CHAPTER 13: Little White Lies?_ **
> 
> _ If there was something in the whole world that Junior should’ve known better, it was that happiness never truly lasts. Happy moments exists, that time when you’re feeling like you’re on top of the world and that you could do no wrong. There’s this excitement running through your veins as you spent every waking moment with a smile on your face and a spring on your step. _
> 
> _ But that’s what they are, just happy moments. Moments never lasts. They’re short and they have an expiration date. _
> 
> _ Junior wonders how he could’ve forgotten that when it was the very belief he held on for years. _
> 
> _ However, now as Junior clutches on the bullet wound on his shoulder, he sort of remembers why. _
> 
> _ Happiness is what he could only describe the past two weeks with JB. It was weird, he felt like he was floating in bubbles of joy and carried him from one place to another, from one day to the next. They spent so much time with each other that Junior forgot where he started and where JB ended. _
> 
> _ It hurts. _
> 
> _ “JUNIOR!” _
> 
> _ His shoulders was numbing, but he could still feel the tell-tale tingle of pain. His hand on it wasn’t stopping the blood flowing either. _
> 
> _ “JUNIOR! JUNIOR PARK!” _
> 
> _ It was too much. He couldn’t stand. The world was blinding and before he knows it, he falls knee first on the floor. _
> 
> _ “NO! LET HIM--” _
> 
> _ It was too much. _
> 
> _ “DON’T CLOSE YOUR EYES! GODDAMNIT! JUNIOR PARK!” _
> 
> _ As Junior falls on the floor, back hitting the cold cemented stone and the gun wound on his arm feeling like it’s being dragged open, all he could remember was one thing. One person. _
> 
> _ “YOU’RE GOING TO REGRET THIS, FUCKERS! I FUCKING WARNED YOU!” _
> 
> _ Junior could only remember the way JB had smiled after the kiss that Junior initiated on his couch. It was so bright, so honest and so beautiful. That was the single most beautiful smile directed at Junior and only for him. _
> 
> _ “ARE YOU ALRIGHT? JUNIOR! JUNIOR!” _
> 
> _ Junior likes the darkness, likes how he could picture JB’s smile there. Maybe he could stay in the darkness and never wake up again. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ “Are you  _ sure  _ he’s alright? Shouldn’t we give him another test? Get another doctor?!” _
> 
> _ “No. JB, I know you’re worried, but--” _
> 
> _ “IT’S BEEN DAYS!” _
> 
> _ “He was shot.” _
> 
> _ “ONCE! ON THE SHOULDER!” _
> 
> _ “We’ve had this conversation before. Junior ssi isn’t on his best health condition--” _
> 
> _ “FUCK!” _
> 
> _ “But he’s better now. His vitals are better than before.” _
> 
> _ “HE’S STILL NOT AWAKE.” _
> 
> _ “Calm down, JB-ah.” _
> 
> _ “I--I’m scared. I fucked up.” _
> 
> _ “It’ll be fine. Just wait patiently.” _
> 
>  
> 
> _ The next time Junior opens his eyes, it was to the familiar walls of the hospital. There was no wondering, no questions or no confusions. He knew where he was because that was a wall he had grown fond of the last time he stayed here. _
> 
> _ What was confusing was the ache on his right shoulder and the sore muscles all over his body. His head felt heavy and there was a disgusting taste in his mouth. Reaching out to ring the nurse, he realized why his shoulder felt so stiff. _
> 
> _ It was bandaged. He had a cast on. What the--?! _
> 
> _ Luckily, he was saved from having to ring the nurse as one came in that exact moment. She looked surprised to see him awake, but it was soon replaced with a polite smile as she goes over to him. _
> 
> _ “How are you feeling?” she immediately checks his vital signs, poking and prodding him before writing it down on her chart. _
> 
> _ Junior felt like he had a million of things to say, to complain about. But his throat felt scratchy that he could only utter one word, “Hurts.” He glanced at his right shoulder and then at the nurse wondering, hoping it was obvious he was asking what happened to him. _
> 
> _ But it turns out he hasn’t managed to send the message across. “Just stay there for now. I’ll call the Doctor so he can have a look at you, alright?” she patted the bed as if to imply to stay there. It’s not like Junior can leave even if he wanted to, his legs won’t even cooperate with him right now. _
> 
> _ Still, Junior nodded at her and she was pleased with the answer. She left the room for a few minutes before she came back and was followed by the Doctor that first checked him when he was here. He was smiling warmly at him, for some reason. _
> 
> _ “Your waking up brings great joy to  _ all  _ of us, Mr. Park,” was the greeting he got from the Doctor. “How are you feeling? Can you move your arms and legs?” _
> 
> _ Junior blinked and tried. He can, but they hurt a lot. The pain must be obvious on his face because the Doctor looked thoughtfully at him. _
> 
> _ “I’ll perform the basic check-up tests now.” the Doctor announced instead and then to the nurse he added, “Please make sure  _ no one  _ barges inside the door until I finish?” _
> 
> _ She nodded, bowing to the both of them before closing the door. _
> 
> _ “Now Mr. Park, look at the middle of my forehead and…” _
> 
>  
> 
> _ Junior found out what the Doctor meant when he said not to let anyone barge inside the door. As soon as he was done, the door flew open and JB stood there looking at him worriedly. There was darkness in his eyes that Junior didn’t see before. He had no idea if it’s because JB was looking haggard or because Junior now knows what hides behind that face. _
> 
> _ “Are you… feeling better?” JB asked, still standing by the door. He has another black coat on him and now Junior knows why. _
> 
> _ It’s weird how Junior suddenly see things clearly, suddenly realizes what these things mean now. _
> 
> _ “Doctor said I’ll live.” Junior managed to say, throat soothed by the water he drank earlier. He was also feeling a lot better, having exercised his muscles a bit. They were still sore, but now it was a little numb and that was a lot better than before. _
> 
> _ They didn’t speak for a few minutes as JB just stared at him and Junior looked elsewhere, pretending he couldn’t feel the burn of the other man’s gaze on him. It’s weird, this awkward silence, ever since they’ve met they always had something to say. Not to mention that Junior spent the past two weeks talking endlessly about his dreams and aspirations. Yet, now… _
> 
> _ Junior was snapped out of his staring when the door closed, he turned his head in time to see JB step inside. Now they were alone and it was suddenly a hundred times weirder than before. _
> 
> _ It was JB that broke the silence. “I’m sorry.” he whispers, low and pained. He wasn’t looking at Junior, gaze focused on the soles of his dress shoes. _
> 
> _ “What for?” Junior asked, his gaze focused on JB’s form. “For saving my life  _ again _? For not telling me the truth? From hiding things from me? For everything? What are you sorry for, JB Im?” _
> 
> _ JB doesn’t speak immediately and it annoys Junior. _
> 
> _ “Is JB even your real name?” Junior couldn’t help but ask and he didn’t bother hiding the bitterness laced in his voice. He hopes JB hears it all. _
> 
> _ “It is. It’s my name.” JB finally answered, looking up to lock gazes with Junior. His eyes were red. Was he crying? “There’s no proper names in my kind of lifestyle. If I had a real name, I wouldn’t know. I grew up with JB and as far as I’m concerned, that’s who I am.” _
> 
> _ Junior snorts. “I don’t even know your real name, but you know mine even before I told you.” _
> 
> _ JB sighs again. “I’m sorry. I really am,” _
> 
> _ “I don’t need your apologies, JB.” Junior almost snarls, almost. “What I need are explanation, what I want are explanations. If you won’t give them to me then disappear from my life.” _
> 
> _ JB looked like he didn’t want to say anything, looked like he was afraid to actually speak. _
> 
> _ “I’m not kidding. I will disappear from your life. I can’t promise I’d come out alive from it.” Junior’s voice held conviction, he knew it does. Knew with the way JB looked desperately at him, begging. But he won’t back out, he’s been following JB around for months, giving him his hundred percent trust when it turned out the man didn’t even deserve any of it. _
> 
> _ “My name is JB Im and I am the Boss of Seoul’s mafia.” JB says slowly, softly and almost as if he was ashamed. “I have tortured  thousands, murdered even as many as those just for the sake of gaining this land. But…” _
> 
> _ Junior raised an eyebrow. “But?” _
> 
> _ “But I’ve only fallen in love with one.” _

 

Seunghoon has no idea why Youngjae was squealing from where the boy sat by the window, the book on his lap. The boy has his hands on his mouth and his eyes were shining brightly. Maybe it was better not knowing why.

Sighing, he goes to the kitchen to choose where they were going to order their lunch.

 

Youngjae feels like his heart will burst, almost giggling out loud at the sweetness of the scene. He feels like he would faint or jump up and down in joy, whichever would come first. So he closes the book to preserve the feelings and immediately grabs his phone to text his newly pronounced Favorite Hyung in the World.

> **To** : Jinyoungie Hyung   
>  **Message** : I just finished ch13 hyung ;____; it was both so heart wrenching & so sweet!!!!

The reply came not a few seconds later, Jinyoung probably was already on his phone.

> **From** : Jinyoungie Hyung   
>  **Message** : Chapter 13 is so heartbreaking! You’ll get the explanation on 14 so I hope you’ll enjoy ~ (while it lasts)
> 
> **To** : Jinyoungie Hyung   
>  **Message** : noooooo >< don’t tell me yeeeet. i’ll read again after lunch, i don’t want to spoil my feelings yet D: D: D: <3
> 
> **From** : Jinyoung Hyung   
>  **Message** : Enjoy it for now, then! :) Hyung will have to rehearse his lines now, I’ll talk to you later :)

Youngjae sits there grinning on his phone. It was truly a great idea to have changed his Favorite Hyung in the World to Jinyoung hyung. Jaebum hyung is mean. With this, he places the book on the table and pads over to where Seunghoon hyung went so he could ask for ice cream.

 

Jinyoung thinks Youngjae is the cutest thing in the world and so he goes to tell Jackson this.

“Thought you hated idols?” Jackson asked, licking the spoon of his ice cream then digs in again for more. This earned a glare from Jinyoung, hating how Jackson is so uncultured. “What? We’ve been friends for years. Don’t act all snotty now.”

Jinyoung just rolls his eyes and digs in. It’s not like Jackson’s germs can make him stop eating ice cream. It  _ is  _ ice cream. “I don’t hate idols, I just don’t like them much,” he answers, loving how the sweet caramel melted in his tongue. “But Youngjae is an exception. He’s cute.”

Jackson suddenly grinned, “How about Jaebum, huh? He’s hot.” He wagged his eyebrows and shooted Jinyoung a wink. Jinyoung just looked entirely unimpressed.

“Jaebum is tolerable, but I still don’t like him.” Jinyoung slaps Jackson’s hand away when the other boy tried to take a huge spoonful of ice cream. He ignored the whine and the grumbling that followed, taking a spoonful for himself.

“You and your love-hate relationship, I swear.” Jackson snorts, “You could be great friends if you just give him a chance. I don’t even know why you hate him. He just sort-of insulted you  _ one  _ time and he even gave you a gift.”

Jinyoung thinks Jackson’s question is so petty that it doesn’t deserve an answer. Instead, he just concentrated on the silent game of who gets to eat more ice cream as their spoons battled for the bigger scoop.

This is the life, Jinyoung thinks when he gets the last scoop. Jackson looked like a kick puppy beside him, but he doesn’t care. To hell with idols anyway.

 

Jaebum has a headache. He could feel every single thrum of his head, as if it wants to contract and squeeze itself or explode in pieces. Maybe both at the same time, that would’ve been a right mess. But no matter how many times he tries to massage his temples or close his eyes shut, the pain wouldn’t go away.

“Are you feeling alright, Jaebum-ah?” Seunghoon asked from the driver’s seat, eyes on the road as he battles Seoul traffic to get to the expressway. “Do you want us to stop for medicine or something?”

Contemplating for a second, Jaebum decided that stopping for medicine and maybe a cup of coffee would do nothing but harm. They were already running late and if they get a setback even more, the shooting would probably be postponed just for him.

“It’s alright, hyung. Just get some medicine after we arrive in the shooting site, please.” He closes his eyes again, shuts it tight and leans on his pillow. His hands were cold and there’s a sweat in between his eyebrows even if the airconditioning is in full blast.

Seunghoon hyung tutted, eyes still on the road. “I’ll have a talk with Youngjae when I get back. That was totally uncalled for.” he sighed, probably remembering what had gone down that morning between his two charges. “Are you  _ extremely  _ sure you don’t need medicine right now, though? I’ll tell your PA to buy you some.”

Jaebum doesn’t even want to remember what had happened that morning. He was sure he hasn’t had a fight like that with Youngjae since… since forever. He and Youngjae had always gotten along, one of the reasons why the management put them together in one group (well that and their voices mix well together). So the two of them in a fight and Jaebum having to leave before they were able to patch it up, he doesn’t like it one bit.

But Jaebum also doesn’t like how he’s being insulted for something totally out of his hand.

“Get some sleep. Drink a bottle of water.” Seunghoon reminded him.

Grabbing the bottle, he took a mouthful and swallowed it down. His head feels like bursting and it  _ hurts _ . Trying to make the  _ mind over body  _ chant work, he forces himself to sleep.

It was a long time before he did.

 

Jaebum’s head still hurts.

Seunghoon hyung arrived on the filming site just a few minutes before the time everyone had agreed on. Of course, everyone was already there when they had arrived, which makes it a moot point, but at least no one is giving him the stinky eye for being actually late.

“I’ll call you when we iron out the details for the Sunday event, alright? There might be some changes because the promoter is having trouble.” Seunghoon raised his phone, as if to emphasize what he had just said. “I talked to Bambam and he said he’ll adjust the shooting if you have the event on Sunday.”

Jaebum would have nodded if his head didn’t feel like it would crack with just the slightest movement. “Okay, hyung. Just update me. It’s only Thursday anyway.” he whispers, his voice shaking at the pain.

It looked like Seunghoon hyung wanted to say something more, but decided against it as he bids Jaebum a good bye and reminded him to call in case he needed something. His manager has to drive back to Seoul, needing to deal with Youngjae’s schedule for tonight.

Just the thought of Youngjae makes Jaebum want to shrivel up and fall to the ground. Luckily, he was not given enough time to ponder because soon Yugyeom comes in with instructions on which scene they would be rehearsing.

Jaebum tries to listen, he really really does. But with his head feeling like there’s a huge hammer trying to rip it open, he can’t even fully concentrate on anything but continuing to breathe. Luckily, Yugyeom doesn’t seem to notice as he waxes poetic about the plans for today.

 

“AGAIN! FROM THE START!” Bambam screams from where he was seated. He flipped through his script, “Jinyoung hyung you’re doing great. But add more feelings on delivering the words, you’re doing well with the expression.”

Jinyoung nodded, schooling his face. “Noted.” he replies.

Jaebum winces when Bambam turns to him and says, “You need to improve on  _ everything _ , Jaebum hyung. This scene is all about JB feeling hurt about Junior getting shot. You did well with the action scene, but the delivering…?” he looked like he wanted to say something more, but decided against it.

“I’m sorry. I’ll do better.” Jaebum assures him, bowing his head even if the mere action makes him want to bang his head on the wall. At least that way maybe the physical pain can make him forget about the thrum of his head. “I’m sorry.”

Bambam just sighed, not even deeming him a response. “Back to places, everyone.”

As everyone shuffled back to their places before the scene starts, Jaebum accidentally caught Jinyoung’s eye. The other boy merely raised an eyebrow at him and Jaebum wasn’t in the mood to analyze anything, so he returns it with a glare before turning around so he wouldn’t see the answering dirty look he was bound to receive.

“Okay, places everyone. Three! Two! One! ACTION!”

 

If Jaebum thought his head hurting earlier was the worst, he was sorely mistaken. After that rehearsal, his head feels more painful than ever. It’s like his head wants to burst out of him and there’s the tiny pinpricks of needle like feeling through his whole head. Not to mention, this cold feeling running through him as he shudders and clutches on his pants.

“Shooting in two hours.” Bambam calls as everyone breaks into groups, the staff cleaning up the place and the camera men walking over to Bambam. 

Jaebum feels like he could lie down on his bed and never get up. Except, he doesn’t have his bed and he has to get ready for the shooting. He walks out with most of the people, everyone not paying him any attention as they still have two hours before the filming.

What Jaebum could give just so he could, maybe, sleep this off.

“Hey.” Jaebum was startled to feel someone’s hand on his arm. He looks at the side and was even more surprised to see Jinyoung’s eyes on him. They were unreadable and for a second Jaebum thought he was worried about him. Then he realized who this was, Park Jinyoung, Jaebum’s biggest Anti-Fan. “About earlier--”

“Shut it.” Jaebum doesn't even hide the anger in his voice and he looked away, concentrating on not falling on his ass because his legs were shaking. “If you’re here to insult my  _ idol acting _ earlier, then fuck off. I don’t need it right now.”

If Jaebum had only looked at Jinyoung, he would’ve seen how the other boy flinched at the words  _ idol acting  _ and how he moved away as if he was scalded with hot water. But Jaebum wasn’t looking, instead he was intently looking away and pretending this conversation wasn’t happening.

Jinyoung spluttered, his hand on Jaebum’s arm already fallen away, “I didn’t--”

“Someone like  _ you  _ has no right to call out on my acting when you yourself…” he trails off, thinking how it doesn’t matter. This wasn’t the right time. Jaebum just runs his cold hands through his hair, nothing really matters right now. “I’m going. See you later.” he power walks to his tent, weaving through the other staffs and actors walking in front of him.

When he reaches the safety of his tent, he falls face first on the couch and stays like that. When they need him to prepare for the shooting, he was sure Yugyeom would come wake him up.

 

“But what does he  _ mean _ ?” Jinyoung asked for the nth time, shoving another spoonful of rice to his mouth. He had been channeling his anger by eating since the moment Mark had brought the lunch boxes that the whole staff ordered.

Mark shrugged, “Maybe he doesn’t mean anything by it?” Jackson hit his leg from under the table, but he ignored the manager. “We don’t really know how Im Jaebum works, I mean?”

“What Mark hyung here means to say is…” Jackson coughs, as if preparing for a speech. But then he looked thoughtful himself, as if he has no idea where his sentence was going either. “Actually, I have no idea either. Are you sure you didn’t insult him first for him to snap at you?”

Jinyoung looked offended at that, looking betrayed. “How many times have I said that I didn’t even get to say more than five words during the entire exchange?” he sniffed, “The idiot just decided to snap at me and talk to me about his  _ idol acting  _ and then proceeds to tell me that I have no right whatsoever. I have no idea what he  _ means _ .”

Jackson sighed as if this conversation was taking it’s toll on him. “Man, please don’t ask me to explain the wonders of Jaebum’s mind. I have no idea how to do that.”

“Man,” Mark raised an eyebrow at Jackson, “That was basically the same thing  _ I  _ said earlier.”

Jackson faked looking innocent, fluttering his eyelashes at Mark. “Did you really? I have no idea,” he fluttered it again, Mark and Jinyoung both making gagging noises but he didn’t even acknowledge. “Why are we even talking about Im Jaebum right now?”

“Because Jinyoung here has a crush on--OW!” Mark was clutching his leg from where Jinyoung had kicked it under the table. “Jinyoungie, how could you betray me like that?” he was whining, he knows but who knew Jinyoung had a mean kick? Probably Jackson, by the looks the man was sending him.

“Everyone, focus  _ please _ .” Jinyoung sounded exasperated. “Focus. What did Im Jaebum even  _ mean _ ?”

 

Truthfully, Jaebum doesn’t even remember what he had told Jinyoung. He was able to sleep a total of one hour before Yugyeom comes barging inside his tent, demanding Jaebum to  _ please eat or else you’ll die of hunger and then Bambam will be so stressed because they’ll have to replace the actor and that means re-shoots and no Bambam cannot die of stress he is too young and beautiful _ . 

Jaebum suddenly feels stupid that he hasn’t realized how much Yugyeom is possibly whipped for his bestfriend. It’s almost nauseating. “You love Bambam too much, huh?” he teased, but instead of Yugyeom blushing like he expected him to, the boy frowned. “What’s wrong?”

Yugyeom wouldn’t talk, still staring at his shoes. Even if Jaebum still has a headache, a little less painful than it was an hour ago, he knew he shouldn’t let his PA just look so down. Then he remembered what Jae, Jimin and Dahyun had mentioned the other day about Bambam and… Jackson. The reminder makes him want to throw up.

“Come on, Yugyeom. Tell me.” Jaebum scooted over and patted the place he just vacated, inviting the boy to sit. Luckily, the boy didn’t make it any harder for him, taking the offered sit and pouting like a baby.

“Bambam is just…” Yugyeom wrung his hands out, as if it could tell his tales without him actually speaking it. “He’s just. He’s being difficult. Which is nothing new, Bambam has always been difficult.”

Jaebum hummed to tell Yugyeom he was listening, “But what is he being difficult about?” he asked. The thrumming inside his head was coming back, maybe he should really eat and indulge himself in a pack of sugar. First, Yugyeom.

“Just. Stuff.” Yugyeom sniffed then after a beat he added, “Jackson hyung.”

Ah. Jaebum was hoping it wasn’t that, but it’s not like he can take back everything anyway. “What about Jackson?” he tried not to let the bite show with his question. But just the mere thought of Jackson getting Bambam to cast his charge on the movie, a prideful no-name actor who has been nothing but prejudiced about idol actors since the start makes him want to hurl.

“Just. I don’t even know to be honest…” Yugyeom sounded so resigned, so tired and then suddenly he seemed to remember why he was here in the first place. “Hyung, stop changing the topic! Eat your lunch, please!”

Jaebum almost banged his head to the armrest of his couch because the sudden raised voice makes his head hurt some more. “Please don’t scream ever again,” he says, massaging his temple, “And I will eat the lunch, but please go fetch anything sweet. I don’t care if it’s a bag of sugar but I need something sweet.”

In a low voice, Yugyeom looked suspicious but agreed, “O..kay, hyung. I’ll be back.” He leaves the tent to presumably hunt their kitchen for a pack of sugar.

Resigned to his fate and doing his part of the bargain, Jaebum took the lunch box that Yugyeom had left on the table and proceeds to eat them. His head still thrums, a dull ache now compared to earlier but it was still a lot of pain.

It was after fifteen minutes that Yugyeom comes back with a three packs of sugar and Jimin and Dahyun trailing after him so they could doll him up for the shooting scene. He had to leave his chicken unfinished as he let them put make-up and fix his hair to their content while also sneaking mouthfuls of sugar.

Sugar didn’t help much, but it did alleviate some of the pain.

 

“CUT CUT  _ CUT _ !” Bambam yells, a frown on his forehead as he looks frustratedly at the screen and then at his actors. “The two of you get here and watch then tell me what is wrong with this scene. Hurry up.”

Jinyoung and Jaebum walks over to where Bambam was sitting behind the screen, already replaying the scene they had just taken. He doesn’t look pleased, if the fact that his shoulders were tense. He played the shot that showcases Jaebum’s face, everyone concentrating to watch.

“Do you understand what I mean?” Bambam asked after he finished, the scene closing in on Jaebum clutching on Jinyoung’s lifeless body. He turns around to face them, face solemn. “There is no feelings, at all. JB doesn’t look the least bit  _ sad  _ that Junior got shot. At. All.”

Jaebum felt his hands freeze as everyone turned to look at him, faces varying from blank to judging. They were all looking at him, expecting… waiting… judging… And he hated it, every single one of their eyes peeling everything from him as if they have a right.

Instead of saying anything, Jaebum bows down low, “I’m sorry.” he says, staying that way.

Bambam just sighs, “Re-touch your make-up and we’re going to take that again. Gather your shit together, hyung.” He looked exhausted and Yugyeom immediately came over to hand him a cup of coffee, or what looked like a cup of coffee.

Jaebum walked back to his spot, headache still pounding his head that makes him want to roll on the floor and stay there. In the middle of his breathing exercises, he felt a hand on his shoulder and for some reason, he already knew who it was without asking.

“What do you want right now?” he couldn’t help but snapping. He was tired and he was out of his game, costing the movie time--important  _ time _ . He hates it, hates himself and hates the reason for this headache is because of a fight with one of the most important people in his life.

Youngjae still hasn’t called or texted him.

“I… I was just…” It was Jinyoung, again. Jaebum faced the other man and was slightly surprised to find him standing there looking worried. Or looking worried, with an actor in this industry, one can never really tell. “I was just going to ask if you needed a break. You look tired and--”

“I am  _ fine _ .” Jaebum snapped again, surprising even the people nearby them at his voice.

Jinyoung looked stunned, as if he wasn’t expecting this cold treatment even when Jaebum had already brushed him off earlier. It gets Jaebum’s blood boiling, the way Jinyoung looks at him as if he had been the one betrayed. As if he was the one who has a  _ right  _ to be hurt right now.

“No need to be snotty about it. I was just worried.” Jinyoung said, turning around to walk back to his spot where Dahyun was waiting with a hair iron.

Everyone was looking at them now, having obviously heard Jaebum’s words earlier. They look so interested, not even bothering to hide that they were listening to their conversation. That wasn’t even the worst, the worst was how they looked at the two of them.

How? Everyone was looking at Jinyoung pitily, as if he was the protagonist in this story. And they were all looking at Jaebum as if they couldn’t believe their eyes, that someone like him could hurt Jinyoung.

Jaebum makes the mistake of speaking out, “Snotty?  _ You  _ are calling  _ me  _ snotty?” he scoffs, couldn’t believe what he’s hearing and couldn’t believe that he’s letting his mouth run off.

When Jinyoung turned back to him, his eyebrows were knotted together and he looked honestly confused. “What? What’s wrong with you?” he looked offended, played the part well. It was as if Jinyoung honestly doesn’t know what Jaebum was talking about and this has Jaebum’s blood boiling.

So what does Jaebum do? Laugh hysterically, the pounding on his head gone and was instead replaced with the adrenaline rush running through his veins. He felt like he could take over the world at that moment, the anger blinding him of anything else.

“You. You’re the one wrong with all of--” Jaebum gestures the room, “--these. You’re the one wrong.”

Jinyoung still looks confused and the silence around him means that everyone was listening, waiting and watching him with bated breath. It was now or never. Jinyoung has made him feel confused for  _ weeks _ , messing with him and making him feel bad about getting the character because he was an idol. When in reality,  _ in reality _ , Jinyoung was the undeserving one.

And Jinyoung was the cause of Youngjae’s anger.

“You’re acting all innocent and shit, making me feel  _ bad  _ for being an idol actor when you--” Jaebum laughs again, hysterical and bordering on tears. “You’re the one who got here because of connections you fucking  _ hypocrite _ !”

Jaebum was breathing harshly, his lungs contracting and feeling as if he just ran a marathon. His hands were cold and shaking, like how his legs feel like they’re about to give up on him any second now. And it was quiet, too quiet. The silence around him makes him feel unsettled, especially at the fact that he  _ knows  _ the place is full of at least 100 people.

Jaebum looks up and right there and  _ then _ , he regrets everything.

Because looking at how Jinyoung was shaking, the way his hands was clutching on the shirt he was wearing and how his eyes were red with unshed tears says it all. And Jaebum, being the asshole that he was, had ruined this for him.

“I--” Jinyoung’s voice broke just in time for the tears to start falling. Jackson was by his side within seconds, Mark following not far with a bottle of water. The actor looked around, looked at Mark and then at Jackson. The question was evident in his eyes, unspoken but asked.

“No. No. Don’t listen to him.” Jackson’s voice was shaking as he rubbed circles at Jinyoung’s back. The guilt in his eyes was unquestionable and Jaebum finally  _ understands _ .

“How…?” Jinyoung turned to where Bambam was still sitting, their Director’s face void of any emotion. Then he turns his gaze back to where Jaebum was standing before he blacks out.

 

 

> **_CHAPTER 14: Stay Away From Me_ **
> 
> _ Junior had no idea how hard it was to stay away from JB when all he wanted to do was to stay closer. _
> 
> _ “Leave me alone.” he had whispered, an immediate response to finding out the truth. _
> 
> _ JB looked stricken, but he let his hand hang by his side instead of reaching out like he usually does. “No, Junior, you don’t--” He stepped forward, closer. _
> 
> _ But Junior stepped back, shaking his head. “Don’t. Don’t… please.” _
> 
> _ “Is this… is this what you want?” JB’s voice was shaking, sounding small and helpless. Traits he had no idea JB could ever possess, but at that moment that was how he sounded. “If it is then I will go, Junior. You will never find me again.” _
> 
> _ Junior smiles sadly and doesn’t answer. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ Junior doesn’t wallow in grief or even miss JB. He had spent the last month of their weird dynamic hating the man or fighting with him. What he does feel is regret, a completely weird emotion that he couldn’t fathom would fit with what he was experiencing. _
> 
> _ Regret that he hasn’t learned about JB more. _
> 
> _ Regret that he had pushed the man away before he got to know him. _
> 
> _ Regret that they wouldn’t work, no matter what their two weeks of happiness meant. _
> 
> _ But most of all. Regret that JB never got to see Junior paint again like how he told him he wanted. _
> 
> _ Since he wouldn’t be able to deal with all of these anyway, he thought he might as well start easy. Start it with how he deals with too much feelings. So on the first morning since the day he told JB to stay away, Junior wakes up earlier than he usually does and leaves his house within the hour. _
> 
> _ The walk towards the art shop that Junior used to frequent wasn’t that far and soon enough he had all he needed on the store’s paper bag, walking out with his wallet lighter than ever. The walk towards his studio is even closer, just around the corner and easily accessible. _
> 
> _ Junior was just about to climb the short stairs when he heard a familiar voice ask, “Oh? You’re coming back to paint then?” _
> 
> _ Turning around, Junior finds himself face to face with a face he hasn’t seen in months, the man smirking at him from down the stairs. The smile that spread on Junior’s face was something he would deny if anyone asked, but for now he lets himself be wrapped around the comforting embrace of one of the most important person in his whole life. _
> 
> _ “Hey,” Junior greets back a few minutes later, arms still wrapped around his best friend. “When did you come back, idiot?” _
> 
> _ Kayee laughs, the sound comforting him even more. It was like coming home because, really, Kayee  _ is  _ his home. “A few days ago. I’ve been waiting for you to come here and paint, but you haven’t shown yourself.” he said, patting Junior’s back before letting go. _
> 
> _ “This is why you need a phone.” Junior snorts, turning around and walking up the stairs knowing that Kayee would follow. The sound of the footsteps behind him tells him he was right and soon enough he was opening the door of his studio with Kayee following behind him. _
> 
> _ “Woah. What’s up with the mess?” Kayee asks, making sure not to step on the broken pieces of what used to be Junior’s masterpiece. “Did a hurricane come in or something?” _
> 
> _ Junior forgot that when he trashed the place weeks ago, he never came back and cleaned it up.  Pushing away some empty paint cans, he made space to put down the paper bag he brought before dragging a chair to where Kayee was standing. _
> 
> _ “There. Sit.” Junior said, “I’ll clean up.” _
> 
> _ Kayee immediately sat, grinning. “As if I would ever offer to help.” _
> 
> _ “I never did ask you to help, Kayee.” Junior replies, rolling his eyes as he walks over to _

 

“Youngjae!” Seunghoon’s voice boomed in the empty apartment, footsteps following. “YOUNGJAE!”

Getting to his feet, Youngjae places the book down to meet his hyung in the living room. “Welcome back, hyung. The salon appointment won’t be until 2PM so I still have time to lounge around.”

What greeted Youngjae though was Seunghoon hyung looking at him in a way that feels like he was disappointed. But the thing is, Youngjae has never actually done anything in the past that would warrant for him to be looked at like this. Except today, it seems.

“You and Jaebum are the only members of this group, Youngjae and you  _ can’t  _ just jeopardize that for a book.” Seunghoon told him sternly, looking a hundred percent serious. “You can’t sacrifice your relationship just because Jaebum is protecting the image of this group, Youngjae-ah.”

Youngjae didn’t look convinced at all, just staring at Seunghoon. “Can’t believe hyung is choosing image over art. Hoya sunbae played a gay role too and he didn’t ruin his image at all.” he said, turning around and walking back to the couch to grab the book. Seunghoon, unsurprisingly, followed him there.

“Youngjae, I’m serious. You need to talk to Jaebum. He’s been really worried.” Seunghoon told him, grabbing the book out of his hand.

Luckily, Seunghoon’s phone rang and he had to give back the book so he could answer the call. It was obvious that the topic wasn’t done and honestly, Youngjae doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. 

Youngjae knew he might have overreacted a little, especially since he knew it wasn’t just Jaebum’s career on the line but also his. But this was just a movie, it was  _ acting  _ so why would people take it personally? Jaebum is over-reacting and Youngjae hates that he has to sacrifice a huge chunk of the book for his pride.

Not really up to dealing with it right now, Youngjae puts the book down and grabs his phone to play some games.

 

“Is he…?” Jaebum choked on air and wasn’t even able to finish his question. But he didn’t need to because Yugyeom seemed to have understood him quite well as he shook his head to answer Jaebum’s question. “Okay. Okay.”

Yugyeom just stood by the door, not coming any closer and Jaebum hates it.

“Don’t you want to sit down? You’ve been running around for two hours now…” Two hours since Jaebum created that mess and two hours since Jinyoung had collapsed and was brought to the hospital. Jaebum hates it.

Yugyeom shrugs, face impassive.

“Can I talk to Bambam? Where is he?” Jaebum asked and realized it was the wrong thing to say when Yugyeom flinched at the mention of the name. He suddenly regrets even bring it up. So he thought he should save himself the trouble and gets up.

Yugyeom doesn’t even stop him from going outside, doesn’t even ask him where he was going. It was the true testament of how mad Yugyeom was at him because his PA doesn’t even  _ care  _ anymore.

Walking outside, Jaebum realizes, turns out to be the wrong idea. It wasn’t even that they were saying something horrible about him  _ out loud _ . Instead everyone was looking at him, watching him again as if waiting for him to blow up. They were all judging him, everyone was disappointed at him and he could  _ tell _ .

The door of Bambam’s room was ajar and without looking inside, Jaebum knew someone else was there with their Director. If he knew any better and if he would only apply the things his parents had taught him about manners, he would have walked away and waited for the person to go out. But it seems like all manners had left him as he stayed by the corner and listened.

“...yeah. No.” Bambam, definitely Bambam. He wasn’t lowering his voice so Jaebum can pretend he wasn’t listening in and that he just happened to...hear.

“Why would you even tell anyone about that deal?!” It was Jackson. Jaebum thought he was in the hospital with Jinyoung, but it turns out he wasn’t. Or did he just come here so he could question Bambam without anyone hearing?

“I didn’t, okay? Jaebum hyung must have heard about it somewhere or something.”

“Bambam--”

“I don’t  _ fucking  _ know, hyung!”

“Why are you the one--”

“My movie is not working well because there’s an idiot who think he’s all that and another idiot that can’t take the truth!”

Jackson didn’t answer and Jaebum shuffling before he realized that Jackson must have stood up and was about to leave the room. Panicking, Jaebum immediately moved away and slid into the room right beside them and hoped that no one was inside.

The footsteps faded and it must have meant that Jackson was gone. With some faint shuffling from the other side of the room tells him that Bambam must still be there. Thinking it was safe enough to leave the room, he walks out and was greeted with an empty corridor so he continues walking until he reached the field where there were a lot of trees.

When they started shooting it was still bright, but it had been hours since then. The darkness and the humid summer air makes Jaebum feel worse than he already does. He looked around him and saw an abandoned chair by the side, probably placed by a staff that was smoking. Sitting there, he looks around again and realizes that he was truly  _ alone _ .

Going back there meant that he would have to go through everyone’s stares again, let them judge him from head to toe. He would have to deal with the betrayal in their eyes and the disappointment seeping from their core. Now they were always going to remember Im Jaebum as the idol actor that threw a tantrum and caused his co-star to faint.

_ It wasn’t fair. _

Jaebum tugs on his hair in annoyance, he feels caged and he hates it. He has been doing his best, studying his lines even when he’s half-asleep, performing even when his body wants to give up, acting even when his head feels like it’s being split into two… but because of one single mistake, one blow-up, everyone probably thinks he’s some stuck up shit.

“Fuck.” Jaebum curses out loud, his voice sounding louder in the silence around him.

The thought of Youngjae being mad at him, the thought of Jinyoung hurt because of him, the thought of Jackson feeling betrayed because of him, the thought of Bambam frustrated because of him, the thought of Yugyeom disappointed in him…. they were too much. He doesn’t know where he should focus, on what part and on whose feelings.

And that’s when Jaebum had  _ decided _ .

He was going to focus on his.

 

Costume Department has no lock in their door, mostly because Jimin and Dahyun doesn’t like it when they have to unlock it every fucking time. Especially during wardrobe emergencies wherein every second counts.

It makes Jaebum’s life so much easier as he slides inside and comes back out with a bag of clothes, making sure no one had seen him.

 

“Jinyoung hyung has been brought back here, but the shooting has been moved to tomorrow.” Yugyeom informed him the moment Jaebum got back inside the tent. The boy was now sitting down, but he had stood up so fast when Jaebum arrived.

Jaebum smiles, liking how this would make everything easier. “Is everyone in his room to visit him?” he asked, walking to the chair to grab his bag and he hurriedly throw in his phone inside.

Yugyeom doesn’t answer, however, and was looking intently at how Jaebum was throwing his possessions inside his bag. “Are you going anywhere?” he asked, sounding as if it pains him to even talk to Jaebum.

Jaebum raises his phone. “Seunghoon hyung just called me to tell me he’s on his way to pick me up. There’s been a problem in the agency with schedules and it turns out Youngjae and I have a radio show at 11PM tonight.”

“Oh.” Yugyeom looked confused. “Will you be back tomorrow, then? We will start the shoot early.”

Flashing his most trustworthy smile, Jaebum nods. “Of course. I’ll be here early.” He picks up his bag and slings it to his shoulders. “Anyway, I got to go. Can you tell the others for me? I would go see them, but we’re in a hurry to get to Seoul by 10PM at least.”

Nodding, Yugyeom lets Jaebum leave the tent first and follows after him. “I’ll go tell Bambam now. Make sure to get here early tomorrow--” he cringes before continuing, “--hyung.”

“Yeah, okay. Bye!” Jaebum waves and walks on the opposite side, where there weren’t anyone. Everyone else must either be resting in their rooms or snooping in Jinyoung’s. Pushing the thought away, Jaebum moves fast and hopes he blends in with the night.

 

The funniest thing about running away, Jaebum realizes, is that people shouldn’t realize you are leaving. It was the challenge, would usually be a challenge if other people actually paid attention  _ to  _ you. So it was amusing, so amusing that Jaebum was able to leave the shooting site and ride the first bus to Yanggu without any hitch.

Jaebum didn’t even need to  _ try _ . He changed his clothes hurriedly, stuffing everything he brought inside the bag. Completing his outfit with a cap (he had admittedly stolen from the Costume Department) and a thick frame he thought covers most of his striking features. Plus, it’s dark so he should be mostly safe, right?

Withdrawing money nearby was high on his priority list, taking in about a week’s worth of money for food and transportation because you can never know, right? It was telling his parents about it that he was worried about, only a little. He called his Mom from a payphone because his phone only had 5% battery left and he decided to just charge it when he arrives in his destination.

“Hello?” It was his Mom that answered the call.

“Mom? It’s me.” Jaebum didn’t want to say his name, now a little paranoid that someone would recognize him. He was a little far from the shooting site now and there were people around, not a lot of teenagers that were the demographic of his fans. Still.

“Oh Jaebum-ah, why are you calling by the house phone? I thought it’s one of those telemarketer again.” There was the soft hum of the television in the background and Jaebum sort of wishes he could just go home instead. “So? Did you need anything, son?”

Jaebum lets his back lean on the wall. “I got into a mess at shooting today and I am currently running away. If Seunghoon hyung or anyone asks for me, tell them you have no idea where I am okay?” he said in a rush, not actually sure how she would react to this.

“I will act properly surprised and worried, don’t worry.” she said, sounding amused now. “Don’t tell me where. Just make sure you come back alive, alright?”

“Yes, Mom. Say hi to Dad too. I gotta go.” Jaebum smiles. “Bus is here.”

She hums. “Bye, son.”

Bus from Namyangju to Yanggu would take about 2 hours or more, if there are any road problems. But it’s a weekday night, most people wouldn’t even be out so Jaebum’s not too worried. He also finds out that the bus mostly consists of grandmas carrying huge bags of vegetables talking loudly to each other and grandpas carrying canes and sleeping.

Settling nicely on his seat by the back, Jaebum takes a nap.

 

> **_CHAPTER 15: Welcome to Hell_ **
> 
> _ “We have 3 injured men on our side, but we were able to get rid of 5 of their men and injure about 10.” JB’ heard someone say from behind him so he turned his chair around to face whoever it was.’ _
> 
> _ “Oh. You’re back.” JB smirked at the man standing in front of him. He stood up and walked out of his desk to clap the back of the man. “Never told me you were coming back.” _
> 
> _ The man in front of him was tall and thin, his black hair swept off to the side and definitely longer than when he left more than a month ago. He was still shorter than JB, darker now too probably because he spent a lot of time outdoors in Mexico. _
> 
> _ “Hello hyung.” Taeyong, JB’s right hand man smirks at him, the smirk that has everyone quivering in fear. It was the reason why he was chosen as JB’s right hand man, that and because during the first days of JB taking over the mafia, Taeyong proved his worth. By killing the Boss of their then rival team. _
> 
> _ “How was Mexico?” JB asked, walking back to his seat and then gesturing Taeyong to take the seat in front of him before he sat on his own.  When they were both seated, he took out the papers regarding the raid that had just happened. “You joined the raid? I distinctly remember I told Lee to take charge.” _
> 
> _ Taeyong shrugged, taking the paper so he could fill it in. “Lee is an idiot.” he replied, taking the ballpen being offered as he wrote. “Also I just arrived this morning and they were preparing so I just joined in.” _
> 
> _ “Didn’t even tell me, huh?” JB asked, trying to hide the anger in his voice. The problem with Taeyong is that he sometimes does things without consulting JB. He doesn’t usually mind but when it comes to official raids like this… JB  _ does  _ mind. _
> 
> _ Taeyong didn’t even offer him an answer, just nodding. _
> 
> _ “So how was the Mexicans? Did you find out where they will be slipping the guns during their trip to Japan?” he asked, trying to keep himself neutral. He had been a mess the night before and he hates how his patience is so easily ruffled right now due to it. _
> 
> _ Taeyong hums again, not answer him. Instead he finishes signing and looks up at JB with that piercing look that could rival his. “I heard you have a boytoy, hyung.” he smirks when JB flinched. “Do tell me all about this… Junior Park.” _
> 
> _ The name brought back memories JB would rather not have. Also, it managed to boil anger that he didn’t know he had. With a resounding smack, JB had managed to reach over and knock Taeyong backwards for him to hit the floor with a thud. _
> 
> _ “What the--” _
> 
> _ “You fucktard are NOT allowed to talk about him like that!” JB screams, grabbing the gun he keeps with him and points it to Taeyong. He was honestly shaking, blood pumping throughout him and making him see red. “I have no qualms about pulling this trigger and you know it, Taeyong.” _
> 
> _ Taeyong doesn’t even flinch, just pushes himself to stand up and dust his pants. He looks at JB with that familiar passiveness in his eyes that JB’s familiar with, used only when his right hand man deals with other gangs. _
> 
> _ “Taeyong…” he said, the warning leaking from his tone. _
> 
> _ “There would have been deaths today if I wasn’t there, hyung.” Taeyong told him, starting at the gun instead of his eyes. “I’m not really afraid of you. And if I was you, I would be afraid. Very, very afraid JB hyung.” _
> 
> _ JB’s forehead knotted in confusion. “What are you planning, you asshole?” _
> 
> _ “You let yourself become very weak, hyung. I was just away for a few months and you let yourself become weak,” Taeyong’s words pierced something in him. Made him ache, made him hurt. “Weak JB hyung, very very weak.” _
> 
> _ In a second, Taeyong had left his office and the door was closed with a bang. JB was alone in the room, the hand holding the gun falling back to his side. Confused and scared, he looks around and sees the painting he had tracked down. Junior’s painting he had seen that day in Han River. _
> 
> _ Taeyong was right. JB had become weak. _
> 
> _ Walking back to his seat, JB hid the gun back in the hollister he keeps in his waist and falls down on his seat. He can’t remember how this happened, couldn’t remember how just a few minutes ago he feels like the world had crashed down on him because Junior told him to stay away and now _

 

Youngjae throws the book to his bedside table, not even bothering to put a bookmark on because he knows where he had stopped. It wasn’t like he could forget, especially with how much JB’s words had bothered him. Tugging on his sheets, he tucks himself to bed.

He still hadn’t contacted his Jaebum hyung and honestly, he’s still a little bit miffed. He can’t believe his hyung would do that to him. Not to mention, his hyung hadn’t even contacted  _ him _ . This was probably the longest they haven’t talked to each other in the time they’ve known each other.

Grabbing his phone, he types in a message that he knows is not enough, but it was something.

> **To** : My Lovely Jaebummie Hyung ♥   
>  **Message** : Goodnight, hyung.

Pleased, Youngjae goes to sleep.

 

Jinyoung was still feeling a little faint, but Bambam had called them all early. He watched his Director pace back and forth in front of them, on the phone or trying to call someone on the phone. When it seemed like no one was answering, he grunts and puts his phone back in his pocket before addressing all of them.

“Because our other lead actor had gone back to Seoul last night and still not back, we can’t waste time.” Bambam looked around them, “We’re going to shoot Jinyoung hyung’s scenes for now. We’ll do the museum scene rehearsal in 30 minutes. Go to your places, everyone!”

Sighing, Jinyoung stands up with the help of Jackson. Mark was following closely behind them with Yugyeom in tow, the two PAs engaged in a conversation. No one even brings up the mention of Jaebum or, like what everyone else are talking about, Jinyoung’s casting.

“Do you need any food? I think I can pick-up a soup down the road.” Mark offered, looking at Jackson because he was sure Jinyoung wouldn’t answer. After all, he hasn’t spoken much at all ever since getting back from the hospital.

“I already made him eat noodles this morning. Would probably be best to get some for lunch? He’s not allowed to eat anything that much, yet.” Jackson said, helping Jinyoung sit down on the couch.

Mark nods, grabbing Yugyeom’s arm to bring him outside.

When they were all alone inside the tent, Jackson settles on the chair and drags it in front of Jinyoung. He stares at his best friend,  _ really  _ stares at him. He doesn’t look any different besides the obvious red in his eyes and the shaking of his hand. Jackson sort of hates himself right now, but instead of wallowing in self-anger, he knew he should deal with Jinyoung first and foremost.

“Jinyoung-ah… look at me, please?” Jackson calls.

Jinyoung averted his eyes, his gaze concentrated on the patterns of the couch. His silence feels heavy because it wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk, it’s that he doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know where to start. He doesn’t know where to look. He doesn’t know how to feel. The truth is, in the end, he doesn’t know  _ anything _ .

All these time, all these time he’s spent hating Jaebum for getting the role because he was an idol actor… when it turns out  _ he  _ was the one undeserving. He thought that  _ finally _ , maybe  _ finally  _ someone saw his projects and  _ finally _ thought he was talented enough to warrant the lead role. But he should have known from the start that, really, he didn’t even go through an audition, no one even asked if he could act.

All these while, Jinyoung had deluded himself that he forgot how things worked. He let himself be blinded by everything else that he forgot to  _ think  _ and now it’s come back to bite him in the ass.

“Can we just… not?” Jinyoung finally said and Jackson looked hurt so he added, “Not right now. I don’t think I can deal with it.”

Jackson looked like he wanted to argue, but thought better of it. It was either because he’s really guilty or because there’s something on Jinyoung’s face. Either way, his best friend dropped it and busied himself with his phone on the side.

Turning around so he can lay his head on the side, he closes his eyes and lets the disappointment wash over him. He lets the heavy feeling settle in his stomach, lets it run through his lungs and suffocate him.

 

Bambam doesn’t treat Jinyoung any differently, as if the past day didn’t happen. Jinyoung wasn’t sure if he was thankful or not because Bambam was still a beast when it comes to throwing instructions. He still drives them all to the wall, his eyes burning with the same passion as he’s had the other weeks.

Jinyoung is tired.

“You look dead beat.” Dahyun told him when she came in to fix his make-up, Mark trailing behind her with his suit in his hand. She laid her bag on the table and gestured for Jinyoung to take a sit.

“Thanks, Dahyun-ah.” Jinyoung just said, watching Mark hang the suit by the side.

“The museum is just a car ride away.” Mark informed him, as if knowing exactly what Jinyoung was thinking. “We’re doing the make-up here because the bathrooms there are small and we’re only allowed until before they open at 1PM.”

Jinyoung looks at his wrist watch. “Which is 3 hours away from now.” Bambam was really pushing it.

“Either this or we’ll shoot tonight at 11PM and Bambam wanted real sunlight and not just artificial.” Mark sat on the couch and watched Dahyun work on him. He looked around and his eyebrows furrowed. “Where’s Jackson?”

Jinyoung tried to shrug, but Dahyun would probably slap him if he tried to move. “I don’t know,” he mumbled instead.

Mark didn’t say anything back and the room was quiet for awhile. Dahyun was busy working on Jinyoung’s make up and Jinyoung was busy making sure to stay still while Mark was staring at the wall. Then when it was 15 minutes past, Jinyoung was counting, Mark stands up.

“I gotta go get ready.” he said.

Jinyoung wanted to ask what for, but Dahyun had beat him to it because Mark was already out the door.

“Because we didn’t want to ask outsiders to come help with the shooting, staffs are going to dress up and pretend to be the crowd and as journalists. Mark oppa is going to get dressed too.” Dahyun told him, now smoothing his hair back.

“You’re going too?” he asked.

“Of course, oppa! I’ll be wearing a dress and all that.” Dahyun chatted excitedly about the dress she was going to be wearing, apparently one of her favorites. He let her trail on and on, not in the mood to join in the conversation so he was glad Dahyun was chatty.

Another 15 minutes later and Dahyun was done, looking all over him to make sure he was good. She left the tent with directions to wear the suit and make sure he doesn’t ruin anything. In a flash, Jinyoung was alone again.

The silence was deafening and Jinyoung’s chest felt like it would burst in pain.

 

“You look like shit.” Bambam informed him, their Director also in a flashy suit that looks even better than Jinyoung’s. His tone wasn’t insulting, almost pleased but there’s that twinge in Jinyoung’s chest that just pierces right through him.

Will it always be like this now? Jinyoung questioning everything? Not trusting anyone? Not trusting  _ himself _ ?

“Thanks.” he murmurs, not exactly knowing what to say.

“I mean it as a good thing, hyung.” Bambam suddenly added, tone a whole lot softer than before. Jinyoung doesn’t look at him, averts his eyes because he doesn’t really want to see the pity in the Bambam’s eyes. “I need Junior to look shitty in this scene even when he looks dashing in his suit. You’re portraying the role well.”

There was it again. There’s that piercing feeling in his chest, the gut aching twinge. Will this be his reply to all things now? Will he always be like this? Because he hates it.

“Thanks.” he murmurs again. Luckily, this time, Bambam had to go leave him alone because Yugyeom called him to help with his tie. Jinyoung was finally able to breathe properly.

 

Jinyoung has never been one of those too self-loving people who always compliments themselves, but he’s never really been like one of those self-hating either. He’s always been in the middle, the person who knew how to take compliments and how to accept criticism.

Except right now.

Jinyoung feels himself shake, a good addition to Junior’s character.

Everyone said he had done well, clapped his back in congratulations after the scene was finished. It took them only one take, two if you count when Bambam wanted a shot of him walking again. There were praises being showered, congratulations being thrown.

Smiles. Bows. Hands shaking. Junior couldn’t remember anything besides that irrational thought that they were all only saying this because… because of yesterday.

Jinyoung hates it. Most of all, Jinyoung hates himself.

Stupid Jinyoung. Stupid Park Jinyoung who kept on stepping over Jaebum. Stupid Park Jinyoung that shoved his nose where it wasn’t welcome. Stupid Park Jinyoung who thought he was good enough, who thought he was good  _ at all _ . Stupid Park Jinyoung who trusted his best friend, trusted their relationship. Stupid Park Jinyoung who trusted  _ himself _ .

Stupid, stupid Park Jinyoung.

 

“Your vocal teacher is waiting in studio C.” Seunghoon said the moment they parked in front of JYPE’s building. He unlocked the doors and turned around to see Youngjae staring at his phone. “Youngjae-ah? Did you hear me?”

When Youngjae didn’t reply, just continued staring at his phone, Seunghoon sighed and got out of the car. In a second he was opening the one in Youngjae’s side and shaking the idol, snapping him out of whatever thoughts he was having.

“Did you hear what I said at all?” Seunghoon asked.

Youngjae blinked, turning around as if he was confused. He seemed to take in his surrounding for a second, as if he wasn’t sure where he was. No, Youngjae was definitely not listening and Seunghoon felt his head hurt, he was also definitely going to get coffee later.

“Oh, we’re here already.” Youngjae remarked finally, gathering his bag and slipping his phone in his pocket. Seunghoon made way for him to get down, glad that it was too early for any fans to be waiting or else they’d have to deal with a dazed Youngjae.

When they got inside the company, Youngjae immediately took out his phone and stared at it again. Seunghoon watched Youngjae from the corner of his eye, grabbing his elbow to stir him back in the path to the elevator instead of slamming head first to a pole. The boy wasn’t even doing anything, just staring at the home screen and tapping it every few minutes to make sure it doesn’t turn off.

“Good morning, Youngjae-ah and Seunghoon-ah.” The vocal teacher greeted, already seated on the couch and going through sheets of music. He gestured for Youngjae to take a seat in front of him before turning to look at Seunghoon. “We’d probably be done in two hours. Does Youngjae have any schedule?”

Even though he knew 2JAE’s schedule like the back of his hand, he consults his phone whether they had anything scheduled today. When he saw that there were none, he slides his phone back in his pocket and shakes his head.

“Not today, no.” he reaffirms anyway. “Although I have a meeting with MBC because they’re asking for 2JAE to guest in Hello Counselor.”

“Okay, I’ll see you next week then?” the vocal teacher turned back to his notes, choosing one and walking towards the mixer.

Seunghoon looks at Youngjae. “Youngjae-ah,” he waited until Youngjae looked up at him. “Please behave, okay?”

“Sure, hyung.” Youngjae gave him a small smile that doesn’t even compare to his normal ones. “I’ll see you later.”

Before Seunghoon can say anything, on what he has no idea, Youngjae was already being called by the vocal teacher to talk to him about what they were going to do. Seunghoon sighs and admits the fact that he has to just let the boy go. It suddenly makes him worried about Jaebum as well.

Walking out, he stuff his hands in his pockets and decides to just deal with it when Jaebum comes back from the shooting.

 

Jaebum stretches his hands above his head, yawning in the process and liking how the air wasn’t as humid as the one back in the city. He squinted his eye and took in the beauty around the place for the first time, almost in awe at how the sun shines through the sea of trees as if illuminating the place.

Yawning again, he looks around and was pleased to realize that the kind ahjumma that rented him the place was right. There were no other houses nor humans for the next 500 meters or so. The only thing he could hear was the rustling of leaves and the humming of birds above him. If he even listened close enough, he could probably even hear himself breathing.

“Good morning.” Jaebum says to no one in particular, just extremely pleased at himself.

The small house (or hut?) he rented from the kind ahjumma was located just a little bit above the mountain, about 500 meters from the bottom. She was one of the grandmas that Jaebum rode the bus with and when they got down and he looked lost, she kindly asked him where he was going. Soon he was carrying the huge bags of cabbage for her and she was telling him about the abandoned hut she kept up the mountain, apparently used by hunters before.

With 100,000 won and a kiss on her cheek, she accompanies him up the mountain and to his home for the next week. Jaebum doesn’t even mind, he’d probably leave her more money when he leaves because the whole place was beautiful.

It was small, just a single room with (surprisingly) a bathroom attached at the side. The bed was on the left, taking up the whole side with a bedside table and lamp. Then there was a tiny kitchen to the right, just a sink and a stove with the cabinet above containing pans and pots with three pieces of bowls and three pairs of chopsticks and spoons.

There was a small circular table in the middle with two chairs on either side, it was directly in front of the door that Jaebum almost knocks over it the first time he came in. The whole hut and everything inside it was made of wood which makes it cool inside, even in the middle of summer. The huge window probably helps, too.

Jaebum smiles at the inside of his cozy new home. He’s going to love staying here for sure.

 

Youngjae hasn’t slept, not even a wink. Usually that’s not something new as being an idol requires them to be awake 25 hours day, sometimes going through 30 hours without proper sleep. They’d be tired down to their bones and could barely keep their eyes open.

Sometimes it’s because they’re in a foreign country, the time zone messing up with their system that Youngjae needs to be awake the usual time that he should’ve been asleep back in his dorm in Korea.

But tonight was neither of those things. Youngjae didn’t have any schedule to keep him up awake, he has been on his bed since 9PM because he opted out of going out with his friends. Going with them would mean he has to talk and make conversation, but the thing is that Youngjae is not up for it. There’s really only one person he wants to talk to right now.

 

The sun was rising and Youngjae’s eyes snapped open. He had fallen asleep or had taken a nap,  _ finally _ . It was around 3AM that he’s finally felt the tugs of drowsiness washing over him, especially after spending the whole night awake on his bed and staring at the ceiling. But now it was morning, another day.

Without wasting any moment he grabbed his phone and checked the screen.

No messages from his Jaebum hyung.

There was a telltale sign of Youngjae’s heart aching. He doesn’t know what it was, but it sort of reminds him of that time in his childhood when his parents wouldn’t agree to him taking extra vocal lessons. It was disappointment mixed with sadness and sprinkled with pain.

Youngjae sort of wants to go lie down and cry himself to sleep.

So he does just that, curling back to bed and hiding himself under his blanket before he let the tears wash over his face. Sleep came faster than it had the night before.

 

When Youngjae woke up next it was to the knock on his door, close to actual banging. He isn’t surprised, he was sure he locked it last night because he was planning to read the book (he wasn’t able to, the thoughts of Jaebum hyung haunting him to the point that the words blurred in front of him).

After tumbling out of bed and rubbing his eyes, he goes to open the door to see Seunghoon in mid-knock. His manager had an annoyed expression that immediately melted to concern when he saw Youngjae. He must’ve looked horrible and he definitely feels like it.

“Good morning, hyung.” Youngjae mumbles out, rubbing his eyes because it hurts. Actually, it doesn’t just hurt but it also feels heavy and raw, as if someone spent an hour clawing it. He also feel bloated.

“Are you alright…?” Seunghoon hyung seemed to have realized his question and he shook his head. “I mean, what happened to you? Did anybody die?”

Youngjae tried to smile, but all he ended up doing was wincing because his head sort of really hurts right now. “I’ll be fine, hyung.” he just answered, supposedly to assure his manager but he was pretty sure that wasn’t doing it’s job. “Did you need anything? Did I miss any schedule?”

Seunghoon shook his head, gaze pinned on Youngjae and it makes him feel uncomfortable. After what seemed to be hours, but was actually just a few seconds, he finally shook his head as if clearing his head. “No schedules for today, but I was going to ask if you wanted to come with me to the company…” he trailed off, obviously thinking this was a bad idea.

“Can I just stay at home and sleep, hyung?” Youngjae asked, feeling the tiredness of the night before seeping to his bones. “I just really want to…”  _ sleep, lie down and never wake up again. _

Seunghoon gave him a nod, a completely worried look and then his manager was walking back and let Youngjae close the door. After locking it again, he backs away and sits down on his bed to rub his face with his hands.

“Hyung…” Youngjae whispers and then reached out for his phone. No text messages. Of course. The pain that went through his chest probably shouldn’t hurt this much, but it does and it makes him feel suffocated. “Why aren’t you answering, hyung?”

Quickly typing up a  _ good morning hyung  _ and sending it, he lies down on his bed and covers his eyes with his arms. The tears wouldn’t stop falling.

 

“BREAK FOR TEN AND THEN WE’RE MOVING TO SHOOT THE ART SHOP SCENE!” Bambam belowed, his voice carried throughout the small bedroom. Everyone grunted an agreement or so and then it was followed by footsteps and scruffs of equipments being dragged.

Jinyoung stayed on the bed, sweat clinging to his skin as the sun continued beating down through the open window. The clock on the wall informs him it’s almost noon and he really wants a cold shower and food, definitely food.. But he’s pretty sure Bambam wasn’t planning on stopping anytime soon.

Something cold pressed on Jinyoung’s cheeks and he looks up to see Mark holding out a cold bottle of water to him. Smiling gratefully, he took it and uncapped it, downing half in one gulp. The cool water was able to calm him a little, bring back some of the sanity he felt was leaving him earlier. But not enough.

“I have a chocolate bar here.” Mark said, taking out the small sweet and it looks like it has probably melted in the other’s clothes. “I was going to eat it, but I think you probably need it more right now.”

Normally Jinyoung would complain a little, maybe say no and wait for the other side to offer it again. But his hunger wins over his pride today and he immediately takes the offered food, tearing the packet open and a huge bite followed. He doesn’t even care that he looks like he’s ravaging the melted chocolate bar.

“Lunch probably won’t be for another hour or so.”  _ Two,  _ they both know.

Jinyoung was about to answer, but was interrupted with Jimin throwing a pile of clothes at him. She was standing there and was looking at him patiently, arms crossed and the bag of make-up at the floor. Oh.

“Can I just finish this? Real fast, I promise.” Jinyoung begs, taking another bite to prove his point. He’s just really hungry at this point that he’s forgotten manners.

Jimin looked like she wanted to argue, probably given directions to make Jinyoung finish his change of outfit as fast as possible. But she eventually let out a huge sigh. “Eat that fast. Don’t choke on it. Get dressed and call me.” she wagged her finger at the both of them. “Bambam’s patience is being tested because… well you know who’s not here yet.”

If Jinyoung froze, he didn’t mean to. He really didn’t, but the guilty look Jimin sent his way was proof enough.

“Just call me back when you’re done, oppa. I’ll just be outside.” she said hurriedly, leaving the bag of make-up on the floor and fleeing to the door. At the slam of the door behind her, she leaves an unsettling atmosphere in the room.

Because Jinyoung didn’t want to deal with it, didn’t want to deal with the name left unmentioned, he just continued biting on the chocolate bar and alternately sipping water. He concentrated on the sweetness melting on his tongue and the sweltering heat burning through his skin because the alternative would be to remember the feeling of embarrassment brought by… the name better left unmentioned.

Jinyoung can’t wait for the day to over.

 

 

> **_CHAPTER 12: You and I_ **
> 
> _ It was new. New was the only word that Junior could come up at the top of his head about the feelings overwhelming his chest right now. Because even if everything about this scene was nothing technically  _ new _ , the feeling is. _
> 
> _ “Junior, do I make you nervous?” JB’s voice snaps Junior out of his thoughts and the smirk on the other’s face makes him scowl. When the other chuckled, Junior walked faster than him and was only able to take three steps before a warm hand was holding his wrist. “Hey, wait for me.” _
> 
> _ Junior deadpans, “I don’t know. You make me nervous. Maybe you should step away.” But he doesn’t move again, lets JB catch up to him until they were side by side again. _
> 
> _ “There, I think this is _

 

Youngjae flips through the chapter. He’s read this already, seeing as he already finished chapter 15 a few moments ago. He loved chapter 15, truly loved the tension between JB and Taeyong. He’s excited to see what would happen and who will win because he was pretty sure Taeyong was up to something.

But the thing is, he was 99.99% sure that it wasn’t going to be something good. And right now,  _ something good _ is definitely something he needs. He doesn’t know how much his heart would be able to take if something happens to either Junior or JB, his tears had finally dried and his eyes feels heavy still.

“Where is it…?” Youngjae scanned the pages before him. In a rash decision to re-read his favorite part and maybe cheer him up as well, he goes back to chapter 12. Back when everything was happy and fun, back when things were easy, back when--he stops. Dwelling on it will bring back the tears.

When he finally found the part he was looking for, he sits properly and continues to read.

 

> _ Junior sort of hates the Han river. Even though it was supposed to be where JB had first seen him and it’s supposed to be mushy and cheesy, but he doesn’t like it here. Last time they were here on a picnic, Junior was left to walk back to his apartment. Alone. _
> 
> _ JB assured him that wasn’t the case today. _
> 
> _ “I’m not going away today, I promise.” JB laughs at Junior attempting to walk away from the blanket spread out. “Come on. Let’s eat before it gets dark and then we can stare at the sky and all that.” _
> 
> _ Junior wanted to complain, maybe whine a little just so he doesn’t appear too eager. But he was hungry and JB promised food. So he sits down with a huge sigh and hopes JB will see. His attentions, however, were immediately dragged away from complaining and into his eyes looking at the food in wonder. _
> 
> _ In between Junior complaining, JB had pulled out two burgers that smelled like it has bacon inside it. There’s a huge box of pizza, the cheese melted so perfectly and Junior would bet that if he removed a slice right now there would be a web of cheese. There’s also fries at the side, not to mention the cheese dip along with it. _
> 
> _ And as if to top it off, JB brought out a bottle of red wine and two glasses before filling it up. _
> 
> _ “What is this?” Junior asks, raising an eyebrow as he takes a seat across JB. _
> 
> _ “Food.” JB answered, smirking at him again. He handed the glass of wine over to Junior and then took a sip from his. “My favorite.” _
> 
> _ Snorting, Junior takes a sip of his own and realizes that yeah, JB was right. The wine tastes great, but he puts the glass down and goes for the pizza. He doesn’t care about drinks, it’s the food he’s in here for. _
> 
> _ JB laughs, as if he knows what Junior was thinking. _
> 
> _ That was how the next hour passed, Junior eating most of the food while JB drank most of the wine. The number of people around them multiplied to two, but even in the crowd it still felt like they were just the two of them. When the dark fell, the food gone and the wine all finished, they cleared the blanket and lay down side by side. _
> 
> _ Even through the harsh sound of people around them, Junior felt comforted with JB beside him and their hands touching. It was new, but not really. It felt like new, that was for sure. So Junior doesn’t move, doesn’t say anything because he’s not sure he wants to destory this moment. It was quiet between the two of them, calming and slow. For the first time since they first met, everything felt… okay. _

 

Youngjae jumped when his phone rang and he almost dropped the book in a hurry to grab it. But there was only disappointment when he saw who sent the message.

> **From** : Seunghoon hyung   
>  **Message** : I left your food in the refrigerator. Just heat it up when you’re hungry. I was going to knock, but you were probably asleep. Don’t get into any accidents! I just have to run to the company for a meeting.

The disappointment has his shoulders dropping, feeling cold all over again. He wants it to stop, wants his hands to stop shaking and wants his eyes to stop watering. So he grabs the book with shaky hands and tries to continue reading.

 

> _ “I want to be remembered.” JB was the first to break the silence. _
> 
> _ Junior turned to look at him, but JB was still facing ahead and up the sky. So he returs his gaze to the dark blanket covering Seoul. It’s a little sad there’s no stars visible though, that would have made the whole thing easier instead of staring at what seemed to be a dark abyss. _
> 
> _ “I don’t want to be forgotten,” JB whispers again, soft but loud enough to be heard through the numerous chatters between them. “I don’t want to be just another  _ someone  _ out there, Junior. I want to matter.” _
> 
> _ There was something about the way he said it or about how he sounded so honest, so open that made Junior lean over and _

 

Youngjae hears another ding in his phone and this time his book falls on the floor in his hurry to check his phone. And like earlier, disappointment washes over him and he throws his phone to the bed before following it.

Jaebum hyung still hasn’t replied to him.

 

There was a fresh wave of tears falling down Jinyoung’s face as he slams the door of the washroom. He probably shouldn’t, someone could see him and think he’s being dramatic. But he couldn’t help it.

Washing his face with cold water was the first thing he does, but it was a little too late. His face was already red and blotchy, his eyes red rimmed and his nose clogging. When he sees how horrible he looks, he stops his sobs with his palms.

All he wants to do is lie down on his bed, sleep and never wake up again. His body wants nothing but to collapse all over the tiled floor.

Jinyoung was tired.

With the shoots going from 7AM until now wherein it’s already 10PM, they’ve only had lunch break of 30 minutes and a dinner break of 20 minutes, Jinyoung doesn’t know what Bambam wants to achieve. He couldn’t even complain, couldn’t even say anything because… he has no  _ right  _ to.

Jaebum made that clear. Jaebum made it clear that Jinyoung was just someone who was here because of connections. He doesn’t have any right to complain, he can only go with the instructions and hopefully achieve what they wanted from him.

Jaebum who, after ruining everything Jinyoung thought was real, disappeared and left him with this mess.

There were fresh tears in his face and before he knew it, he was running inside one of the stalls and vomitting the bread he ate during dinner break. He feels like his throat was being rubbed raw and his stomach was flipped inside out. The bile in his mouth tastes horrible that when he flushed and went to wash his mouth, he feels even more horrible than when he came in.

There was a knock on the door and a voice calling out, “Jinyoung-ah? Are you there? Bambam is calling for you!” It was Mark.

Jinyoung slams his fist on the sink, not even minding the numbing pain that followed. “I’ll be there in a sec! Just. Bad stomach.” he yells back, running the tap to wash his hands.

“Okay. Just hurry up, okay? He’s a little… yeah.” Mark’s footsteps echoed until it was gone.

“Stupid asshole Im Jaebum.” Jinyoung whispers to himself, his fist clenching in anger.

When Jaebum gets back, Jinyoung will make sure to give him a piece of his mind. It doesn’t matter if Jaebum is  _ the  _ actor and Jinyoung is just a hanger-on. That stopped mattering the moment Jaebum had told the whole team just what exactly he thought of Jinyoung.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written with [Night Changes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syFZfO_wfMQ) and [Talk Me Down](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lo3lxS-6joY) as background music.

“Come here, come on…” Jaebum cooed, crouching down on the floor of his small hut with a bowl of milk on hand. He places the bowl down and reaches over until the apple of his eye comes padding to where he is. It took a minute, but soon enough the little ball of his happiness is right in front of him. “Good Nora.”

There was no answer except for the soft flicks of tongue on the milk Jaebum had placed in front of him. When he was sure the other was quite at home (or too busy devouring the milk), he reaches and starts scratching the back of Nora’s head. He was rewarded with purring and of Nora butting her head to his fingers.

Jaebum beams as he continues to rub the spot behind her ears. “Good, Nora. Do you want more? I’ll get you more when you’re done with that.” he cooes before using his free hand to reach out and grab the bottle of milk he bought to pour more on the bowl.

Nora licks through the bowl, finishing all the milk that Jaebum had poured and then meowing loudly as she licks her paw. Jaebum is so in love.

Nora finishes licking herself, took one look at Jaebum before she’s rubbing her head to his leg and purring. Taking this is a cue to pat her, Jaebum runs his fingers through her back and listened to her soft mewls.

“My beautiful baby Nora,” Jaebum laughs when she moves away only to climb on his lap. Feeling the awkward angle of him crouching down, he carries her with his whole arm and settles down on the bed before placing her on his lap. He watched how she circled his jeans before curling to herself and closing her eyes.

Even though he was awkwardly sitting down and his back aches a little, he makes sure not to move around so he wouldn’t jostle Nora awake as he gazes down on the kitty on his lap.

Nora was a cat Jaebum found yesterday night. He had slept through the whole day, lying down on his bed and only getting up to go to the toilet or to grab a new bottle of water to bring back to his bed. He hadn’t actually eaten since his first night and hey, he didn’t really have anything planned so he thought sleeping is nice.

At first he thought it was weird how his empty bottles always get knocked down, because whenever he open his eyes he sees that the ones he placed on the table before he slept are rolling down on the floor. But hey, the window is open that even if it’s summer there’s still the wind that could knock them out, right? But then when he placed a bottle still filled with water and it got knocked down, he finally realized something was off.

After staying on his bed for 15 minutes unmoving and staring at the table, he finally finds out who the culprit was. It was to the form of a cat with white fur but her face, ears and feet were matted with black. Jaebum is pretty sure he knows the breed, being a cat enthusiast, but his brain was a little off-wire and he could only gaze at her.

“Kitty?” Jaebum calls and was unsurprised when the cat jumps off the bed, knocking off the bottle he placed there, and was out of the window in a second.

Jaebum was down the mountain and into the only store ran by a sweet grandma that he met before. He asked for a bottle of milk and contemplating a little, he asked about the cat in his hut. Surely it’s not normal to find cats like that in mountains, right?

“Oh, you mean Nora? You’ve met our little girl then,” she said fondly and patted the seat next to her by the counter. Jaebum followed, it wasn’t like he was in any hurry anyway. “Sweet little girl lives in the hut you’re borrowing, she’s been there just a little over a year ago. Abandoned by a couple, tourist from Seoul.”

“So no one owns Nora?” he was already in love with the name, excited to go back and make friends with the cat.

She seemed to pause for a bit before shaking her head. “No one, really. We sometimes leave food for her outside the door, but she doesn’t want to go home with any of us.” then she proceeded to tell him about this grandpa just three houses down who tried to carry Nora back to his house but ended up with three scratches on his arm.

Jaebum smiles and raises the bottle of milk. “I’ll try and befriend her with this milk, ahjumma.” The giggle from her told Jaebum she was pleased. So he stood up and bid his goodbye, jogging back to his hut.

Nora was nowhere inside the small hut when he came back, but he fills a bowl halfway with milk and places it on the table. Then he goes back to his bed, wraps the blanket around him and waits.

Waiting didn’t end up that long, Nora was probably lured by the milk on the table or at the fact that Jaebum placed new empty bottles she could knock down. Soon she was licking at the bottom of the bowl and then looking around, when it seemed like she saw Jaebum by the corner with the bottle on his hand, she jumps down the table and onto Jaebum’s bed.

Jaebum wanted to reach out and pet her, but he knew cats didn’t work the way dogs did. So he lets her circle his bed around before settling on a spot and curling around herself to sleep. Smiling, he leaves her alone and closes his eyes while he was still sitting down.

 

“Nora-ah,” Jaebum calls, throwing the bottle to the side and letting her paw at it before it rolls away too far and she decides she’s not interested anymore. Nora was a lazy cat, which was nothing surprising. 

Nora paws at the bottle just threw, but the moment it rolls away to the left and she loses interest. Jaebum almost coos at the way Nora freezes when she realizes her toy had disappeared. But Nora doesn’t go follow it, just comes back to Jaebum’s side to rub her head to his knee.

“Smart cat.” Nora meows as if she was agreeing and Jaebum rubs his fingers through her fur, letting her mewl. “Smart cat knows when to let go, huh? Smart, pretty Nora.”

When it seemed like Nora had gotten her fill of being petted, Jaebum wraps his hands around her and hugs her close to his chest. He re-arranges his arms and her, making sure she was being carried properly before he stands up and walks out the door.

Humid summer breeze greeted Jaebum as he opened the door, the weather was sweltering today with the sun beating down on them harshly. The shade of the trees around him was the only reason he was even outside, making it a little bit easier to be out of his hut at this time of the day.

“What do you want to do, Nora-ah?” Jaebum asks and almost beams when Nora nudges his head to his chest. Suddenly beaming with pride, he walks over to the right where there was a huge tree and under it was a bench that he found on his first day. He sits down on it and lets her get off his arms and onto the dirt.

Just sitting there, Jaebum kept arranging himself between intervals with him either pulling his legs to his chest or him taking off his shoes to cross his legs on the bench as he watched Nora in front of him. She seemed intent on playing with the leaves that had fallen, jumping and running around.

There was a swelling of happiness that blossoms in his chest as Nora jumps back to his lap when she grew bored, just curling up around him. Jaebum wishes he could take a photo of this moment and keep it forever, but he forgot to bring his charger and his phone’s battery had drained already.

Content with this little bubble anyway, Jaebum lets Nora sleep on her lap and soon enough, he had dozed off on the bench.

 

Jaebum wakes up with a crick to his neck and a missing cat on his lap. Standing up to stretch his sore muscles, he enters his place so he could look for food and he bursts out laughing when finds Nora on his bed asleep.

Hungry, he lets her take over his bed as he pours milk on her bowl and places it on the table. For himself he cooks ramen and adds an egg before transferring it to his own bowl and then going to the table to sit and eat.

But it didn’t even take long before Nora was jumping up the table and joining Jaebum on his early dinner.

Who likes humans? Cats are better company. Jaebum smiles to his food as he watches Nora finish her milk. Yeah, Jaebum decides that cats are a better company and also that he’s pretty sure he’s slightly in love with Nora already.

 

It was 7:24AM and Jinyoung was promised that he would be able to sleep until 10AM that so he was not pleased to be in a closed room with Bambam in front, the other Department Leaders on their seats and Jackson at his side instead of asleep on his bed.

Bambam was pacing in front back and forth, his phone clasped on his hand tightly and he was biting his lip in obvious worry. If Jinyoung wasn’t sleepy and tired as hell, he would care a little more. But as it stands, he was sleepy and tired as hell all because of Bambam so he doesn’t care a little bit.

Dozing off a little, he was jerked away by Jackson elbowing him. Jinyoung wakes up to see Bambam finally settling in the middle of the room and looking at them. He looks really bothered, as if he was really helpless and it was not a look he thought Bambam could pull off.

“As you all know… we’ve been shooting Jinyoung hyung’s scenes for the past two days,” Bambam gestured to Jinyoung and him, not knowing what to do, just stays still until their Director continues. “This is all because our other lead actor, Jaebum hyung, had gone back to Seoul.”

The reminder makes Jinyoung twitch in anger. It reminded him that the reason that he was being pushed to shoot until he couldn’t anymore, to fit everything in the few days was because Jaebum decided to drop them and go back to Seoul. Slow burning rage, resentment and--

“Jaebum hyung is missing.” Bambam finished.

Jinyoung’s head snapped up, the whiplash threatened to break his head in half because  _ what  _ and  _ why  _ and  _ I don’t understand  _ all ran in his mind. Apparently, to everyone else too because there was a sudden buzz of conversation and questions that Bambam had to slam his hand on the desk to call the attention of everyone.

“I called his manager this morning asking where the  _ fuck  _ Jaebum hyung has been because he promised he’d be back earlier and we need to shoot his scenes too.” Bambam waves his phone as if that would help explain things. “But Jaebum apparently did not go back to Seoul nor did Seunghoon hyung ask him to come back.”

Everyone was silent.

“Jaebum hyung is missing.” Bambam repeated.

 

Shooting was postponed in favor of Bambam and everyone else on the call. Since Seunghoon said he would handle calling people that Jaebum knew to see if they’ve seen him, Bambam decided to put everyone in teams to look around the shooting site and see if anyone had seen Jaebum.

Jinyoung thinks it’s utter bullshit and stupid.

Jinyoung is also locked inside his tent with Mark as company. Bambam told specifically not to  _ leave  _ because he didn’t need another missing actor. So he’s been locked in and Jackson has been dragged out for the search team.

“Can I just… walk around?” Jinyoung asked Mark for the second time in the past 5 minutes. When he got a shake of his head as a reply, Jinyoung wasn’t even surprised anymore. He just lets out a frustrated grunt and rubs his palms on his face.

“I’m so sorry about this Jinyoungie, but…” Mark looks tired as well, he was up late with them and was woken up early as well. He feels bad for his PA, but Jinyoung’s honestly  _ can’t  _ right now. “Just stay put and maybe everything will be fine.”

Jinyoung doesn’t really believe him, but he doesn’t say it out loud.

But the problem with not saying anything is that his mind works in overdrive instead. When has anything like that been a good thing? Because Jinyoung keeps coming with all these crazy scenarios. What if Jaebum had ran away and doesn’t plan on returning? What if Jaebum was kidnapped and they had no idea? What if Jaebum had killed--? What if Jaebum just wants to punish them, punish Jinyoung, for what had happened  _ that _ day?

Jinyoung had no idea what to think anymore and it’s so  _ scary _ because he has no idea what was going to happen. Everything is so fucked up and he hates it.

Sighing, he falls back on the couch and he closes his eyes. 

 

It was 6:36PM when Youngjae sees Seunghoon hyung again. The whole day his hyung has been missing, making a sudden disappearance early this morning after a phone call. Youngjae had been entrusted to their stylist and was brought to a photoshoot by a company staff.

“How was the shoot?” Seunghoon had asked, but he looked tired and wasn’t at all interested. “Are you ready to go home?” he opened the door of the van without waiting for an answer, soon walking over to the driver’s seat.

Youngjae climbs inside the van, leaning back and fully prepared to nap throughout the ride just so he could avoid any conversation. However, Seunghoon switched on the lights of the car as he backed out of the parking lot and into the roads.

“Have you talked to Jaebum lately?” Seunghoon asked casually, but Youngjae had known their manager long enough to know it’s not him being casual. It’s when he was trying to be, just pretending he’s not going to say something that could potentially ruin their day. Like that one time Youngjae thought they won the award, but Seunghoon had to let him down like this.

So Youngjae knew something bad was coming up. Something he wouldn’t like, something that could potentially have him in tears again. “Not really,” he managed to choke out, his throat feeling too dry.

Seunghoon sighed, resigned. “Figured. Youngjae, I’m about to tell you something and I don’t want you to panic,” he said and wasn’t even looking through the mirror. His manager’s eyes were concentrated on the road and his grip on the wheel was tight.

“What is it, hyung?” Youngjae was afraid, he was afraid to hear the answer.

“Jaebum seems to have ran away.”

Youngjae was absolutely not prepared to hear that.

 

Everyone was off standing inside the cramped practice room they’ve been using. The doors were locked and were guarded by only the Bambam’s most trusted, Mark and Yugyeom stood by the two doors. There was a thick tension in the air coupled with the fact that the air was too humid, the air conditioning of the room not doing a very good job at keeping it cold enough.

But no one was complaining.

“No one is leaving this  _ fucking  _ room,” Bambam’s voice yesterday was resigned, but today there was a spark in it again. The one that makes you want to finish the whole scene in one take just so he wouldn’t look at you that way. “No  _ one _ , until the one responsible for this shit comes front and admit it to our faces.”

Silence. No one was surprised anymore.

“I will give you 10 minutes to step up and admit you did it.” Bambam’s voice was final. “If no one does, in 10 minutes we’re going to confiscate your phones and tablets and even your laptops to check them one by one.”

There was a murmur of disagreement to this, complaints and shushes. Bambam wasn’t having any of it.

“Oh, you can probably file a report on me. I don’t  _ care _ ,” he told all of them, looking around the whole room. “We had an agreement and one of you broke it. So we’re going to break  _ our  _ agreement too and go through your privacy. You can sue me, but I will sue back. Don’t fucking worry.”

No one spoke.

“Your 10 minute starts now.” Bambam sat on the chair behind him, waiting.

From where Jinyoung was sitting by the back, he wasn’t expecting anyone to come out and say it. He was fully prepared to hand over his phone, it wasn’t like there was anything they would find there except for his text messages to Jackson last night. All cursing, but nothing that would mean he did it.

Why Bambam is mad right now, other than the fact that his other lead actor is missing, is the trending topic #1 Worldwide in Twitter when he woke up. When everyone woke up after a restless sleep that morning,  **#FINDJAEBUM2015** was trending with 534k tweets all demanding to find where their 2JAE leader was. In short, someone had blabbed and the secret was out.

Jinyoung (and he was sure Bambam, too) had woke up to find his mentions in Twitter flooded with hate messages and demands to know what he did to Jaebum. Not only was the fact that Jaebum was missing leaked, also the fact  _ why  _ he had gone missing. He had removed his Twitter application and turned it to silent.

“Five minutes, everyone.” Bambam called, gaze lingering on almost each and everyone of them.

The whole room goes silent again and everyone thought it would stay that way until Bambam would demand them to surrender their gadgets, but it didn’t even last a fill minute before someone raised their hand while sobbing. Everyone turned to the girl, Props Department.

“I...I’m sorry…” she mumbled, but it was quiet enough that everyone heard anyway. “It was me. I-I didn’t mean to? I just told my best friend that Jaebum-ssi is missing because she was a huge fan. I-I forgot her Uncle is a journalist.” Then she promptly burst into tears.

Bambam watched and everyone stood still, waiting for something. 

It seemed like an eternity, but Bambam finally stood up and beckoned the girl to follow him as he exits the room. It took another minute after they were gone before the room bursted out in gossips, the topic centering on  **#FINDJAEBUM2015** still trending in Twitter and now with 924k tweets.

Jinyoung vaguely wonders how much of those were mentioning how horrible of a person he was.

 

“What? What was the emergency?” Jackson was panting as he arrives in front of Jinyoung’s tent. He was with Bambam on a search, about to move to a neighbour City before he received the call from Mark asking him to come back. “What was it?”

Mark looked skittishly at the tent and then at Jackson, as if silently asking him not to make him say it. So Jackson took pity and entered the tent to see for himself.

“Jinyoung-ah, Mark was--” Jackson almost immediately dropped the greetings as he swept to the room and onto the couch, wrapping his arms around Jinyoung’s form. He moved his best friend so he was leaning over him, the other’s head nestled and tucked in Jackson’s neck. “Jinyoung-ah…”

The thing is, Jinyoung isn’t really the type of person who would cry because of a fight. In any other situation, Jinyoung would be the one sane enough to talk through a problem, sane enough to think through issues. So when Jackson sees him helpless and shit, he can’t help but feel his heart break.

How many of these tears had been because of Jaebum? How many of these tears is for himself?

“Jinyoungie…” Jackson rubbed his best friend’s back, feeling the hot tears spilling on his skin. He doesn’t necessarily care, but it would be better if Jinyoung wasn’t crying in the first place. “Jinyoung-ah… Park Jinyoung… Nyoungie…”

“Sseun…” Jinyoung finally spoke, voice so broken and so small.

“Why are you crying, idiot?” Jackson asked, patting the other’s head.

Jinyoung didn’t answer at first, but the tears seemed to have stopped flowing and he stopped shaking. So Jackson let him take his time, let him pick up his words and on his own way. He’s done pushing Jinyoung.

“It’s my fault, isn’t it?” Jinyoung asks again, voice breaking into a sob before he finished. But he had stopped crying, that was important.

Jackson doesn’t answer, not particularly sure he wanted to answer. The thing is that Jinyoung was both right and wrong. He was a little at fault, but so is Jackson and everyone else. Including Jaebum himself. And since Jaebum was nowhere to be found, they had too many questions and not enough answers.

Luckily, or not really, Jackson was saved from answering as a ball of what seemed to be Choi Youngjae entered the room and immediately latched onto Jinyoung’s back. Jackson feels it rather than sees it, how Youngjae probably slumped to the back of Jinyoung. Judging by the new sniffing in the room, probably crying as well.

“Hyung…” Youngjae’s voice was thick with tears and Jackson didn’t need to be a detective to know that Youngjae must’ve been crying even before he got here. 

There was a little shuffling and Jinyoung moved away from Jackson to wrap Youngjae around his arms instead. Since the couch is too small to fit three people, two of whom had their legs tucked under them, Jackson stood up to give them space. He was right, Youngjae’s face was red and his eyes were puffy around the edges.

“Hyung, hyung, hyung…” Youngjae chants, his head tucked under Jinyoung’s chin just like how Jinyoung’s was tucked under Jackson earlier. “Where is he…?”

Jackson suddenly feels really bad for Youngjae because even though Jinyoung was in a similar state, Youngjae had so much at stake. Not only was he alone right now, unlike Jinyoung who has Jackson, he also didn’t know what had happened. He probably was wondering why Jaebum hadn’t been replying to him for days and then suddenly finds out his hyung had gone missing.

The saddest part is, Jackson doesn’t relate. He understands, but he doesn’t relate and it makes him feel like he’s intruding on something important. So he stands up and slowly walks away, leaving the two of them inside. Mark was there by the side and he looks up immediately, but then looks down again when he sees Jackson.

“Make sure they’re not disrupted?” Jackson tells Mark who nodded. He pats the other’s back before he walks away, fully intending to search for Jaebum and bring him back.

 

Jinyoung hates how vulnerable he feels, how shake he is. He hates how much tears he had shed just for Im Jaebum within the couple of months they’ve known each other. Hates how affected he is just because of the other’s disappearance.

As he has Youngjae’s head on his shoulders, the boy having fallen asleep after crying his heart out, Jinyoung feels even horrible. How could he had ruined so much? How could he end up with Youngjae in tears and Jaebum missing?

But there was nothing he could do. #FINDJAEBUM2015 was still tending with now 1.3M tweets and Youngjae eyes are still bloodshot. Jinyoung is still a mess.

 

Shrugging off his shirt and replacing it with a tank top, Jaebum laughs when he felt Nora on his leg. Hurriedly changing out of his jeans and into his boxers, he grabs his little girl into his arms and walks to the kitchen to pour milk on her bowl.

“Were you hungry, baby?” Jaebum cooed as he put her down to let her drink. He rubbed the back of her ears as he watched her. “You should’ve come with me earlier. Everyone was nice and they would’ve loved to see you.”

Nora meowed at him before turning back to her drink.

“What did you do today, girl?” Jaebum asked, leaning over. “The karaoke with the grandparents by the village was fun. They had this really old karaoke machine that has songs only until 2005. I think I sang Bumsoo sunbae’s I Miss You way too many times tonight.”

Nora didn’t answer him this time, just continued to lap at the remnant of the bowl in front of her.

Jaebum smiles at her when she finished and went to lick at his finger, probably tasting the milk that he accidentally spilled on himself. “It was really fun and they let me drink a little. Would’ve been better if you were though,” he watched her as she finished and then jumped off the table to curl up on her spot on his bed.

It was his signal that it was time to sleep. So he goes to brush his teeth and wash his face before slipping in under the covers, Nora sleeping soundly beside him. Smiling, he closes his eyes and lets himself fall asleep.

 

Jinyoung wakes up to a start and the movement causes the boy beside him to sit up as well. They were still on the couch and the pain on his back tells him they've fallen asleep in an uncomfortable position.

“Is there something wrong, hyung?” Youngjae mumbled, rubbing his eyes as he blinked at him.

Jinyoung reaches out for his phone and sees 10:24PM. The tent was dark which meant Mark or someone must’ve switched off their lights and placed a blanket on them. He shook his head at Youngjae before standing up to stretch his arms.

_ I hate you. _

_ This is all your fault, isn’t it? _

_ You and your pride, but you’re honestly just all talk aren’t you? And what? You think you-- _

The nightmare felt far too real. Jaebum saying that he hated him…

“We should move to a bed, Youngjae-ah.” Jinyoung said, taking off the blanket and helping Youngjae stand up.

The dream felt far too real and the fact that Jinyoung is afraid right now, hands shaking and everything feeling fucked up, says that he’s worried. That he cares.

Jinyoung doesn’t know what to make of it.

 

It has been 4 days since Jaebum had packed up his bags and left, lying to Yugyeom who has been nothing but nice to him. It has been 4 days since he abandoned all connection without meaning to, his phone’s battery had died the first day and since he forgot to bring his charger, so there’s that.

Today being the fifth day means his return to the real world is just a few days away and for some reason, Jaebum doesn’t really  _ want  _ to yet. Other than the fact that he would most likely be screamed at and the complications that would follow, he doesn’t really want to face everyone yet.

Not Seunghoon hyung who would be either worried or disappointed in him, worse  _ both _ .

Not Bambam who is probably going into hysterics because Jaebum had fucked up his schedule of the movie and thus, proved how horrible of an actor he was.

Not Youngjae who might have hurt him, but was still one of the most important person in his life and is more likely berating himself for this.

Most definitely  _ not  _ Jinyoung who is a complication. Jinyoung is complicated and Jaebum  _ honestly  _ has no idea what they are and why they are this way. It’s like they fast-forwarded things way too much, way too many times for anyone to remember what they really are.

“Are you okay there, son?” Jaebum was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard grandma Youngmi who owns the place enter his hut without announcement. She was carrying a pot that smells extremely like  _ samgyetang  _ and it makes Jaebum’s mouth water.

“Good morning, noona!” Jaebum grins when she laughs at him. He stood up to help her place the steaming pot on the table and the bowl of rice, kimchi and tofu. His mouth is definitely watering now. “You shouldn’t have bothered, noona! This must’ve been hard to bring up here.”

Swatting his arm, she looked at him sternly, “I saw how many packets of ramyun you bought from Miyoung-ah yesterday and I’m sure you’ve only been eating them.” she makes a point to look at the open cabinet where the ramen packs are stored.

Jaebum scratches the back of his head, as if he was a 7 year old child caught stealing the rice cakes his Mom had made for the neighbours, “I’m sorry, noona? But thank you for the food! It smells delicious already.” he says honestly as he sits down.

It was obvious she didn’t just come there to bring him food because soon she was placing the dishes in front of him that reminds him so distinctly of  _ home  _ and the grandma he has that he’s never visited. She patted his hair and told him to eat while she went over to the sink to wash his bowl from this morning.

When Jaebum takes his first sip of  _ samgyetang _ , he feels like he was in heaven. “This tastes amazing, noona!” he sips one more spoonful. He was possibly giddy with how good it tastes, especially since it was actually  _ home cooked _ .

She just laughed from where she was cleaning up the dishes, letting Jaebum eat in quiet. He wasn’t even halfway done when she announced she had to go back down or else her grandson Junho who is visiting with his Mum might come up here.

“Oh, I don’t mind.” Jaebum told her, but was replied with an eyebrow raise. “What, noona?”

“He’s 5 years old and he slipped and broke his leg the last time he was here. I don’t want a repeat.” she told him before patting his arm. “Just give back the dishes tomorrow and give it back  _ washed _ , okay son?”

“Of course, noona! Thank you so much.” Jaebum waves at her as she leaves the hut and he goes back to his seat. He finishes all the chicken, rice and side dishes in no time. Definitely the best meal he’s had in years (it really has been years since he last visited his Mom).

When he stands up with his dishes, he finds Nora sitting by the sink and was watching him. Immediately placing a smile on his face, he puts his dishes in before grabbing Nora’s bowl and the new bottle of milk he bought.

Sometimes Jaebum wishes he could just stay in this universe where he wakes up and exercises, feeds his cat, go down to greet some of the villagers and spend time with them before going back to his humble home and play with Nora. He would seriously miss this all.

 

“Yes, but with more pain and as if you’re empty.” Bambam instructs Jinyoung when he entered to listen for the first 10 minutes. He kept looking at his watch and Jinyoung kept getting distracted, so one can guess what the end product was. “I have to go now, but Wonpil hyung here and Jae hyung will watch over.”

“Okay.” Jinyoung answers through the microphone and sees Bambam wave at everyone before leaving.

Without any hitch, Jae’s voice floated through the recording room with instructions on where to start. Jinyoung confirms he knows where after flipping through the script and he gives Wonpil a thumbs up which was returned. Soon the red light that signals the start of the recording lights up.

Jinyoung gets into character.

 

It was only when Jae was happy enough with the recordings of his voice overs that Jinyoung was allowed to leave the cramped recording studio that they had rented for the whole day. They were supposed to record these after the shoot, but since they had free time now…

“Do you want to go get dinner somewhere?” Jae had asked, Wonpil walking by his side and was going through his phone.

Jinyoung shook his head. “I’m not really up to… staying outside.” he cringed, not intending to. Both Jae and Wonpil looked at him worriedly because they remember a group of girls throwing rocks at Jinyoung this morning when they left the shooting site. It was only lucky that they didn’t hit anything that hurt too much.

“Okay, we’ll just order in later.” Jae patted his back.

When they got in the car, Jinyoung refused to look outside the window and see the same girls that followed them from the shooting site. All of them were staring directly through the tinted glasses, as if they know he can see them.

“Just hold on tight, man.” Jae said from the driver’s seat.

“Don’t mind them.” Wonpil added.

Jinyoung feels even guiltier.

 

Youngjae wasn’t in his tent when he got back, nor was his PA Mark. When he asked Jimin this, their make-up artist passing by with her head down and was staring at a piece of paper, she told him Bambam order to have Youngjae brought to his own room.

“You were so depressing together everyone was becoming the same way,” she explained, hands on her waist. Jinyoung doesn’t want to admit she looks threatening like this. “So Mark oppa took Youngjae to a spare room.”

“B-but Youngjae needs someone to be with him, I don’t think--”

“Mark oppa will be staying with him, don’t worry.” Jimin answered, a sudden spark in her eyes tells Jinyoung he’s missing something. “And we know that, but I don’t think the two of you should be staying together with how you’re…”

Jinyoung just nods his head and saves her from admitting they were being pathetic. He enters his tent and finds Jackson asleep on the couch, a cup of still hot chocolate drink on the table and a note that says  _ Don’t cry anymore!  _ Smiling without the camera for the first time since the whole mess happened, he took the cup and sipped a little.

Jinyoung wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he knows he has the most amazing best friend in the whole world. Even if said best friend keeps important stuff secret from him.

 

Youngjae was becoming restless, Mark could tell. The boy was sitting on the bed with his phone confiscated (Seunghoon didn’t want him to post anything in his state of mind) and had been staring at the wall for the past hour since he woke up. Mark had no idea what to do.

When Mark was tasked to bring Youngjae to a spare room yesterday, he thought that was it and he could leave to join the search team while Jinyoung was off recording. After all, #FINDJAEBUM2015 is still trending #1 for the second day with 3.8M tweets now. Everyone is becoming worried.

“Hyung… don’t leave me?” Mark could still hear Youngjae’s small voice when he asked him yesterday. Mark was about to leave, he really was, but he couldn’t bare to watch this boy feel so down. So he agreed and he stayed.

Now the problem is that 24 hours since it had happened, Mark still hasn’t said a word. Well a word that doesn’t have anything to do with “What do you want to eat?” “Here’s your meal.” “Is there anything you need?”. Basically, it’s been an awkward 24 hours that Youngjae might have just spent it alone with how Mark was acting.

It’s just that Youngjae makes Mark nervous.

“Hey hyung…?” Youngjae broke the 3 hour silence and Mark has never snapped up his head so fast. The boy was still on the bed, feets crossed under him as he stared at Mark with red rimmed eyes. “Can you get me a copy of the book, please?”

Mark blinked twice. “Uh, what book…?”

This had Youngjae looking at him as if he was crazy. “Uhm.  _ The  _ book? The book this movie is based on?” he tilted his head to the side, looking every bit as confused. “I forgot to bring mine with me because Seunghoon hyung… he, yeah. Just. Is there any copy here?”

Mark suddenly felt stupid and would have banged his head to the wall if not for the fact that Youngjae was still looking at him. Maybe later when he leaves the room. “Yeah, I think we do have them in the Costume Department. I’ll come and bring you one.” he stands up to leave the room.

“Thank you, hyung!” Mark makes the mistake of looking back to see Youngjae smiling at him. It was small, barely a smile at all, but it was warm and so much better than the boy crying. Mark would probably be blinded if Youngjae sends a real and genuine smile his way.

The first thing Mark does when he gets outside and finds a solid hallway was to bang his head on the wall.

 

 

> **_CHAPTER 16: Hello Again_ **
> 
> _ There was only darkness and the cold tiled floor when Junior opened his eyes. It was uncomfortable and tight and cramped. His head feels dizzy as if he had been knocked over. He opened his eyes and realized why. _
> 
> _ With his eyes binded and his arms and legs tied, Junior remembers faintly what had happened and this makes the panic in his throat to rise. His last memory of something hitting the back of his head and his mouth being covered by a large palm resurfaces. _
> 
> _ It wasn’t before long before he felt a handkerchief being pressed to his nose and mouth. The darkness consumed him once more. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ When Junior next opened his eyes, he wasn’t blind folded anymore but he was tied down to a chair and his mouth was covered with tape. It would be a bitch to remove later, but he currently doesn’t think he’ll survive until later. He looked around, the realization that he didn’t know where he was, he thinks, is pretty normal. But he somehow knew where he was. _
> 
> _ “Welcome, Junior ssi.” _
> 
> _ Junior turned to his side to see someone standing there. A man wearing a pristine red suit, hair slicked back and eyes staring at him as if pinning him to place. The way the man walked and the way the man’s face was void of any emotion, well it reminded him of someone. _
> 
> _ “As you seem to be preoccupied…” the man smirked, “I will do all the talking. Is that fine?” _
> 
> _ No. But seeing as Junior couldn’t answer, he just stared at the man blankly. _
> 
> _ “My name is Taeyong and I am… JB’s right hand man.” The man, Taeyong, bowed a little as if he was putting of a show. “You are in JB’s office… as a surprise for my boss.” _
> 
> _ Junior couldn’t concentrate, the words blurring in front of him. All he could hear ringing in his mind is: JB JB JB JB JB JB JB JB JB and nothing else. JB. This was JB’s right hand man, a mafia member. This was JB’s office, a mafia headquarters. And Junior was here. _
> 
> _ “Oh my boss didn’t ask me to get you, don’t worry. I do remember he said he wasn’t going to come near you again because he didn’t want to hurt you,” Taeyong told him, sitting on the desk to stare directly at Junior’s line of vision. “But JB hyung has been… out of himself. He’s always sad. So I brought you here to make him not sad anymore.” _
> 
> _ It was a classic speech, mean to endear the one speaking to the one listening. But there was something about Taeyong, about how he speaks and how he looks at Junior that brings red alarm bells in his head. His mind tells him not to trust Taeyong. _
> 
> _ “I saw your little painting by the way,” Taeyong smirks as he jumps down and walks behind Junior to grab something. When he shows himself in front of Junior again, the man was holding the painting he had brought with him. He smiles at Junior, “You’re a really great painter.” _
> 
> _ Junior wouldn’t have said thanks even if he could speak. _
> 
> _ Taeyong stared at him right in the eye before _

 

“NO!” Youngjae screamed, startling Mark from where he was going through his phone at the side.  He looked at Mark, a pout on his lips. “Hyung? Can you come here?”

Mark blinked, locking his phone and sliding it in the pocket of his hoodie. He stood up and stood beside Youngjae on the bed and waited. But the boy patted the space beside him so Mark had no choice but to sit on it, their thighs pressed together that he could feel Youngjae shaking a little.

“Just please sit with me while I read the book?” Youngjae asked, almost as if he was afraid of the answer. He moved closer, their arms now pressed together that Mark couldn’t stop himself from freezing up. “It’s just that… this part? Junior is in the hands of Taeyong? And I’m 101% sure Taeyong is a mean man.”

Mark, who had read the book  _ and  _ the script already knew what was going to happen and that Youngjae was going to need it, so he offers his sincerest smile. “I’ll be here when you need me.” he said and the answering smile from Youngjae made him weak in the knees.

 

A chapter and a half later, Youngjae was lying down on Mark’s lap as he tried to calm the boy down by murmuring words of comfort and running his fingers to his hair. The book lay abandoned on the side, still open at the last page that Youngjae had read before he really couldn’t hold in his tears anymore.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Mark wished he knew something better to say, but words has always been his worst enemy.

“B-but hyung!” Youngjae surprised Mark by abruptly sitting up, facing him and was  _ so  _ close that Mark could count the tears on his eyelashes. “You don’t understand! Taeyong just  _ ripped  _ the painting in front of Junior. He ripped the painting that Junior poured all his  _ feelings  _ on! In front of him!”

Mark really has no answer to that, but luckily Youngjae doesn’t seem to be expecting an answer.

“And Taeyong made JB think that Junior had come in his office just to do that!” Youngjae sounded so passionate about this, as if he couldn’t believe this was happening. “As if Junior would spend tons of hours painting JB’s smiling face  _ just  _ to rip it apart?!”

Mark knows this scene, knows that Jinyoung is currently tied up in a chair somewhere shooting the exact scene that Youngjae was talking about. He guessed it was a great idea that they separated the two of them or else there was probably hell to pay.

“I can’t believe JB would even believe this! I thought he knew how important that painting was to Junior!” Youngjae face palmed.

“Junior did it once before though, he destroyed--” Mark shut up when he saw Youngjae’s disbelieving faced aimed at him.

“That was different, hyung!” Youngjae looked like he had been betrayed. Now Mark knows why all of Youngjae’s fans can’t help but do anything the boy wanted. “The thing is that Junior hadn’t spent pouring out his feelings to his fingertips as he painted those! He painted those because he wanted to showcase them, but they were rejected. See? The author connected these things and he showed that when Junior’s art was destroyed this time, it wasn’t because of him!”

No, Mark didn’t see it. He wasn’t really the type to go through the deep meanings of the books he’s read, but he nods along and lets Youngjae rant. It looks like the boy needed it.

“Taeyong that mean man!” Youngjae moves away finally to flop on the bed, back first. He crosses his arms and was pouting still, forehead knotted together. “Junior needs to be rescued and all JB thinks is that the other hates him now. What’s going to happen?”

Mark wanted to suggest that Youngjae read the next chapter, but something tells him it would probably not be appreciated. So he follows Youngjae and lies back, staring at the ceiling.

“Do you want something to eat to ease your broken heart?” Mark asked.

“A cup of Americano and fries.” Youngjae answers without missing a beat.

“I’ll get you a cup of coffee if you promise not to leave the room and go to the shooting site  _ or  _ look for… for your hyung.” Mark warned, the last part coming out weird. But Youngjae didn’t seem to mind.

“I promise, hyung. I’ll be here reading the book again.” Youngjae raised the book as if proof.

Mark thought that was good enough so he leaves the room and runs to the car, ready to drive to the nearest Starbucks which was 30 minutes away.

 

When Mark gets back and hands the Venti Iced Americano and the peppermint brownies he bough to Youngjae, he was greeted with the boy crying in both from the book and from tears of joy at the food.

“You’re the best Mark hyung.” Youngjae announced after taking a sip of the coffee. “You’re my new favorite hyung.”

Mark doesn’t have any answer for that.

 

On the seventh day since Jaebum had disappeared, everyone was getting skittish. Bambam looked like he hasn’t slept in a week (which, to be honest, was probably the case) and was snapping on even the  _ slightest  _ mistake. And since everyone was on the end of their nerves, there was a lot of mistakes happening.

The only reason Jinyoung hasn’t accidentally kicked anyone or made a fool of himself was because he was still tied to the chair, the scene from yesterday being continued. All he had to do was sit on the chair, pretend he was trying to get out and look as desperate as possible with only his eyes to do the job.

However, even if the scene was going for shit, no one seems to even realize it.

It has been a full week since Jaebum had gone. Yugyeom has been kicking himself for being stupid and no one has been consoling him. Jinyoung had been blaming himself, worriedly looking at his phone as if Jaebum will suddenly call (it’s not like he has the idol’s number in the first place). Youngjae even worse, burying himself in the book and according to Mark, becoming more and more teary.

Nothing was working. No one has seen Jaebum after Yugyeom had left him that night.

Jaebum wasn’t in his parent’s house nor in any of their relative’s house. Jaebum hadn’t seen nor told his friends, not even the ones who live in University dorms. Jaebum hasn’t rented a room or a house in any of the ones they found. Jaebum hadn’t left the country, at least, his passport was still in Seunghoon’s hands.

But Jaebum had disappeared, had just gone without a trace. The only thing he left was the messy change of clothes in the Costume Department and his phone’s charger.

“Will he appear again?” Dahyun asked Jimin who just shook her head, having no idea of the answer.

“Is he coming back?” Jae had asked Bambam, script in hand and checking the shots they had finished.

“I want to see him again.” Youngjae says as he buries his tear stained cheeks on Mark’s favorite shirt.

“I just want a second chance.” Jinyoung tells Jackson, plopping down on the couch and clutching on his phone. He had deleted his Twitter app so he wasn’t tempted to check his mentions, but he had ended up opening Naver earlier and the article on Jaebum was still on the top 10 most talked about.

“Hey, stop punishing yourself for it.” Jackson wraps an arm around Jinyoung’s shoulders. His best friend immediately laid his head on his. “Jaebum will be found. This mess might get cleaned up. We’ll fix this.”

But Jackson was the only one who was holding his hopes high.

 

Funny how Jaebum arrived in this village with only his bag full of stolen clothes from the Costume Department and now that he’s leaving he has a bag full of containers after containers of side dishes, another bag full of vegetables, a cage containing his baby girl Nora and promises to come back sometime soon.

“Bring Nora when you come back!” Grandma Miyoung from the store reminded him, patting his arm.

“I’ll kick out anyone that’s renting your hut when you come back.” Grandma Youngmi promised.

Some other grandmas and grandpas he had bonded with during the karaoke night came to say goodbye too, shaking his hand and/or kissing his cheeks. It was enough to make Jaebum not want to go back home, but he knew this wasn’t where he was supposed to be.

“I’ll come back soon! I’ll bring a lot of food with me.” Jaebum had promised just before he boarded the last bus to Seoul. It was 9:26PM, 4 minutes before the bus was about to depart. He has at least 4 hours of travel time from here to his Mom’s house.

There were only about 6 people inside the bus, 4 grandmas that were asleep at where they were sitting and 2 grandpas that were talking in hushed tone about the country’s economy. Jaebum sat at the very back, placing Nora’s cage just beside him and then patting her through the gap.

“It’s okay, girl. We’ll arrive in Seoul soon.” Jaebum said in a hushed voice, probably not great to draw attention to himself. Nora didn’t look amused about being caged, but he didn’t really want to leave her alone  _ or  _ to just carry her himself. She looked away, obviously displeased.

Jaebum sighed and took out the bottle that Grandma Youngmi gave him, letting Nora suck on it so she could drink milk. Being fed had put Nora in a good mood that by the time the bus was cruising through the dark night, she wasn’t scratching the bars anymore.

Jaebum holds onto the handle and lets himself fall asleep through the ride.

 

Jaebum’s Mom wasn’t really that surprised to find his son knocking on their door at 1:24AM nor that he was carrying way too many things. She let him in and watched him take out container after container of what smelled like kimchi, tofu, egg rolls, bokchoy, daegujeon and kkakdugi. She didn’t even bat an eyelash when he took out a bag full of radishes and cabbages, placing them on the table.

Then he let out the cat, immediately tackling her to the ground and patting her head.

All she said is, “Youngjae ssi is allergic to cats.”

Jaebum was still grinning, nuzzling his nose at Nora’s. “Yeah, that’s why I’m keeping her here.”

Sighing, Jaebum’s Mom went back to the bedroom. Jaebum was old enough, he could take care of things. She slipped under the covers, threw an arm around her husband and hoped that Jaebum wouldn’t attempt cooking.

That was a problem for tomorrow, though.

 

When Jaebum was at the back of his Mom’s car being driven back to the shooting site, he had so many scenarios of what was going to happen the moment he steps inside of the door. He hasn’t even told  _ anyone  _ that he was coming back so it was going to be a surprise to everyone.

Jaebum could imagine everyone going berserk on him, yelling and blaming him for the whole mess. He hasn’t used his phone to check anything after charging it at home, except to maybe take a few (a ton) photos of Nora to bring with him. So he has no idea how they were all going to react.

But Jaebum was ready. He was ready to face all of them, to prove that he was  _ worth  _ all these mess. He knows he’s fucked something up, but he won’t let that ruin anything. He will face them all.

“Hyung, you’re back!” Bambam gave one last look at him before calling over Yugyeom. “We have a rehearsal in an hour. Be ready. I’ll get Yugyeom to call you.”

Jaebum blinked, bowed his head and then turned around to walk over to his tent. No one paid him any special attention as he passed by numerous of staff and some side actors. Others bowed at him, but nothing  _ special _ .

When he got in his tent, he saw Seunghoon sitting there with his phone on his ear, but he brought it down the moment he saw Jaebum. “Oh you’re here! Good. I’ll just talk to the President. Call me if you need anything, alright? I’ll be back in a few.” he patted Jaebum’s shoulders before walking out.

Blinking, Jaebum couldn’t comprehend what had just happened. Jaebum was prepared for the worst, prepared to fight his way through it. What he wasn’t expecting was to go back to normal? Was that normal?

Not particularly interested in analyzing the mess was that a week ago, he throws his bag to the couch and then plops down next to it before opening his phone to look at photos of Nora. He has time anyway.

 

**#FINDJAEBUM2015** turned to **#WelcomeBackJaebum** in a matter of minutes. The company decided that to fix this mess was to air a broadcast in V App with Jaebum explaining where he went. Of course, they didn’t mention exactly  _ where  _ he went. Jaebum was given a script to say, telling them that he had just visited his parents and that it was all a big misunderstanding.

The company decided to just talk to him about this mess when he goes back to Seoul.

Jaebum doesn’t really care right now. He was back and that was all that should matter.

 

Yugyeom bit his lip as he stood awkwardly at the side of the tent, swaying left and right as he watched the man sitting on the couch getting his face powdered with make-up. He would usually be sitting beside him now, joking with Jimin and carrying a conversation about dancing with Jaebum.

Not today.

Not yesterday.

Most definitely, probably, not tomorrow.

“Tilt your head to the right--yes, that’s good.” Jimin murmured, working on her magic.

It’s been four days since Jaebum had come back. It has been four days of nonstop rehearsals, shootings and  _ more  _ shootings. If Bambam was horrible during Jinyoung’s shoots, he was a monster during Jaebums’ because according and Yugyeom quotes Sungjing hyung, “The flow of the shoot was not followed so even the tiniest misplaced pen on JB’s desk could ruin the whole storyline.”

Yugyeom almost snorts out loud, but he caught himself just in time. He was pretty sure Jaebum wouldn’t appreciate it. Just like how Sungjin looked honestly offended when Yugyeom asked why a misplaced pen would matter.

“Bambam, you need to educate your PAs on how movies work.” Junhyeok had spoken for Sungin, their Director of Photography busy looking at Yugyeom as if he had insulted his Mom. “Yugyeom-ah, come to my office later and I will explain why a misplaced pen can ruin the storyline, okay?”

Junhyeok  _ did  _ explain, spending a whole two hours showing Yugyeom various videos and explaining what had gone wrong with them. He waxed poetic about the flow and framings. By the time he was sent out of his way, Yugyeom regrets ever speaking out.

But four days meant a long time, their days longer than their nights and their breaks not enough to charge their bodies. The deadline was looming close though and Wonpil hyung still has to edit the whole film together which would take a whole month. Yugyeom could already tell Bambam was going to be hell to deal with during that time more than he is right now.

“Shooting starts in fifteen minutes.” Yugyeom spoke up for the first time, the silence breaking and it is so  _ awkward _ . It makes him want to run away as fast as he could and never look back. He doesn’t even like  _ productions _ , but he’s here.

“Okay. I’m almost done.” Jimin answered him, while Jaebum just gave him a quick glance before looking away.

Yugyeom will be honest, but it felt  _ so  _ cold. Whenever Jaebum gave him those looks, those cold and disinterested eyes, Yugyeom just wants the earth to swallow him whole and never spit him back out. He could feel it crawling under his skin, freezing his blood and hammering on his chest.

Jaebum was giving everyone the cold shoulder.

There was nothing else about it, no other deep explanation. The Jaebum they had spent a whole month shooting was not the Jaebum that is with them now. Well, he is, but he wasn’t the kind and cool hyung that Yugyeom met that would out him in a headlock whenever they fight about dancing styles. This Jaebum was cold and… lifeless.

“Done.” Jimin announced, already putting back her brushes inside her bag. “You’re good to go, oppa.”

Jaebum doesn’t even answer, just nods his head at her before standing up to take a look at the mirror. When he seemed to be pleased enough and when Jimin was done with her bag, the three of them walked out of the tent in stiff silence.

Yugyeom feels like he wants to hurl.

 

“Good shot!” Bambam calls from the Director’s chair, eyes buried on the screens in front of him. “Just one more take from a different angle and we’re good. Add more red on JB’s cheeks!”

Dahyun answered, “Me!” As she rushes over to Jaebum’s side to apply more red.

Yugyeom watched from the corner, Mark right beside him but was on his phone. “Has Jaebum hyung talked to you?” he couldn’t help but ask.

“No.” Mark answered. “He also hasn’t talked to Jinyoung other than their scripts during the shoots.”

_ Oh _ . There it was again, the crippling guilt climbing through his throat. The voice was back again, screaming, “ _ Your fault. Your fault. Your fault. Your fault. Your fault. Your fault. _ ” He feels his hands grow cold and his knees shake, not enough to topple over but enough to have his eyes widening in fear.

“Hey, Yugyeommie?” Mark brought him back to his senses, a hand on his arm and curious eyes pinned on him. “Are you okay?”

Yugyeom gave him a weak smile. “Yeah…” he glanced at where Bambam was talking to Jae, their faces now buried on the script instead. “I’m just going to go get some fresh air. I’ll be back soon, just tell Bambam where I went. Okay hyung?”

“Yeah, sure…” Mark didn’t look like he wanted to let Yugyeom go, but he was already halfway away.

Yugyeom just needed some place to think.

 

“Gyeommie? Gyeommie? Wake up...”

Yugyeom woke up to a hand on his arm and a familiar face too close to his face. He fell off the bench he was sleeping on and onto the grass face first, his nose hurting as it took most of the fall. Bambam giggled from where his best friend was still standing over, watching him.

“You’re mean.” Yugyeom complained as he stood up and sat on the bench instead, patting on his nose to make sure it’s still in one piece. When it was, he finally looked at where Bambam was still standing and was looking at him amusedly. “What did you want? Besides make me face plant on the grass, of course.”

Bambam giggled some more before he took the seat beside Yugyeom, making himself comfortable as he threw his legs on Yugyeom’s lap. “So this is where you have been hiding, huh? I thought you locked yourself inside the bathroom again.” his best friend smirked.

Rolling his eyes, Yugyeom tried to calm his heart down. “So why are you here?”

“Uh, I’m supposed to be the one asking that?” Bambam gestured to the open space in front of them. “We’re still shooting and  _ you _ , my beloved best friend, had disappeared and never came back.”

Yugyeom blinked, taking Bambam’s left wrist to check the watch and see that he had been asleep on the bench for two hours now. “Oh.” was the only thing he could say.

Bambam just shook his head, “Why are you hiding, Gyeommie? Come on, tell me.” When Yugyeom didn’t speak, just looked at him, he poked his cheeks. “Is this about Jaebum hyung?”

Even though Yugyeom didn’t say it, he didn’t need to because other than the fact that his best friend knows him too well, he had definitely frozen at the mention of the name. So he shrugged and looked away, hoping that Bambam would drop it.

“It’s not your fault, Gyeommie.” Of course Bambam wasn’t going to drop it. Who was he kidding? “It’s everyone’s fault, really. Not just yours or mine or Jinyoung hyung or even Jaebum hyung himself. We all fucked up at some point.”

Yugyeom doesn’t agree. He was the one Jaebum last spoke to, the one that gave him a cold shoulder the last time. He was the one that passed on the message about Jaebum going to Seoul. He was too wrapped up, too stupid to realize it was a lie. He let all this… mess happen.

“Seriously, Gyeommie. Don’t blame yourself, okay? Jaebum hyung is just… he’s just doing what he thinks is easier for himself. So if he ignores you or whatever, just let him be.” Bambam’s palm rested on Yugyeom’s neck, hot and burning compared to his cold skin. “We didn’t make this movie to deal with idiot actors, okay? We’re not going to ruin this just because of them.”

Yugyeom doesn’t agree, but it’s really pretty pointless to fight with Bambam right now. “What  _ is  _ up with Jaebum hyung and Jinyoung hyung? Why are they so…?” he trails off, realizing he doesn’t really know how to explain the dysfunctional relationship that their lead actors share.

“To be honest, as someone who knows everything--” Yugyeom snorted and Bambam hit his arm. “As I was saying, as someone who knows  _ everything _ , I have no idea what is going on with them.”

That was probably an understatement.

“Should we get back now? Your crew might miss you.” Yugyeom grinned when Bambam rolled his eyes at him, removing his legs from his lap to stand up.

“I’m pretty sure they’re glad I was out of their hair for a few minutes.” Bambam assured him, reaching out his hand to Yugyeom so he could help him stand up.

Yugyeom doesn’t say anything anymore because that was definitely true.

 

When Jaebum closes the door of his room, he lets himself fall on the floor. He feels so suffocated, so uncomfortable. He hates doing  _ this _ , but it must be done. He can’t let himself feel too much and care too much again.

Because _ look at how that ended up _ , he rubs his face on his palms.

The look on Jinyoung’s face earlier when the other boy had tried to talk to him feels like it was branded with hot steel on his eyes every time he closes them. He can’t remove the way Jinyoung’s face looked shocked and hurt and  _ so small _ .

But Jaebum can’t risk it, couldn’t risk it again. Not when it ended like last time.

 

The problem with working while pretending the people around you don’t exist is that other than making them feel horrible,  _ you  _ also feel horrible. Jaebum can’t even count the number of times he feel like an asshole for ignoring the staff or for just returning a greeting with a cold shoulder. He feels shitty, feels bad for the hurt that is sure to flash on the other person’s face.

But Jaebum holds on, doesn’t let anything frazzle him because despite his cold and standoffish new reactions, he knew he’s doing the best he could when in regards to shooting. He knows this because Bambam has congratulated him numerous of times.

“Your expression was really on point, hyung. Don’t worry.” Bambam patted his back when Jaebum had gone into the Director’s office to ask if he could watch his shots. He did let Jaebum look through them so there’s that.

If anyone is complaining about his newfound attitude, no one has mentioned it yet to his face. Except for Mark, really.

“Hey.” Mark was waiting for Jaebum in his tent when he got inside during a lunch break. “Here’s your food, by the way. Took the liberty of bringing it to you.”

Jaebum looked at the older boy warily, half-sure that Jinyoung had sent his PA to him for a message. “What do you need?” he asked, sitting on the table and opening the lunch box of chicken, rice and lettuce wrap. “I need to finish eating fast so please make it quick.”

Mark didn’t speak immediately and Jaebum thought the older boy had left, but then there was someone sitting on the chair in front of him and looking at him thoughtfully. It was quite unnerving because Jaebum and Mark haven’t really talked a lot even before. Well, except during that one time Mark had caught him loitering outside Jinyoung’s tent to give him his--okay, no, don’t think about it.

Then as if after a long while, Mark finally spoke. “Youngjae.”

Jaebum looked up in surprise because he was  _ definitely  _ not expecting Mark to say that name. He knew Youngjae was still here, probably cooped up in some room or working with Jae and Wonpil in recording the OSTs for the movie. He hasn’t seen him, he told Seunghoon hyung that he didn’t want to and his wishes were granted.

“What about him?” he didn’t bother dragging his eyes away from Mark’s boring into him.

Mark shifted a little, as if he was the one being forced to have this conversation. “You haven’t talked to him yet.” his words were more of an accusation than of a normal statement. Jaebum immediately knew there was something more to this. “It’s been two weeks since you came back and I know you’ve been through hell with the shoots, but you haven’t even taken one minute to see him.”

Jaebum knew this, of course he does. “I was busy.” as if it was an explanation.

“You told Seunghoon hyung that you didn’t want to see him.” Mark reminded him, obviously knowing more than what he should be aware of.

“Then you know why, so why are you asking?” Jaebum let himself look down to his food to pick a piece and shove it in his mouth, followed by rice as he chews on it harder than he should be. This was just  _ not  _ a conversation he thought he would be having.

Mark didn’t speak for another few agonizing minute again as Jaebum shoves mouthful after mouthful of food in his mouth, hoping he wouldn’t choke in his hurry to finish his meal. This conversation was not something he expected he would have right now and with Mark, of all people.

(To be honest, he thought Youngjae would’ve come storming in his tent the first day, but he must’ve put his team member in a worse place if this is what he got.)

“You know what? Nevermind.” Mark stands up abruptly, the chair almost toppling over at the way the older boy stood up. “I don’t even understand you nor anything that is happening. So. Nevermind. Enjoy your meal.”

Mark was about to leave the tent when Jaebum called out him, a surprise to both of them. Mark turns around to look at Jaebum the same time Jaebum bit his lip, hoping that he could take back his words.

“About Youngjae…” Jaebum didn’t know how to phrase his words,really.

Mark just stared at him, not speaking nor moving.

So Jaebum sighed and continued, “Why do you care? About Youngjae?”

“Why do you  _ not  _ care about Youngjae? How could anyone not care about Youngjae?” was Mark’s answer before he turned around and left the tent, not giving Jaebum any chance to think or to reply.

Jaebum feels like that conversation didn’t make sense at all, but not really.

 

Jinyoung was back in Seoul. That was the first thing that Jaebum heard when he came into the rehearsal, people talking about how Jinyoung was back in Seoul because there was an offer for a drama that he had to go audition for. For some reason, Jaebum didn’t know why it bothered him.

“Jinyoung hyung will be there for three days so we’re going to use all these time to shoot all the missing JB scenes we skipped the past days.” Bambam gestured Jae to start distributing a piece of paper. “Here are the scenes we noted down that we need to work on for the next three days.”

When Jaebum got his, he immediately scanned it and taking note of all the scenes.

“For the first day, today, we’re only going to rehearse  _ all  _ the scenes we’ll be shooting starting tomorrow.” Bambam explained, waving the paper as if to emphasize. “We’ll start in an hour so eat your breakfast, get dressed or whatever and I want everyone needed in the scene to be in the practice room.”

Everyone nodded in agreement.

“Then tomorrow and on the next day, we’ll leave at the crack of dawn to shoot it in the building we shot the mafia office the last time. Now, shoo. Everyone be back in one hour.” Bambam let them go, immediately turning to Jae to grab a marker and write something down.

Jaebum watched as everyone piled out of the room in pairs or threes, conversing about food or their plans for the day. Soon he was the only actor left in the room as Bambam talked to his Department leaders. Not wanting to be a bother, he walked out as well and feels horrible that Yugyeom only looked at him from afar, finally getting the hint that Jaebum didn’t want him with him.

But this is his life and he needs to stand by his decisions.

Wiping the sweat on his forehead on his arm, he lets the warm summer heat suffocate him.

 

Rehearsals during day 1 was fine, Jaebum going through his lines and taking directions from Bambam. Jinyoung missing makes everything  _ much  _ easier for Jaebum.

Sort of.

“More to the right, Jaebum hyung.” Bambam yells, staring at the camera where he was watching them. “Raise up your hands more, yes. Hold the gun properly, your grip needs to be tightened. Yes! That!”

Jaebum makes sure to fix his posture and school his face into the right expression.

“Now, right from the start!”

Everyone moves to go back to their places for this scene.

 

If Jaebum looks through his Twitter, waiting for updates on Jinyoung’s new drama (a High School setting where he would be playing the second lead role, more of the antagonist than the actual protagonist), he doesn’t let himself analyze it. This is normal, he tells himself as he scrolls on updates after updates about the drama.

Apparently, there was still no one casted for the lead role.

Jaebum finally rolls over and closes his eyes, phone on his hand.

No, he doesn’t want to think of Jinyoung.  _ No _ .

 

The third day of Jinyoung gone and the last day of Jaebum focused scenes were intense. He doesn’t know why everyone was on edge and why everyone were a little skittish. All he knows is that Bambam was more strict than he usually was, more demanding.

“TOUCH UP ON JB!” Bambam screams, snapping Jimin out of her conversation with Dahyun as she bounds to the set with her bag to fix his make-up. 

“Just lean over a little, oppa. Yes, that’s fine. Now stay still.” she instructs him, reaching out.

Jaebum does as she says and lets her add more make-up, making him feel itchier but he tries to hold it in. Summer heat really was no joke, not to mention that his character was wearing heavy clothing.

“Ok, you’re good now.” Jimin announced, raising a thumbs up at Bambam before she bounds off and was back to the side.

“Okay, we’re re-shooting that scene. Jaebum hyung, back to your spot.” Bambam checks his script before continuing, “We’re shooting in 3! 2! 1! ACTION”

Jaebum ignores the summer sun burning his skin as he delivers his line.

 

The answer to Jaebum’s question was answered a little while later, when they finished shooting under the sun and was given a two hour break because Bambam needed to go through the shots taken and the staff needed to move everything to the warehouse.

Yugyeom was back to following him again, Bambam giving specific instructions that Yugyeom stay with him at all times because… actually, Jaebum didn’t quite get the reason why because he was already planning to send the boy off to get ice cream. Which is exactly what he tasked the other boy to do the moment they got inside the tent, Jaebum turning the air condition to full blast as he drops on the couch.

“Any flavor you wanted, hyung?” Yugyeom asked, obviously eager to please.

“Anything that is 1 Litre and doesn’t have nuts in it.” Jaebum answered, already closing his eyes as he swings his feet to lie down on the couch properly. He could feel the heat radiating off of him and he hopes to hell that he wouldn’t end up with a fever or cough.

After Yugyeom had left the room and Jaebum was free to enjoy the peace and cold, he felt himself dozing off. Tired from the shooting till late night yesterday, he doesn’t fight the sleep that was a long time coming.

 

Jaebum was woken to a start by someone kicking his leg. Startled that someone would actually do that, he almost falls flat on his ass when he tried to sit up. When he turned around to glare at the brave (or stupid, really) person, he was surprised to find Jackson sitting on a chair in front of him and was eating a 1 litre of… was that the ice cream Jaebum asked Yugyeom to buy?

“Yes, this is yours.” Jackson answered as if Jaebum had said it out loud. He took another spoonful, not even bothering to feel ashamed that he was obviously eating something not his. “Oh, did you want a bite?”

Jaebum watched Jackson lick the spoon clean, making a show of salivating through the utensil before taking a chunk of the cold treat and offering it to Jaebum. “No, thanks.” was the only thing he could say, not particularly sure why Jackson was even here stealing his very much needed ice cream. And where was Yugyeom?

“I’m sure you’re just itching to know why I’m here…” Jackson trailed off to lick the spoon clean again. “And why I’m ice cream napping your dessert.”

“Well you’re not ice cream napping it seeing as I’m pretty sure you can’t return it.” Jaebum moved to the side so he was sitting down properly, facing Jackson and getting a front stage view of the other boy enjoying  _ his  _ ice cream. “But that wasn’t the point. Why are you here in my tent?”

Jackson didn’t even answer immediately, busy licking his spoon clean. When he looked pleased at his work, he put the ice cream on the table and faced Jaebum. For the first time, Jinyoung’s manager looked serious and that wasn’t a word that anyone would actually use on Jackson a lot. So it meant serious business and Jaebum isn’t so sure he wants to hear it.

“You’re mad at Jinyoung.” Jackson said a matter of factly and when Jaebum looked like he was going to say something he continued, “No, you’re mad at  _ everyone _ . Unless you’re just being a bitch for no reason and decided to ignore everyone of us mere human beings.”

“Well, I’m not ignoring you right now, am I?” Jaebum raised an eyebrow at the way Jackson snorted at him.

“Yeah, cause I basically forced myself in your tent and caught you when you were asleep and had nowhere to go.” Jackson replied. “But that wasn’t the point. The point is, you need to get your shit together.”

Well that was not something he was expecting Jackson to say and it resulted in Jaebum laughing. That wasn’t the right answer it seems, when Jackson merely watched him with a judging face, obviously not amused that he was being laughed at.

“What? Me? Get my shit together? You gotta be kidding me.” Jaebum finally said, wringing his hand as if to emphasize how unfair he feels right now. “ _ I’m  _ being treated the bad guy here and you think I need to get my shit together?”

“Oh please, don’t pull the everyone-was-going-against-you card right now,” Jackson took the ice cream again and started eating it. “Not that we’re weighing who got it worse or something, but in case you  _ forgot _ . Well. You have been messing around with Jinyoung since the start of the shooting.”

Jaebum blinked, the nasty curse that was on the tip of his tongue suddenly gone as he looked at Jackson confusedly because what? He had been messing around with Jinyoung? “Me? What?” was the only thing he could say.

Looking as if he was exasperated (or talking to a kid), Jackson took a deep breath and looked at Jaebum directly in the eye. “Okay. So, just work with me for now, okay? Don’t be this cool and… whatever you were aiming for. I need answers, okay?” he waited until Jaebum apprehensively nodded his head at him. “So, do you hate Jinyoung? Or anyone of us you’re basically ignoring as if we’re air?”

“I’m not--” Jackson tutted at Jaebum so he rolled his eyes and answered, “No, I don’t hate you all. Happy now?”

Jackson ignored his question, instead sipping on the melted ice cream on his spoon. “But you would rather ignore all of us rather than talk about the fact that you disappeared for 7 days and started a man hunt?”

Not pleased at the burn, Jaebum snapped, “Yes, I would.”

“But you don’t hate Jinyoung?” Jackson repeated.

“No, I don’t.” Jaebum sighed, “What is it that--”

“And you used to be so nice to him, teasing him and buying him gifts when you were out of the country?” Jackson cut him off, still busy enjoying Jaebum’s ice cream right in front of him.

“Yes…?” Jaebum answered, wondering why they were bringing up the past. Weren’t they just talking about  _ now _ ? Or rather, what Jaebum did after running away?

“And Jinyoung snubbing you and being mean to you while he’s such a sweetheart to Youngjae, that pissed you off?” Jackson continued, slurping messily on the ice cream and earning him a cringe from Jaebum.

“Yes, it does.” Jaebum rubbed his forehead, “But what are you trying to--”

“And you feel like you were betrayed when you found out that I got him the role when he had been mean to you because he thinks you don’t deserve this?” Jackson interrupted him again, voice so cool as if he wasn’t just interrogating Jaebum unwillingly.

“What are you talking about--”

“When you saw his face after basically saying he’s a  _ hypocrite _ , that hurt you didn’t it?” Jackson finished the ice cream and had placed it on the table.

“Of course, I felt--”

“Sucked, didn’t it? Not knowing what was going on?”

“Why are you even--”

Jackson looked at him directly, eyes flashing with something Jaebum couldn’t pin point on. “So, hyung, can you decide whether you want Jinyoung’s approval or to disappoint Jinyoung? Which is it, really?”

Pausing, Jaebum felt his forehead crease at confusion. “Why are we talking about this because I’m pretty sure--”

“Jaebum hyung,” Jackson sad patiently and  _ so  _ polite as if he hasn’t spent the last few minutes interrupting Jaebum’s every words. “Tomorrow’s your final shoot. Bambam realized you only have a few scenes left, the picnic and the kissing scene left to be specific. Well, not a  _ kissing  _ scene since you refused to do just that.”

Well, Jaebum didn’t know that. How did the shooting fly by so fast?

“So you have to decide now whether you want to cut off Jinyoung from your life or if you want to keep Jinyoung in it,” was the last thing Jackson said before standing up and walking away, leaving Jaebum’s tent, a confused Jaebum and Jaebum’s empty ice cream container.

Because, yes, Jaebum realized that behind all the squabbles and cold shoulders, there was one question he needed to be answered.

Does Jaebum want Jinyoung in his life?

 

Everyone was in a good mood, enjoying the breeze and loving the summer air at this time in the afternoon. At 7 o’clock they were already preparing the rehearsals, awake and alive and ready to deliver their lines as best as they could.

Jaebum spent maybe half of those time looking at Jinyoung, watching as Jinyoung would only stay close to him when they were taking up the roles of JB and Junior. It was so ironic how they were shooting the scene today  where JB and Junior would have their date under the stars, backs pressed uncomfortably under the picnic blanket but  _ so  _ in love that it didn’t matter.

Then they were shooting the  _ confession scene  _ as everyone had dubbed it, the scene where Junior would’ve kissed JB. But since Jaebum had refused to do it, they had changed it to a scene where Junior would confess. Less amazing, but it would’ve had to do.

 

By 4 o’clock in the afternoon they were all at the river bank for the shoot, using the place as an alternative because Bambam didn’t want to risk shooting in the Han River and as he had said, “We have no idea how rabid Jaebum hyung’s fans are and I don’t want to risk eggs on my hair.”

Jaebum was only slightly offended. Slightly, because he couldn’t  _ stop  _ himself from staring at the way Jinyoung looked sad at that. The boy averting his eyes from Bambam as if he was ashamed, rubbing his hands together.

But the summer air felt nice during this time because the worst of the heat was already done, the riverbank providing to be cool enough to keep them from burning. The grass under their feet still a little moist from the sprinklers, making it a little harder for the staff to prepare the place they would be having their picnic on but no one was really complaining.

Today was the last day of shooting. Everyone was high on adrenaline.

Jaebum was nervous as hell, Jackson’s question lingering in his mind as he spent almost every moment taking a quick glance at Jinyoung. There was still  _ that _ , the burning disappointment and pain of what that one week of disappearance had meant. But there was also this churning in his stomach at the thought that this might be his last chance to decide if Jinyoung…

That is, if Jinyoung wanted to be in  _ his  _ life after all. The other man did spend the past 2 months making Jaebum’s life hell, rejecting his gift and making fun of him. But Jinyoung had also been careful with him, nice and sweet when he was caught of-guard. And he was an amazing actor, Jaebum couldn’t deny that.

“Fuck.” he couldn’t keep but curse out loud, all the emotions turning and turning in his mind that he feels like he couldn’t breathe.

Jimin, who was combing his hair looked at him with her eyebrows raised. Luckily, she didn’t ask any question as she sprayed more hair products on his hair that what should be legally allowed. When she was done, she took one last look at him before turning around to hide her things.

“You’re done, oppa. You can go join Jinyoung oppa on the set.” Jimin announced, looking a little too pleased when Jaebum freezed at Jinyoung’s name. “Please, move. I think Bambam will have an aneurysm if we don’t start shooting yet.”

Sighing, Jaebum moved to where they had set the cameras up and Bambam was under the tent with Jinyoung, conversing about the scene already. Jaebum tried to stay far away from Jinyoung as possible and he caught the boy look at him with hurt, but then turned back to Bambam.

“This scene is happy. Beautiful and just… this is the scene that would cement the whole point of the ending.” Bambam had given them this exact speech earlier during the rehearsal, but seemed to want to drill it in their heads again as if they would forget. “This scene is happiness, hope and tragic all at once. JB and Junior are so in love and yet they have no idea what they are in for.”

Jaebum nodded and watched from the corner of his eyes how Jinyoung mirrored his action, hands clasped in front of him tightly. This suddenly makes him feel sad, made him remember how energetic and involved Jinyoung had been during the earlier days of shooting. How they would be teasing each other...

Maybe...? Maybe Jinyoung did want to be a part of Jaebum’s life? Jackson wouldn’t waste his time being in the company of someone who had hurt Jinyoung just for a laugh, right? To mess with his head? So it must mean  _ something _ …

Before they know it, Jaebum and Jinyoung were already sharing the picnic blanket and eating. Jaebum drinking the wine (which was really just grape juice, of course but he was a little disappointed they didn’t use real wine) and Jinyoung laughing with a piece of pizza on his hand a bite of it in his mouth.

Bambam has them eating and fake conversing, pausing every few minutes and instructs them not to move as they add more people around them. Jaebum could see how Bambam was planning the scene, Jaebum and Jinyoung in the middle as the people around them slowly multiply in number as they eat and drink together.

And as they sit there, food and drinks in between them while Jinyoung laughs his head off at their fake conversation. And as they sit there, eyes locked into each other with a camera circling them before zooming in on their faces, Jaebum thinks that this is nice. It really is nice even though it’s all pretend.

Then when they were called to stay under the tent, monitoring the shots taken while Mark and Yugyeom fanned them, Jaebum thought they looked great together. They looked perfect that way, smiling at each other.

“No, this is great.” Bambam announced after running through all the scenes. He faced Jaebum and Jinyoung with a pleased smile, “You can take a short break to eat or something, but don’t move far. We need to wait for the dark to shoot the next scene.”

“Okay.” Jinyoung was the first to bow his head and move away, Mark following him as they went to where Jackson was sitting under a different tent. He sat on his chair, taking the offered bottle of water.

Jaebum watched him go and was only startled when he turned his head to see Jackson watching him with a raised eyebrow. Not really the type to back down, he raised his own before taking the same path that Jinyoung took only to sit on the next tent with Yugyeom. If he took quick glances at the other tent, no one mentioned it.

 

Shooting the scene with Jaebum and Jinyoung lying down on the blanket and looking up at the stars was easier. The dark covering them made it easier to deliver his lines, to pour every ounce of pain in it as Jinyoung stayed by his side.

They had to re-shoot some scenes, Bambam wanting a closer shot when they were talking rather than the crane view they had planned. So they were pressed close to each other for at least an hour.

 

“Hey hyung, shooting starts in ten minutes. You need to go there for spotting.” Yugyeom poked his head inside the tent and then disappearing right after, probably off for a run.

Jaebum clutched at the script on his hand, the confession different from how it was on the book. Other than the fact that there was less words and more actions on the  _ actual  _ scene was the reason Jaebum felt himself shaken.

Standing up and gathering his wits, he walked outside of the tent and to the shooting site which is Junior’s apartment. They were going to be shooting him walking to the apartment with the bag of cheese sticks with him, freshly bought from the store an hour away by one of the lesser staff.

But the thing is, this scene was easy. It wasn’t a hardship seeing as they’ve shot a scene like this tons of times, what was going to come  _ after  _ it is the one that’s making Jaebum weak in the knees. It was nerves, something he hasn’t had in a long time when it came to shooting a scene.

“Okay, Jaebum hyung on your spot. Camera rolling in 3! 2! 1!”

The scene ends with Jaebum knocking on Junior’s apartment and Jinyoung opening it, eyeing him and the cheese stick he brought with him. They hear Bambam call for a cut and Jaebum realized how close Jinyoung was before the other boy was gone, pulling off and walking inside the apartment.

The staff moved the lighting and the cameras inside for thirty minutes, giving the actors enough time to settle down on the couch because that was where the scene would be starting. So Jaebum and Jinyoung sat there on the couch, Jinyoung facing the other side where the staff are almost banging the stands of the cameras to the wall. Jaebum watched Jinyoung.

Because, really, just… does Jaebum want Jinyoung in his life? Does Jaebum want Jinyoung even after tonight?

“Okay, everyone to your places!” Bambam called, standing beside camera 3. He waited until Jinyoung was  properly seated and Jaebum was standing behind a camera, off cam. “Places, everyone! 3! 2! 1! Action!”

There was a camera at the side, focusing on the way Jinyoung was knotting his eyebrow and looking  _ so done _ . Jaebum waited for the cue, seeing Bambam raise his hand as the signal for him enter the shot and plop down on the couch before handing Jinyoung the cheese stick on his hand.

_ “Why do you look so mad all the time?”  _ Jaebum recites, looking like the picture perfect of someone so curious.

Jinyoung stared at the cheese stick, face blank of any emotion.

So Jaebum grabs another piece of cheese stick from the bag on the coffee table in front of him, munching on it. It does taste really nice, probably one of his favorite so he might have to ask Bambam where they bought one later.

_ “Come on, it tastes good.”  _ Jaebum delivers.

The camera circles them, focusing on the way Jinyoung’s face scrunches in annoyance. He looked so pissed off and so mad that Jaebum wanted to shiver at the raw emotion radiating off of the man. It makes him wonder whether Jinyoung was still acting or if he was channeling all his feelings against Jaebum to his character.

Jaebum settles on the couch, moving a little as if he was making himself comfortable and asks again,  _ “Are you not going to eat that?” _

There was a short silence as Jinyoung sighs heavily and takes a huge bite of the cheese stick, face as if he was surprised it tasted amazing. Jaebum watches Jinyoung lick his lips, tasting the remnants of the cheese.

This was where the change would begin, Junior would be too angry that JB doesn’t seem affected at all and would scream at him. They would exchange a few colorful choice of curses before Jinyoung breaks down and admits his feelings. Not as powerful as the kissing scene, but the next best alternative. Jaebum has the words memorized and at the tip of his tongue.

But then  _ it  _ happened. Jaebum wonders if this was how Junior felt in the book as he watched Jinyoung lick his lips once more, probably preparing to deliver his next line. He didn’t get to.

Jaebum moved, so fast he didn’t even realize it before he was knocking his forehead against Jinyoung’s. His hands were cold and shaking as he holds Jinyoung close by his nape, feeling the warmth from the other’s skin through his fingertips.

Jinyoung looked confused, the first real emotion Jaebum had seen on him besides sad and hurt. It was new, but it wasn’t enough and definitely wasn’t the emotion Jaebum wanted on him. “What--”

Before Jaebum knows it, he pulled Jinyoung by the nape as he closes his mouth on the other’s in a bruising kiss. It was hard, more teeth than what was probably necessary, but he could feel all the pent up emotion running through his veins. Jinyoung’s mouth was slick and hot and he could  _ taste  _ the cheese.

Then Jinyoung was kissing back, the other’s hands clamping at the back of Jaebum’s neck, pulling him even closer as if  _ that  _ was possible. So Jaebum gives in, let's Jinyoung take charge as his hand fall to other’s shoulders to grip there. Because Jinyoung’s kisses were demanding, mouth moving in ways that Jaebum didn’t thought was possible and he refused to think how amazing it would be on--

And then Jinyoung was moving away, Jaebum opening his heavy lidded eyes to see Jinyoung’s  _ so fucking close  _ to him that he could feel the way he breathed. The other’s gaze was unfocused and Jaebum doesn’t know why but he  _ loved  _ it.

“What--” Jinyoung asked again and was interrupted  _ again  _ with how Jaebum leaned over to press their lips together, just a press unlike the bruising kiss earlier.

“I sort of  _ really  _ want you in my life.” Jaebum whispers and he loved how Jinyoung shivered in his arms. “Does that mean you want me in your life too?”

Jinyoung blinks and Jaebum felt his heart catch in his throat. Jinyoung has done nothing but reject him for the past 2 months, what made him think he would be accepted  _ now _ ?

“I, uh, I’m sorry.” Jaebum stuttered, so uncharacteristic of him as he tries to move away. Except, well, except for the fact that Jinyoung’s hand on his nape was holding him down. “I’m so sorry for kissing you, but will you  _ please  _ let me go and let me wallow in peace at my--”

“Idiot.” Jinyoung interrupted him, but immediately added when he saw Jaebum look down. “Of course I want you in my life.”

Jaebum was about to catch Jinyoung’s lips in a kiss again, was about to maybe pull the other boy in his lap to kiss him properly when they heard people clapping around them and. Oh.  _ Oh.  _ They weren’t alone.

“Fuck. I forgot.” Jaebum cursed, hiding his face on Jinyoung’s neck, but Jinyoung was laughing.

“How could you forget we’re in a room full of people shooting a fucking movie, Jaebum hyung?” Jinyoung asked, his body shaking with laughter.

Jaebum snorted, “Well I’m so sorry if I was busy kissing--”

“Guys, guys. As much as I am happy that the both of you had settled your differences and all that shit,” Bambam’s voice boomed in the small room, amusement obvious in his tone and it makes Jaebum want to stay where he is. Jinyoung sort of smells really nice, like lemon. “But we have a movie to shoot.”

Jinyoung laughs again when Jaebum kept his head on his neck.

“And Junior is the one that kisses JB, so that kiss was useless. You guys need to kiss again.” If there was smugness in Bambam’s voice, Jaebum tried to block it out as he looks up at Jinyoung.

“Oh, more kisses.” Jaebum smirks.

Jinyoung rolls his eyes, “Yes, more kisses.”

“Yes, but we might want to touch up your lips because both are swollen and that’s not part of the script.” Bambam interrupts them again.

There was sniggering in the background as Jimin and Dahyun both come to them, lip balm and things on their hand. But it was okay. Things were definitely more than okay.

 

 

> **_CHAPTER 17: Definite Soul_ **
> 
> _ “Let him go, you fucking--” JB was held back by one of his men. Well, one of his old men as they were definitely not following him right now. “Let me go. Now.” _
> 
> _ “No can do,  _ boss _.” The man holding him down said, tone so condensing that it makes JB want to hurl. _
> 
> _ He tried to scan the crowd, not all of his men were inside his office seeing as it was only big enough to fit around 50 people. They were probably only 30, including him and Junior who was still tied to the chair in front of him. It was basically the two of them against the strongest of his men. _
> 
> _ Against Taeyong. _
> 
> _ “Hello JB hyung.” Taeyong walks in the room, wearing a white suit as he strides confidently to where Junior was seating. He smirks at JB who was being held into place on his chair behind his desk. “Nice of you to join us.” _
> 
> _ “What the fuck do you want with him, Taeyong?!” JB spats out and he felt the hold on his arms tighter, clamping down on his wrists painfully. _
> 
> _ Taeyong just smiles at him calmly, “I don’t want anything from Junior ssi, don’t worry. I’m not going to hurt a talented painter like him, I mean. Look at this painting.” he walked over to the side, bringing up a canvas that has been ripped into pieces. “Oops. My knife might’ve had some fun with it earlier.” _
> 
> _ JB hasn’t seen the painting fully, but he knew it was a new one. He had seen most of Junior’s work, stalked his paintings with everything he could. And that was new, something Junior must’ve worked on hard. And Taeyong had just ruined it. _
> 
> _ “Then what do you want--” The man holding him down punched his right face, the pain much more than he remembered. He hasn’t been hit directly in a long while, too good now that he could probably dodge bullets in a battlefield. Except then, he had nothing to lose. _
> 
> _ “Oh, Lee, don’t hurt our beloved leader.” Taeyong cooed before crouching down to remove the blind fold on Junior’s eyes and the tape on his mouth. The pain of it woke Junior up, eyes blinking in succession as he focused his gaze on the man in front of him. “I promised you JB, didn’t I? Now there he is.” _
> 
> _ Junior was looking at him with his eyes wide, worry and pain etched in them that JB could only smile at him weakly. There was blood trickling down at the side of his head and Junior looked like he was in the verge of tears. _
> 
> _ “Junior…” JB smiles again and Junior bursts into tears the same time Taeyong laughed. _

 

Youngjae was snapped out of his daze with his phone beeping. Grabbing it, he smiles when he sees it was from his new second favorite hyung.

**From** : Mark Hyung   
**Message** : Jinyoungie and Jaebum kissed for the movie. You got your wish (:

Squealing, Youngjae immediately types out a response.

**To** : Mark Hyung   
**Message** : THIS IS GREAT NEWS HYUNG THANK YOU SO MUCH ♥

Pleased, Youngjae returns to his book. He’s almost done, so he might as well finish it the same day the shooting for the movie is done.

 

> _ “No matter how touching this reunion is,” Taeyong smirks as he walks back and grips the chair that Junior was sitting on. “JB hyung, I brought your boy here to witness what would be the most  _ special  _ moment of his life. Of your relationship.” _
> 
> _ JB tried to move, but he was pinned down. “Let me go, you bastard!” _
> 
> _ “Yes, I am a bastard just like you. We’re so alike, JB hyung.” Taeyong wasn’t even the least bit affected, was still smiling at the way JB was trying to get away and how Junior was shaking at where he was sitting, still tied to the chair. “But I’m not weak like you are.” _
> 
> _ “Let me fight you and we’ll see who’s weak!” JB screamed, earning him another hit to his left face, blood now trickling on both of his sides. “Fight me like a man, you coward!” _
> 
> _ “Why would I need to do that when I have my victory right here?” Taeyong reaches out and grips Junior’s hair tightly, “Tell me, JB hyung. Tell me you will let me kill him and I will let you fight me.” _
> 
> _ JB felt his head buzzing, felt the blood running down the side of his face. But all he could focus on was the way Junior has his eyes clothes, mouth pressed in obvious pain as he tries not to react. All he could feel was worry and how proud he is that he had fallen for this man in front of him. _
> 
> _ “No.” JB answered and Junior snapped his eyes open. _
> 
> _ “JB--” Junior croaked out, but Taeyong had tugged on his hair again. _
> 
> _ “See? Ultimate win.” Taeyong smirked. _
> 
> _ But JB didn’t care, not really because there was one thing important to him right now. The boy in front of him, crying  _ for him  _ and worrying  _ for him.  _ This boy that is tied down to a chair and so obviously in pain, who had spent most of his life wanting to kill himself but is here and _

 

Youngjae wipes the tears on his face hurriedly with the blanket on his side, not caring at all. He felt more tears flow and he hates it, grabbing tissues from the side table to wipe them on. When he was finished, he looked at the book.

“No, no, no…” he chanted, flipping the pages to where the ending of chapter 17 would be. He won’t be able to wait for it, wouldn’t be able to stop himself and he just needs to  _ know _ .

 

> _ There was blood on Junior’s palms, on whose it was he doesn’t care as he runs over to JB’s side. Everyone was running around them, the police and the mafia mixing as there were scream and more bullets being shot. _
> 
> _ But Junior doesn’t care. _
> 
> _ “NO, STAY AWAKE!” he screams, looking around him for anyone to help. But they were in who knows what floor of a building, in the middle of a raid. “JB! FUCK!” _
> 
> _ JB was shaking, his hand clasped on his side where the bullet was clogged. There was blood gushing from it, too much to be considered safe. His eyes were fluttering close, hands cold as Junior intertwines his free hand with his own. _
> 
> _ “You were amazing there…” JB whispered. _
> 
> _ “No, no, no…” Junior chants, “You can’t do this. Fuck.” He tries to carry JB on his back, pulling the man as he tries to get up and walk. He was heavy and the fact that JB wasn’t even helping makes it so hard for him. “Just fucking hold on, hyung. Just stay with me, please.” _
> 
> _ “I was so proud of you, Junior-ah…” JB whispers, his breath getting ragged at every other minute. “You did so well back there. I’m so so proud of you.” _
> 
> _ “Hyung,” Junior could feel the tears blocking his eyesight, making it harder for him as his knees shake and his back hurt. There were police and the mafia blocking his path, but he doesn’t fucking care. “Don’t talk as if--” he chokes. _
> 
> _ “I’m so sorry.” JB whispers one last time. _
> 
> _ Junior couldn’t help the tears anymore. _
> 
> _ When Junior arrives at the ambulance parked below, he knew it was too late. _

 

 

When Jinyoung and Jaebum walked to the red carpet on the opening day of Busan International Film Festival, no one even questioned why they were holding hands nor why they were  _ walking  _ together. They stopped and smiled, waving at the fans who were watching them.

When Jinyoung and Jaebum walked up front during the screening of  _ Definite Soul  _ for the  **Open Cinema** section, they were bombarded with questions regarding the issue of homosexuality in the movie. 

“Well there is no definite definition of what love is, you know?” Jaebum answered, still holding Jinyoung’s hand tightly. “So put your judgement at the back of the car and enjoy the ride. Let  _ Definite Soul  _ touch not just your feelings, but also your soul.”

If some people were complaining at the kissing scene, there were more people praising them for a job well done. There were definitely tears in the audience even though the blazing son of the outdoor screening was reigning down on them.

If Jinyoung was tearing up at the side, trying to wipe his tears with the back of his palm, no one says a word. Jaebum just reaches over him with his handkerchief in hand, wiping the tears that had run down his cheeks and then gives him a smile before dumping their shoulders together.

“And Busan International Film Festival DGK Award of 2015 goes to…” the MC’s eyes widened as he sees the name on the card. “ _ Definite Soul  _ from South Korea, Directed by Kunpimook Bhuwakul!”

Everyone was clapping as Bambam goes up the stage to receive the award and the cheque of $5,000 with tears in his eyes. Jinyoung was sure their Director delivers a really touching Thank You speech, but he couldn’t honestly concentrate.

“Wait.” Jinyoung whispers to Jaebum who was still clapping beside him.

“Hm?” Jaebum turns around to look at him.

“Bambam’s name is Kunpimook Bhuwakul? Are you  _ serious _ ?”

Jaebum laughs the same time Bambam takes a bow to go down the stage.

 

If Jaebum had checked his phone for the nth time that day, no one can blame him. It has been exactly 3 hours and 24 minutes since he greeted Jinyoung a  _ Happy 100 days! I hope there are no regrets.  _ And yet, no matter how many times he checks his phone, there was no reply from one Park Jinyoung. That was probably, slightly, his fault.

Instead Jaebum opens the message he received yesterday that possibly ruined his whole 100 day celebration before it had even happened.

**From** : Seunghoon hyung   
**Message** : I’m really sorry Jaebum-ah, but the team is adamant you help the actor for Dream High 2 practice with you. I can’t get you out of it. Behave!

It has been 100 days since he and Jinyoung decided to  _ try it out _ , see if dating can work even though they were both in the entertainment industry. They could pose as really good friends, it wouldn’t hurt, right? Now 100 days later, Jaebum had cancel their plans for a nice day out because  _ of course  _ he suddenly has to help his co-actor in a drama. 

A co-actor, that he might mentioned, he does not know because the production team is adamant about keeping his identity a secret until they start filming. A secret even to  _ Jaebum _ , which he does not approve. But he’ll find out now, in a few minutes because they agreed to have a practice session with him.

Sighing, he placed his phone on the bench and was about to go ahead and start stretching when the door opened. He walked over immediately with a polite smile on his face only for it to slip off and turn to confusion once he saw who it was by the door.

“Hello, man! How are you?” Jackson’s loud voice rang through the enclosed room as he was suddenly engulfed in a bone crushing hug. Jaebum’s hand were hanging by his side as he turned his gaze to the other man still standing by the door.

“What?” Jaebum asked in confusion.

“Hello to you too, hyung.” Jinyoung says fondly, but there was a small sparkle in his eyes that tells him he was amused too. He walks over to peel Jackson off of Jaebum so he could reach over and pat Jaebum’s cheek,  a gesture he likes doing every time.

“But what are you doing here?” Jaebum asked, snapping out of his confusion. Jackson was standing by the side, arms crossed and looking like a kicked puppy. He blinks at Jinyoung who was still smiling so brightly. In all the time they’ve dated, Jinyoung has never come to JYPE’s building. “My co-actor is coming soon, I told you. I’m sorry I can’t come to the trip we planned.”

Instead of walking away or getting mad like how Jinyoung always reacts whenever he doesn’t get what he wants, Jinyoung just smiled at him again while Jackson roared in laughter by the side. Jaebum was even more confused.

“Wow, Jinyoungie, your boyfriend is stupid. Break up with him.” Jackson remarked, almost wheezing in laughter.

Jaebum was offended and was about to snap something equally offensive to Jackson. Luckily he felt Jinyoung’s hand on his arm so he looks at him.

“Hyung, I’m your co-actor.” Jinyoung announces, his face beaming with obvious pride and happiness.

Jaebum blinked again and had to pause for at least five second before blurting out, “You’re Jung Uibong?!”

“The one and only.” Jinyoung moved closer to him and tilted his head, “And I got the role fair and square this time, hyung. How about you?”

 

So Jinyoung really  _ was  _ Jaebum’s co-actor in Dream High 2. It has him excited that they can work together again. Without kissing this time. And although that part was true and the part where Jinyoung will train in JYPE for a month is also true, the practice that day was  _ not  _ true.

“The real rehearsals for the musical aspect of the drama won’t start till next week.” Jackson informs him after a while, Jinyoung’s manager looking amusedly at them. “So I’ll leave Jinyoung here with you so you can spend your day together. I’ll pick him up at 9PM.”

“Why do I have a curfew?” Jinyoung demanded.

But Jackson just winks, already halfway to the door, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” And he was gone, the door closing with a click.

For a minute Jinyoung and Jaebum just stared at each other, their faces sporting the same smile and the affection mirroring each other’s eyes. But then Jaebum looked like he had an idea and held Jinyoung’s hand, tugging him towards the door.

“Where are we going?” Jinyoung asked, finally catching up to Jaebum’s steps so he wasn’t being dragged anymore.

Jaebum looks at him with a grin and only says one word, “Tour.”

 

The whole JYPE building was fascinating. Jinyoung hasn’t been inside a huge company like this, his own company’s building was just a floor they were leasing. It was definitely nothing compared to the numerous floors and rooms Jaebum had just showed him.

It makes Jinyoung wonder what would have happened if he had auditioned to be an idol instead of an actor?

Jinyoung’s thoughts were interrupted by Jaebum who suddenly looked more excited than he had ever been the whole tour as they walk over a buzzing room. When they opened the door, Jinyoung realizes why.

“This is our cafeteria!” Jaebum announces, already walking towards a table. “I used to eat here when I was a trainee and they have  _ the best  _ curry you will ever taste. But they don’t serve my favorite kind of chicken, so.”

Jinyoung rolls his eyes at Jaebum, already used to how obsessed the other was with chicken. So he lets himself be dragged to a table full of faces he hasn’t seen on television yet, all of them suddenly standing up when they saw Jaebum approaching their table.

A flurry of  _ Jaebum sunbae! Jaebum oppa! Jaebum hyung!  _ was heard as all six of them smiles at Jaebum. Trainees, definitely, Jinyoung didn’t even need to ask and Jaebum knows he had worked it out because the other just sent him a conspiratory wink.

“This is Park Jinyoung, you all know him.” Jaebum introduced Jinyoung and he let them all bow at each other before he continued, “He’s my new co-actor for Dream High 2 and will be training with JYPE for one month before we start shooting.”

“Please take care of me.” Jinyoung bows again, flashing them what he hopes was a charming smile. Between the three male trainees and three females trainees, there were two people that stuck to him. The first one was a girl who was sending him a  _ really  _ bright smile, a genuine happy smile and the other was a girl sending  _ Jaebum  _ a really bright smile.

Jaebum introduced each of them, but Jinyoung only remembered two names: Nayeon and Yerin. When they took a seat, Jinyoung chose the one beside Nayeon and Jaebum immediately sliding to the seat next to him. There was small talk for a few minute, just a few  _ how are the practices  _ and  _ how was the performance  _ before a bell rang.

“Time to get our food!” Jaebum announced excitedly, an expression Jinyoung has long since associated with Jaebum and food. “I’ll get yours Jinyoung-ah, stay here and talk to them. I’ll be back.” he gave Jinyoung’s thigh a pat before he stood up and left the table with the three male and the other female following him. It was just Nayeon and Yerin left on the table.

“So Jinyoung oppa!” Nayeon turned to him, that huge smile still in place. She was pretty, the kind of girl that makes Jinyoung want to have more little sisters he could spoil. “I watched  _ Definite Soul  _ and I’m a huge fan!”

This makes Jinyoung return the smile, already used to people saying they were a fan after watching  _ Definite Soul  _ that surprisingly achieved sold out seats during the day shows for a whole week. The critics were nicer too, just a few snide comments about homosexuality but not the kind they were expecting to get. In fact, Jaebum and Jinyoung even received  _ compliments  _ for taking such dangerous roles.

“Thank you, I’m glad you liked the movie.” Jinyoung tries not to look at Yerin as he talks to Nayeon, but he couldn’t help it. Not when Yerin was obviously craning her neck to look at where Jaebum was standing in line to buy them food.

“I loved your role for  _ Love Like Lies _ , the drama before you took on the role of Junior? I watched that religiously and I was so excited when you got casted to act with Jaebum oppa.” Nayeon continued and that took Jinyoung’s attention away from Yerin staring at his boyfriend. He looked confusedly at Nayeon who looked at him, obviously pleased. “Why do you look so surprised oppa?”

“You’ve watched me before?” Jinyoung asked, eyebrows knotted together in the middle.

“You look quite shocked about this, oppa.” Nayeon looked pleased and Jinyoung decides that he will definitely categorize her with Dahyun and Jimin, girls that are confusing as hell. “And now you’re acting with Jaebum oppa again!”

Jinyoung was about to say something, probably ask her some more about  _ why  _ she even watched him but Jaebum’s name seemed to snap Yerin back into the conversation. She looked at them, all bright eyed.

“How was working with Jaebum sunbae?” Yerin asked. Even though Jinyoung is slightly annoyed that she kept ogling his  _ boyfriend _ , he couldn’t help but feel that Yerin didn’t mean any harm.

So Jinyoung smiles and tells them escapades about filming  _ Definite Soul  _ and about Bambam then he moved on to how he had surprised Jaebum this morning that he was the co-actor. He omitted everything about the fact Jaebum and him were dating, not sure how they would accept Jaebum  _ dating  _ and most especially Jaebum dating  _ him _ .

In the middle of Jinyoung asking them about the haunted training room that Jaebum was talking about from the tour, the others returned with trays full of food. Jaebum takes his seat next to Jinyoung again, pressing their thighs together so close.

“What are you talking about?” Jaebum asked, taking off the plates of food one by one from the tray.

“Nothing.” Jinyoung, Nayeon and Yerin all said together and caused them to burst in laughter.

Jaebum raised an eyebrow at Jinyoung’s way as he meticulously placed the plates in front of him, fussing over the alignment of the chopsticks and spoon. “I got you your favorite pizza. I also bought you ice cream, but I asked the ahjumma to place it in the freezer for now. We’ll pick it up when we leave later, okay?” he told Jinyoung who was, honestly, too busy staring at the food in front of him.

Soon they were all digging in, probably a little more than hungry as the conversations ceased. Right until Yerin spoke up and broke the silence.

“Jaebum sunbae…?” she trailed off, looking nervous.

“Hm?” Jaebum looked up and waited for her to continue patiently.

“T-they said… your dating ban has been lifted?” Yerin asked. looking so nervous and twitching on her seat. Jinyoung would’ve felt bad for her, except he’s  _ not _ because he knows why she was asking.

Jinyoung had frozen in his seat and he knew Nayeon noticed with the way she glanced at her and then at Jaebum who was looking at Yerin with a passive expression. For an actor, Jinyoung is a shitty one when it comes to hiding his real life.

“It’s actually been lifted, like, four months ago.” Jaebum just answers.

“Oh.” Yerin just said, turning back to her food and keeping her eyes there.

If Jinyoung suspected Nayeon had noticed, he was sure she does now with how he felt a small hand rest reassuringly on his arm. Also, her next words.

“Don’t worry Yerin-ah,” Nayeon squeezes Jinyoung’s arms. “Jaebum oppa is not wasting this lifting of his dating ban.”

 

“Nayeon is a menace.” Jaebum announces as soon as he and Jinyoung were back in the training room from earlier. He sits by the floor, legs crossing underneath him. “Come on Jinyoung-ah, sit beside me.”

But Jinyoung still stood awkwardly by the door, hands on the lock and eyes trained at Jaebum’s form.

“What’s that look for?” Jaebum asked, standing up and crossing the room to stand in front of Jinyoung. When the other man looked away, he knew something was wrong. “Is this about Nayeon? Don’t worry, she won’t talk. Maybe tease,  _ probably  _ tease. But she won’t say anything we wouldn’t want her to.”

“No, Nayeon is wonderful. I think she’d get along well with Dahyun and Jimin.” Jinyoung looked pained, “Actually, no, I don’t want her to get along well with Dahyun and Jimin.”

This was a normal Jinyoung thing to do, change the topic. Jaebum usually lets him, but today was their 100th day and he doesn’t want anything ruining it. So he reaches over and takes the hands that were holding onto the door.

“Tell me what’s wrong.” Jaebum asks again.

With the way Jinyoung turned to him, eyes still refusing to meet his and his bottom lip trapped between his teeth, Jaebum gets nervous.

“Yerin…” Jinyoung trails off, oddly like the way Yerin did earlier.

“Yes? What about her?” Jaebum was pretty sure Yerin didn’t work out that he and Jinyoung were dating.

Instead of answering, all Jinyoung did was roll his eyes at Jaebum. “Are you  _ serious _ , Im Jaebum? Are you telling me you didn’t understand what I meant about  _ Yerin _ ssi?”

“She’s a nice girl, one of the most talented trainees actually. What about her?” Jaebum asked, trying really hard to analyze what Jinyoung meant. They were all laughing earlier so Jinyoung probably doesn’t hate the girl (then again… with Jinyoung’s history at hating idols…).

With a groan, Jinyoung spats out, “Im Jaebum, Yerin  _ likes  _ you. You idiot! That’s why she was asking about your dating ban--which, I had no idea existed, by the way--and she was so obvious about it. I spent an hour with the girl and I could  _ see  _ it clearly.”

Jinyoung was cute when he was being jealous. And when he’s screaming. Jaebum has long since realized that even though Jinyoung hates people and screams at them, it’s usually a way of saying he cares for them.

“So?” Jaebum just asked, arching an eyebrow at a fuming Park Jinyoung.

“So what? What the fuck?” Jinyoung looked really mad right now, “What are you going to do about that? She likes  _ you _ .”

“Jinyoung-ah,” Jaebum couldn’t help the laughter that escaped his lips. “It doesn’t matter if she likes me or not.”

“Why not?” Jinyoung demanded, “Of course it does.”

“Because she doesn’t matter,” Jaebum rolls his eyes this time. “You’re the only one that I like anyway.”

There was silence and before Jaebum could ask why Jinyoung was being too quiet after screaming earlier, he felt the other boy’s hand reach over the back of his neck to kiss him hard.

“You idiot.” Jinyoung murmurs when they separated for air, his breath hot on Jaebum’s mouth. “Fucking idiot.”

Then he was leaning over again, kissing all thoughts away and all worries away.

Jaebum smiles into the kiss and he thinks they’ll honestly be

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we've reached the end of journey with definite soul the book _and_ definite soul the fic. thank you so much for all the comments and love you've showered this, you're all awesome ♥ if you have any questions, feel free to hit me up in the comments (or twitter or tumblr idk).
> 
> special thank you to my beloved beta who puts up with all my shit and the whole 81k of this fic <3 also thank you to ate nini for pushing me to write during the hellish month of nanowrimo lol
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/parkyoungchoi) | [tumblr](http://marchtwentyfour.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> A comment would be really really appreciated.


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